After a highly enjoyable and exhilarating ECG class with Dr. Tang, he asked me what I thought of the class... so I answered very truthfully.... I felt very "enlightened" and motivated to study the subject even more... then I told him that I have the problem of remembering stuff...
He replied me by saying that "studying medicine is not about memorizing" and that it's by seeing patients in the ward. He said that he noticed the difference between students here and overseas (he did his MD in Australia) was that overseas students don't read their textbooks very much, but they love spending their time in the wards... "they are less inhibited, so they enjoy talking to patients"... what he meant was that students here most probably have the wrong concept of studying medicine... bookworms...
I have to agree quite a lot with him... I admit I always feel reluctant and terribly insecure about approaching a patient in the ward... there's this feeling inadequacy, so I retreat by hiding behind my books, which I have made into my comfort zone. It's only this year in my final year that I've learnt to be less "inhibited".
Tomorrow would be a long day.... 4 hours of psychiatry and then another cardiology class with Dr. Tang in the afternoon... then I'm oncall tomorrow night.... then I have a 8am bedside teaching the following day with Dr. Tang again.... hey, it's cardiology week.
Have to go ZZZzzzzZZZZ. My eyes are already out of focus.... good night!
Wednesday, 30 November 2005
Tuesday, 29 November 2005
Yak, yak, yak...
Dr. Annuar didn't turn up for the 7am ward round again this morning, so we all waited for him like idiots (except me lar, hehe, I waited 15mins then went for breakfast with Hema!).... but he made us stay for a bashing at 4.30pm just now (eventhough he said 4.00pm sharp).... and he kept us until almost 5.30pm... but that's ok... I heard the previous batch was made to stay until 6.30pm! It's not really a problem to stay back after 4.30pm... but it's just that we've been in the wards the whole day (with quite a lot of time wasted waiting for him) and we need to study sooo much... honestly I'm so tired at night I can't even read the words on the same line properly... I would be jumping lines, then paragraph and then I realize I just better stop and sleep.
So what I've been doing is juggling between CTW and the male ward... I'm actually more into the male ward.... but I "pretend" to be into the CTW as well.... actually I just check on my patient's progress through the doctors' notes and their charts and latest ECG and all... but really I have no time to clerk new patients there... as it is I can't even manage my patients in the male ward... I haven't even got the chance to do any procedures and I'm already in my 2nd week of Medicine posting. *sigh*
Oh ya, I heard for the group that our paediatric results will be out tomorrow.... *disturexcited*.... *making the sign of the cross*.... I heard that there are no failures for paediatric but I'm just really not keen to see what I got for my disastrous long case.
I do still miss paediatric terribly... I met Mei Hsia, Phyllis and Hooi Ming for lunch just now over at Hung Hung Inn... and they were complaining that paediatric was too pack for them.... and I on the other hand am very concerned that we have too much free time for medicine posting... I'm worried that we cannot be trusted to handle sooo much self-directed learning time...
In the morning I clerked a patient with suspected dermatomyositis... but unfortunately for me (but fortunately for the patient), he didn't have many typical signs.... and I have feeling that eventually his diagnosis may change.... I was very excited when I saw this case in the new admission list because I was told to look into this type of patient because it's a common exam case... they are not usually seen in the wards, only in the clinics. But the patient was gracious enough to entertain all my questions and let me examine him. My second patient of the day was one with suspected rheumatic fever, but again, he didn't have I would say enough of the typical symptoms.... and not even enough criteria for it to be diagnosed conclusively, but he's treated as a rheumatic fever anyways... and he's actually improving with his current treatment.
Yesterday I saw a boy who's diagnosis was ??? for the past few days.... came in with high-grade fever, really, really ill, disoriented, with hyperdynamic praecordium (meaning that movement of the heart can be seen on the chest) and his neck was pulsating... the doctors were not sure what he had, so he was isolated, and yesterday I had to wear a mask into the room where he was warded to clerk him... but he looked sooo much better, sitting up and reading... honestly I was very surprised to see the stark contrast of the boy yesterday and today, and I thought my colleagues gave me a "Are you sure you were telling us about the same patient?" kind of look.... I thought he looked a bit unusual... his hands were very big for his 13 years old.... and he had long spidery fingers and his arms seemed kind of longish... so I brought 2 colleagues to give me their "second opinions".... we took his armspan and it measured 175cm... compared to his height which was only 163cm! But he didn't have any other features of Marfan's Syndrome... so we didn't blow the trumpets on him to our other colleagues.... no murmurs, no kyphosis, no high-arch palate, etc. (we usually do this so that other students get to see the case as well....)
