Saturation point

I'm "sick" today... at least that's what I told my subgroup leader... so when my alarm went off at 6am and I woke up, I knew from the ache in my body and the tightness in my head that I didn't sleep well last night eventhough I dozed off on my book at around midnight...

I decided I couldn't make it to the wards today... my mind was spinning about what to do... should I just force myself to go and hope for the worst? Should I just take that chance and skip today and take a breather? I think I need it.... and before I know it, time was already 6.35am (had to be in the wards by 7am)... so I made the decision not to go, and sms my leader...

I knew that if I had gone, something bad would happen... I guess this is the first time I've made this kind of move... I decided to take a breather today. So I'm just going to chill out and study at home today. I need to recollect myself.

And after the sms, I went back to bed, and I felt so peaceful...

Ok, I shouldn't be ashamed that I was stressed out, eventhough I'm not sure what is the actual stressor... yesterday I met a friend in the library and she told me straight off (and in front of some nosey people) that I shouldn't be so stressed out... maybe she saw it on my face... but my response was that I wasn't stressed out. I just realized today that maybe I was ashamed... There's no reason to be. Different people have different stress tolerance levels.

I just never realized that I was so weak.. but that's ok... so now I want people to know that Sharon Chin is not so tough after all, so don't "expect" so much from me, or think so highly of me for that matter...

Now I wish I get to start a brand new life somewhere else, like a second chance...

But I know God is always knocking on my door, because everytime I say something like that, I always have a passing thought about Him...

It has always been like that... only when I'm in my darkest and lowest moments that I have passing thoughts about God... that's really just so sad....

Anyways, I promise to perk myself up.... do what I have to do today...

Cheers.