Then I managed to examined the neurological status of a very nice and sweet and very cooperative 61-year-old lady who presented with sudden onset of bilateral upper limb and lower limb weakness associated with some degree of sensory loss... my impression was Gullain-Barre Syndrome, but she had other atypical presentation as well, so the 3 of us (the most unlikely combination of me, Wushu and Chee Shee) had quite a nice discussion on the case...
Then in the afternoon, we made our way to the haemodialysis unit for a little refresher on the subject, which I thought was very brief but very, very useful for me today....
Tomorrow morning we're supposed to have bedside teaching with Dr. Annuar... but he already "announced" earlier in the posting that he wasn't going to give any bedside teachings, so we actually have the whole morning to ourselves, so I may just make my way to one of the many clinics going on tomorrow, cardiac clinic, gastroenterology, etc. and learn a thing or 2... or I may just hang around in the wards and clerk different cases.... for my case write-ups... I think for my final year, I'll attemp a neurology case and maybe a respiratory case... I did a cardiology and renal case in my 3rd year.... or maybe a haematology case sounds good too.... hmmmm... * thinking*
I'm feeling so lazy to study tonight... I'll just read-up on my patients' diseases today and also maybe brush up on my ECG... then later I have my House at 10pm! Remember, Stop, Look and Go! Hehe... pretty helpful in times as such.
Cheers!
So what I've been doing is juggling between CTW and the male ward... I'm actually more into the male ward.... but I "pretend" to be into the CTW as well.... actually I just check on my patient's progress through the doctors' notes and their charts and latest ECG and all... but really I have no time to clerk new patients there... as it is I can't even manage my patients in the male ward... I haven't even got the chance to do any procedures and I'm already in my 2nd week of Medicine posting. *sigh*
Oh ya, I heard for the group that our paediatric results will be out tomorrow.... *disturexcited*.... *making the sign of the cross*.... I heard that there are no failures for paediatric but I'm just really not keen to see what I got for my disastrous long case.
I do still miss paediatric terribly... I met Mei Hsia, Phyllis and Hooi Ming for lunch just now over at Hung Hung Inn... and they were complaining that paediatric was too pack for them.... and I on the other hand am very concerned that we have too much free time for medicine posting... I'm worried that we cannot be trusted to handle sooo much self-directed learning time...
In the morning I clerked a patient with suspected dermatomyositis... but unfortunately for me (but fortunately for the patient), he didn't have many typical signs.... and I have feeling that eventually his diagnosis may change.... I was very excited when I saw this case in the new admission list because I was told to look into this type of patient because it's a common exam case... they are not usually seen in the wards, only in the clinics. But the patient was gracious enough to entertain all my questions and let me examine him. My second patient of the day was one with suspected rheumatic fever, but again, he didn't have I would say enough of the typical symptoms.... and not even enough criteria for it to be diagnosed conclusively, but he's treated as a rheumatic fever anyways... and he's actually improving with his current treatment.
Yesterday I saw a boy who's diagnosis was ??? for the past few days.... came in with high-grade fever, really, really ill, disoriented, with hyperdynamic praecordium (meaning that movement of the heart can be seen on the chest) and his neck was pulsating... the doctors were not sure what he had, so he was isolated, and yesterday I had to wear a mask into the room where he was warded to clerk him... but he looked sooo much better, sitting up and reading... honestly I was very surprised to see the stark contrast of the boy yesterday and today, and I thought my colleagues gave me a "Are you sure you were telling us about the same patient?" kind of look.... I thought he looked a bit unusual... his hands were very big for his 13 years old.... and he had long spidery fingers and his arms seemed kind of longish... so I brought 2 colleagues to give me their "second opinions".... we took his armspan and it measured 175cm... compared to his height which was only 163cm! But he didn't have any other features of Marfan's Syndrome... so we didn't blow the trumpets on him to our other colleagues.... no murmurs, no kyphosis, no high-arch palate, etc. (we usually do this so that other students get to see the case as well....)
Then I managed to examined the neurological status of a very nice and sweet and very cooperative 61-year-old lady who presented with sudden onset of bilateral upper limb and lower limb weakness associated with some degree of sensory loss... my impression was Gullain-Barre Syndrome, but she had other atypical presentation as well, so the 3 of us (the most unlikely combination of me, Wushu and Chee Shee) had quite a nice discussion on the case...
Then in the afternoon, we made our way to the haemodialysis unit for a little refresher on the subject, which I thought was very brief but very, very useful for me today....
Tomorrow morning we're supposed to have bedside teaching with Dr. Annuar... but he already "announced" earlier in the posting that he wasn't going to give any bedside teachings, so we actually have the whole morning to ourselves, so I may just make my way to one of the many clinics going on tomorrow, cardiac clinic, gastroenterology, etc. and learn a thing or 2... or I may just hang around in the wards and clerk different cases.... for my case write-ups... I think for my final year, I'll attemp a neurology case and maybe a respiratory case... I did a cardiology and renal case in my 3rd year.... or maybe a haematology case sounds good too.... hmmmm... * thinking*
I'm feeling so lazy to study tonight... I'll just read-up on my patients' diseases today and also maybe brush up on my ECG... then later I have my House at 10pm! Remember, Stop, Look and Go! Hehe... pretty helpful in times as such.
Cheers!
Monday, 28 November 2005
Decisions, decisions
*sob* *sob*
No caroling practice for me tonight. In fact I told my sis that I may not be able to join them this year. My schedule is too tight at the moment and I can't imagine the week that we're supposed to go out caroling... usually every night we're out, it would stretch to midnight, and we usually start 6.30pm... so I really can't see how I can manage... and that week it's when I'm having my mid-posting assessment.... 15%! And my posting coordinator has already warned us that that assessment can mean a pass or a fail in my final exam...
I'm really, really very disappointed and it's really a hard decision, but after a rather traumatic 1st week, I would consider the decision was not too hard after all...
Today was a pretty long day... we swapped ward... so this week I'm in male ward... so I had 5 patients this morning, but I only managed to clerk 4 of them.... and I couldn't even manage to clerk my patient in CTW! And I was in the wards until almost 5pm. And I didn't join the afternoon ward round in CTW with Dr. Annuar because I was busy clerking in the male ward.... but he didn't say anything... he's actually in quite a good mood this couple of days....
So am I playing with fire? Hehehe... Don't worry, it's only today lar... too many patients to cover... tomorrow I'll make sure I join his ward round.... he made 2 groups wait for him this morning at CCU at 7am and didn't turn up!!! *sigh* And weather was soo nice to sleep in (at least until 7+)!
I guess I'm feeling little bit nifty today because the change of the new ward was a really good change of environment... but still no escape fro cardiology... 2 patients were suspected to have Infective Endocarditis! And one 33-year-old man was afflicted by a really, really serious Psoriasis! I couldn't believe looking at this man in real time... the only other time I've seen such a bad case of psoriasis was in my dermatology textbook! And maybe the rarity of seeing such case in the wards was also a contributing factor, because dernatological conditions are mostly non life-threatening... but his is a case of erythroid psoriasis (according to my textbook, the life threatening form of psoriasis)....
So I would actually sum up today as a really interesting day...
Today the whole group was going smooth except for the incident with the respiratory course update... Adeline was asked by one of the specialist to recruit 5 students to attend a respiratory update this Saturday at Merdeka Palace.... and if there are mosre than 5, the extra students would be put in the waiting list... But for some strange reasons, she didn't want to handle the thing, so she passed the chore to Yang, who in turn passed it to Norizan.... So poor Norizan went collecting money and making photocopies of the form and submitted the form and money to the specialist this morning, who refused to accept the money because he said that he was dealing with Adeline, so he wanted only Adeline to pass him the money. And the worst part was that he said only 3 students (who filled in the original forms) from our group (more than 10 wanted to go, and Norizan wasn't inform that only 5 could be confirmed going) could go! So poor Norizan had to return the money to everyone who couldn't go, and explain one-by-one to them why they couldn't go!
And why our group only 3 students can go? Because Yang gave 2 other forms to some students from another posting.... appparently he said he didn't know about the original form business, and apparently not aware of the 5-student restriction....
I know some of my colleagues were upset that they couldn't go.... Raj was asking me to explain the whole thing to him... I was too tired but I felt sorry for him, so I told him anyway....
The 3 lucky people are Norizan, Adeline and I.... I'm really fortunately because Norizan passed me the form to make the announcement about it to the class last week, so I got to fill in the original form! *phew*
But I'm glad at least finally Norizan gets to go after all the trouble she went through sorting out "other" people's responsibilities/mess...
And today Dr. Mra sent me quite a long mail about what to do with neurology and some other business... *sigh* it's sometimes a bit hard to understand her email.... but the point is I have to make a few adjustments, and a few many more decisions... who, when, how... *sigh*
On a lighter note, I was reading Sue's blog entry yesterday, "Old Golden Pal"... it's really very heart-warming! Thanks Sue!
I saw Elena again today, but I'm sure for the last time! She came over to the hospital to snap some pictures, so I went around with her... her flight's tomorrow... so Bon voyage!
So another long day tomorrow! Oh ya, I would really want to know what happened from Chris about the Tebakang issue, so I can't wait to meet up with you guys! *wonder*
Cheers!
No caroling practice for me tonight. In fact I told my sis that I may not be able to join them this year. My schedule is too tight at the moment and I can't imagine the week that we're supposed to go out caroling... usually every night we're out, it would stretch to midnight, and we usually start 6.30pm... so I really can't see how I can manage... and that week it's when I'm having my mid-posting assessment.... 15%! And my posting coordinator has already warned us that that assessment can mean a pass or a fail in my final exam...
I'm really, really very disappointed and it's really a hard decision, but after a rather traumatic 1st week, I would consider the decision was not too hard after all...
Today was a pretty long day... we swapped ward... so this week I'm in male ward... so I had 5 patients this morning, but I only managed to clerk 4 of them.... and I couldn't even manage to clerk my patient in CTW! And I was in the wards until almost 5pm. And I didn't join the afternoon ward round in CTW with Dr. Annuar because I was busy clerking in the male ward.... but he didn't say anything... he's actually in quite a good mood this couple of days....
So am I playing with fire? Hehehe... Don't worry, it's only today lar... too many patients to cover... tomorrow I'll make sure I join his ward round.... he made 2 groups wait for him this morning at CCU at 7am and didn't turn up!!! *sigh* And weather was soo nice to sleep in (at least until 7+)!
I guess I'm feeling little bit nifty today because the change of the new ward was a really good change of environment... but still no escape fro cardiology... 2 patients were suspected to have Infective Endocarditis! And one 33-year-old man was afflicted by a really, really serious Psoriasis! I couldn't believe looking at this man in real time... the only other time I've seen such a bad case of psoriasis was in my dermatology textbook! And maybe the rarity of seeing such case in the wards was also a contributing factor, because dernatological conditions are mostly non life-threatening... but his is a case of erythroid psoriasis (according to my textbook, the life threatening form of psoriasis)....
So I would actually sum up today as a really interesting day...
Today the whole group was going smooth except for the incident with the respiratory course update... Adeline was asked by one of the specialist to recruit 5 students to attend a respiratory update this Saturday at Merdeka Palace.... and if there are mosre than 5, the extra students would be put in the waiting list... But for some strange reasons, she didn't want to handle the thing, so she passed the chore to Yang, who in turn passed it to Norizan.... So poor Norizan went collecting money and making photocopies of the form and submitted the form and money to the specialist this morning, who refused to accept the money because he said that he was dealing with Adeline, so he wanted only Adeline to pass him the money. And the worst part was that he said only 3 students (who filled in the original forms) from our group (more than 10 wanted to go, and Norizan wasn't inform that only 5 could be confirmed going) could go! So poor Norizan had to return the money to everyone who couldn't go, and explain one-by-one to them why they couldn't go!
And why our group only 3 students can go? Because Yang gave 2 other forms to some students from another posting.... appparently he said he didn't know about the original form business, and apparently not aware of the 5-student restriction....
I know some of my colleagues were upset that they couldn't go.... Raj was asking me to explain the whole thing to him... I was too tired but I felt sorry for him, so I told him anyway....
The 3 lucky people are Norizan, Adeline and I.... I'm really fortunately because Norizan passed me the form to make the announcement about it to the class last week, so I got to fill in the original form! *phew*
But I'm glad at least finally Norizan gets to go after all the trouble she went through sorting out "other" people's responsibilities/mess...
And today Dr. Mra sent me quite a long mail about what to do with neurology and some other business... *sigh* it's sometimes a bit hard to understand her email.... but the point is I have to make a few adjustments, and a few many more decisions... who, when, how... *sigh*
On a lighter note, I was reading Sue's blog entry yesterday, "Old Golden Pal"... it's really very heart-warming! Thanks Sue!
I saw Elena again today, but I'm sure for the last time! She came over to the hospital to snap some pictures, so I went around with her... her flight's tomorrow... so Bon voyage!
So another long day tomorrow! Oh ya, I would really want to know what happened from Chris about the Tebakang issue, so I can't wait to meet up with you guys! *wonder*
Cheers!
Sunday, 27 November 2005
Elena
Elena and I had a nice dinner at Elephant's (Chris, thanks for introducing this place to me)... my Chicken a-la-kiev was quite good despite its very coarse and very "bark-like" appearance... and Elena had fish with cajun sauce, I think.... and we were supposed to end our dinner with an ice-cream dessert, but Elephant's ran out of it! So that didn't deter us for making first our way to the MacD opposite Sarawak Plaza... couldn't get a parking space... so we made our way to Jalan Keretapi, just for a decent sundae! Now I really miss Majestic Ice-cream which used to be in Satok, but closed down because the business was not really good. I guess people here are not willing to pay for expensive (but delicious, luxurious, rich) ice-cream.Then when I dropped her off at her place, I met up with SN Lee, who Elena's staying with during her posting here... and had quite a chat with her... she's a nurse at the Neonatal Unit at SGH... so when we started talking about the unit, and all, she started to be very worked up and even passionate about her job and voiced very strongly all her disatisfaction and concern... about the management, the boss, the housemen and medical officers... but I learnt something from her... anyways...
I've always enjoyed talking to Elena because she's very receptive and very mature (very for her age of 21)... and I loved to listen to her stories of her travel and her family... so I really wish her all the best in her studies and later in her career as a doctor!
Hope you had a great time here in Kuching! You take care!
But I'll still be seeing her tomorrow... we'll be taking some pictures around the hospital...
Now I have to read-up a little and I'll retire earlier tonight. Early day tomorrow.
Bonne nuit!
Advent
Luckily there was only ONE patient in the Cardiac Care Unit (CCU) last night, and about a dozen in the Cardiothoracic Ward (CTW)... meaning less work for me, and meaning more cardiac patients would be able to spend their weekend at home.
So I followed up on the patient in the CCU and updated our group file (we have a file on all the patients so that whoever on call can updated it), examined some patients in the CTW and practiced some ECG interpretation with my colleague, before retiring for the night... before that I informed her that I won't be coming for the Sunday morning ward round... I've decided that I wanted to rest before the new daunting new week ahead... and she assured that it was ok... so I told not to worry... I'll bear any consequence myself... I'll make sure the whole group won't be affected. So far no news from my group members, so... I'll just see what happens tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'll be on Male Medical Ward rotation. That would be great because I'll be seeing a variety of cases, instead of just cardiac cases... but tomorrow we'll be starting off with a bedside with the infamous Prof. Chew Peng Hong! Cheryl's dad... Cheryl's a classmate of mine back in school... Prof. Chew's famous for his eccentricity, but I've always enjoyed his teachings, because he approaches medicine very differently from all other doctors that have thought me... he's definitely not exam-oriented, which makes him not very popular with majority of my friends (who prefers exam-oriented lecturers)...
Basically, he's always thinking outside the box... and I'm always caught in a delightful surprise by his sudden burst of ideas! Then I always remember whatever he's taught me, because he's a genius in making a point! Very animated, very intimidating, extremely confident... untouchable... and he's the type of lecturer that if I get a blasting from, I wouldn't feel offended, I'd work even harder to prove myself.
So I can't wait for the surprise that's in store for me tomorrow! :)
Yesterday was an extremely taxing day... I was at CCU 7+ then, rushed for lecture 9.30am at my faculty, which lasted until 1.15pm!!! I could only pay attention until around 11+... then I was day-dreaming most of the remaining 2 hours. Then when I finally got home, I only had energy to watch House on AXN and finally dozed off and waking up in time for mass... after mass, went for a speedy dinner (10mins) alone at Thompson's corner, then off again to the wards.... came home, dozed in front of the TV and slept until 10am this morning!
I didn't even see Elena's sms until late this morning.... I promised her to bring her for a dinner or something today.... she's leaving Tuesday morning for Tasmania after her 10-week elective posting in SGH...
Thought of going for a haircut, maybe after laundry I may just drop by my usual saloon. I can't believe that I didn't do laundry for more than one week! That's a first... cause I'm quite "pantang" to see a piling laundry... I usually do every 3 to 4 days...
This morning, over brunch I was chatting with my parents... we were talking mostly about the sermon last night.... we went to different churches, so we sort of compared the points that the 2 different priests were making (because the theme is the same in all the churches)... and strangely, last night I was very impressed upon... about what Advent (Merriam-Webster Dictionary: the period beginning four Sundays before Christmas and observed by some Christians as a season of prayer and fasting) was all about to Chrsitians... can you believe it? I'm a christian all my life, and only now I realized what it means....
But I'm very happy all the same... gave me a little boost to my disposition, gave me a little hope, gave me a little joy in facing whatever is in store for me tomorrow...
So I guess Dr. Gan the psychiatrist, was not wrong to dismissed religion as "something" humans use to help them face fear... as "something" to help them through the passages of life, like greast loss, death, suffering... but the more I listen to him, the more I'm not sure he's an atheist.... so I think he's lost too....
I was at Sue's blog... quite surprise that she's resigning... but I really hope the best for her! My dear Sue Yii, enjoy your holidays!
A little 'hi' to..... Chris, Doreen, Soon Ching.... "add oil!"..... Jo, *hugs*....
Cheers!
So I followed up on the patient in the CCU and updated our group file (we have a file on all the patients so that whoever on call can updated it), examined some patients in the CTW and practiced some ECG interpretation with my colleague, before retiring for the night... before that I informed her that I won't be coming for the Sunday morning ward round... I've decided that I wanted to rest before the new daunting new week ahead... and she assured that it was ok... so I told not to worry... I'll bear any consequence myself... I'll make sure the whole group won't be affected. So far no news from my group members, so... I'll just see what happens tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'll be on Male Medical Ward rotation. That would be great because I'll be seeing a variety of cases, instead of just cardiac cases... but tomorrow we'll be starting off with a bedside with the infamous Prof. Chew Peng Hong! Cheryl's dad... Cheryl's a classmate of mine back in school... Prof. Chew's famous for his eccentricity, but I've always enjoyed his teachings, because he approaches medicine very differently from all other doctors that have thought me... he's definitely not exam-oriented, which makes him not very popular with majority of my friends (who prefers exam-oriented lecturers)...
Basically, he's always thinking outside the box... and I'm always caught in a delightful surprise by his sudden burst of ideas! Then I always remember whatever he's taught me, because he's a genius in making a point! Very animated, very intimidating, extremely confident... untouchable... and he's the type of lecturer that if I get a blasting from, I wouldn't feel offended, I'd work even harder to prove myself.
So I can't wait for the surprise that's in store for me tomorrow! :)
Yesterday was an extremely taxing day... I was at CCU 7+ then, rushed for lecture 9.30am at my faculty, which lasted until 1.15pm!!! I could only pay attention until around 11+... then I was day-dreaming most of the remaining 2 hours. Then when I finally got home, I only had energy to watch House on AXN and finally dozed off and waking up in time for mass... after mass, went for a speedy dinner (10mins) alone at Thompson's corner, then off again to the wards.... came home, dozed in front of the TV and slept until 10am this morning!
I didn't even see Elena's sms until late this morning.... I promised her to bring her for a dinner or something today.... she's leaving Tuesday morning for Tasmania after her 10-week elective posting in SGH...
Thought of going for a haircut, maybe after laundry I may just drop by my usual saloon. I can't believe that I didn't do laundry for more than one week! That's a first... cause I'm quite "pantang" to see a piling laundry... I usually do every 3 to 4 days...
This morning, over brunch I was chatting with my parents... we were talking mostly about the sermon last night.... we went to different churches, so we sort of compared the points that the 2 different priests were making (because the theme is the same in all the churches)... and strangely, last night I was very impressed upon... about what Advent (Merriam-Webster Dictionary: the period beginning four Sundays before Christmas and observed by some Christians as a season of prayer and fasting) was all about to Chrsitians... can you believe it? I'm a christian all my life, and only now I realized what it means....
But I'm very happy all the same... gave me a little boost to my disposition, gave me a little hope, gave me a little joy in facing whatever is in store for me tomorrow...
So I guess Dr. Gan the psychiatrist, was not wrong to dismissed religion as "something" humans use to help them face fear... as "something" to help them through the passages of life, like greast loss, death, suffering... but the more I listen to him, the more I'm not sure he's an atheist.... so I think he's lost too....
I was at Sue's blog... quite surprise that she's resigning... but I really hope the best for her! My dear Sue Yii, enjoy your holidays!
A little 'hi' to..... Chris, Doreen, Soon Ching.... "add oil!"..... Jo, *hugs*....
Cheers!
Friday, 25 November 2005
To go or not to go?
The weather was too beautiful to resist a stroll walk home after class eventhough I was sooo tired... and I'm so glad I did... the increased heart rate gave a nice warm feeling on my face and I actually feel a bit more energetic now.... I almost wanted to die in the auditorium just now out of boredom and also because I was very exhausted... the CME was soooo boring, except Dr. Gan the last speaker, who was very sensible and presented concisely.... Thank God.
My problem now is that what I want to do tonight... the little dilemma is caused by because I have to be in the wards for Dr. Annuar's ward round tomorrow and also because I have seminar with Dr. Hla Myint tomorrow! I'm quite disturbed now because I would really love to go for caroling practice tonight... Boohooo... But I really have so much to read-up.... *sigh*
If I go for practice, then I might be too tired to study tonight... Acute and Chronic Renal Failure are 2 really huge topics. And I haven't quite finish with my cardio topics.... but if I don't go, I'll be so miserable and may even regret it....
*thinking*
*thinking*
*thinking*
This is really a great challenge.... it's like trick question in exam.... don't go, then you're making a sacrifice for your studies, but then, if you go, you're balancing your life.... either way is good and acceptable, so what's the best answer?
*sigh*
I'll probably stay home tonight.... *sad* because firstly, I'm very tired physically... been up and about since 7am.... then there's the guilt issue of not studying enough.
But I'll really miss the singing, the laughing, the fellowship, the group praying... and I'll miss seeing Philip's little brother and sister (who are both in the group)...
*sigh*
I guess sometimes we have to make some sacrifices....
I pray that my studying would be fruitful tonight, and that I won't regret too much for not going for caroling practice.
For those luckier people out there, have a great weekend!
Cheers!
My problem now is that what I want to do tonight... the little dilemma is caused by because I have to be in the wards for Dr. Annuar's ward round tomorrow and also because I have seminar with Dr. Hla Myint tomorrow! I'm quite disturbed now because I would really love to go for caroling practice tonight... Boohooo... But I really have so much to read-up.... *sigh*
If I go for practice, then I might be too tired to study tonight... Acute and Chronic Renal Failure are 2 really huge topics. And I haven't quite finish with my cardio topics.... but if I don't go, I'll be so miserable and may even regret it....
*thinking*
*thinking*
*thinking*
This is really a great challenge.... it's like trick question in exam.... don't go, then you're making a sacrifice for your studies, but then, if you go, you're balancing your life.... either way is good and acceptable, so what's the best answer?
*sigh*
I'll probably stay home tonight.... *sad* because firstly, I'm very tired physically... been up and about since 7am.... then there's the guilt issue of not studying enough.
But I'll really miss the singing, the laughing, the fellowship, the group praying... and I'll miss seeing Philip's little brother and sister (who are both in the group)...
*sigh*
I guess sometimes we have to make some sacrifices....
I pray that my studying would be fruitful tonight, and that I won't regret too much for not going for caroling practice.
For those luckier people out there, have a great weekend!
Cheers!
Thursday, 24 November 2005
Ben & Wei Wei
Ben and Wei Wei's wedding reception was a somber occasion, thanks to the majority of senior citizens. But Wei Wei's really sweet and adorable, and she's tall! I was wearing 3-inch heels and still she was towering over me! But that makes her even more perfect beside Ben! Didn't really get to chat with Ben... I guess wouldn't have that chance... the couple's leaving for Johor this Sunday... that's where the bride is from, and where Ben's working now... I forsee that Ben may eventually just settle down in Johor...
Jo and I were just reminiscing about our school days and all... and we both sort of agreed that Ben was actually one of the last people we would expect to get hooked up so fast. :) Hehehe... no bad connotation to that... just that Ben Foo getting hooked up! Amazing! But I really wish him all the best. I had a warm feeling while I watching their video presentation on their lives and how they met and their wedding day in Johor... how we have all grown! Ben's like one the first few guy friends I had in school, and even after we all left school, we still managed to keep in touch... so that's really great.
I hope they have lots and lots of children! :)
This weekend I'm tied down with CCU... Dr. Annuar instructed us to be around for his wardrounds Saturday morning and Sunday morning! And I have to be on-call on Saturday night! Boohooo! And since he was only on-call next week, he insisted we join the next group for early ward round for the whole of next week! That means another week of 7am ward rounds!!!
I know it's good practice and all because when I start housemanship in about half a year's time, I have to sometimes be in the wards by 6am!! But the thing is now I'm so stressed out because there's soooo much to revise and even more to study... and even, even more to restudy because I can't seem to remember anything at all!
And today we had the whole morning of psychiatry and again I noticed Dr. Gan eyeing me... like what he did in 4th year... he always said that I looked sad or depressed when I was doing psychiatry the last time... so he always picked on me... but this morning he didn't ask me a single thing or even use my name for any teaching examples... he loved to do that last year. Maybe he saw that I looked very tired... which I was really... I even cut short my day today and got home early to rest for the reception...
Oh ya, I wore the same navy blue linen dress I wore for my ladies' night out last week! Heheh! So when Geryl asked me whether I settled the dress issue, I was pretty shy to reveal it just now.... but no problem now, hehe... wanted to actually wear a purple South China Sea dress I bought 3 years ago, but decided to save that for the Christmas party next month.... it's with sleeves so I thought that would be more appropriate for Christmas.
Luckily it's only like 10.10pm.... so about 2 hours for me to study tonight.... really feel like I'm always in the rush and in critical times.... I hope the next couple of weeks would just fly by and I would feel numb... that's what I'm rooting for.
Dr Mra acted up on her first bedside teaching with my group yesterday, according to my colleagues... thank God I wasn't there... and apparently she was upset witha few things... but when she replied my email, she was really nice and sweet, so I'm really confused.... I always have a feeling like I'm manipulating a time bomb whenever I'm talking to her... I really don't understand why she's so insecure.... she's really a very good physician, beter than most anyways, and she can teach really well.... she would be the perfect lecturer if she weren't so moody and volatile and laser-tongued.
I'm so glad that the lecturers, the old-timers in my faculty are really email-educated... it really saved me whole lot of time with arranging the classes and all... so I'm really satisfied with the group's progress today.... Prof Henry, Dr. Thomas, Dr. Soon all replied my email within hours and confirmed all their classes with me! For those less tech-savvy, I just have to reach them through smoking! Muahahahah! They are really hard to track down. But Dr. Soon gave me a surprise just now in his email when he replied in a very long and lectury manner... and he CCed the email to all the lecturers.... I was kind of embarassed... because I sent the all lecturers the same email, I just changed the names and the dates! *shy*
:)
Ok, got to stop here. Study time. And coffee time! Just now during the liaison psychiatry session I could answer all the questions on withdrawal state because I based all my answers on my own experience! Muahahahah!
Bonne nuit!
Wednesday, 23 November 2005
I'm not crazy
I'm not crazy after all. I now have a runny nose and a sore throat. So what I had this morning was prodrome to my upper respiratory tract infection.... *relieved* I really thought that I might be going crazy this morning.
But today's sick leave was really good for me. I got to study quite a bit, then I talked a lot with my parents, even my sister, and I just replied an email to Chris. My house is usually quite quiet... but I feel very happy the whole day... my parents didn't ask me a lot of questions about me skipping class... my dad only said that if I felt too tired then I should stay at home. But talked about anything and everything... just over dinner we were even talking about Jessie Chung, the transgender doctor who made headlines recently by marrying a Joshua Beh!
Muahahah! Sounds like Josh Beh, a colleague of mind!!! Actually the topic surfaced because my dad was helping out in the church office when an officer from JPN called up the office wishing to speak to the parish priest, but he wasn't in so my dad took a message... apparently JPN is in the process of calling up all churches to advise them to reject any marriage application from them!
OMG! I was just at her website and she's so pretty! Unbelievable! Sayang her website is in Mandarin...
Nevermind, if I want to know more, I can ask Kai Chin.
I decided not to go for Praise meet tonight because since I wasn't in the shape to go to the wards I shouldn't be fit for any other social activites, so I'll just stay home tonight I finish with my ECG revision and maybe revise a little on Psychiatry for tomorrow.
Tomorrow I have to be in the hospital 7am, then I have to rush to my faculty for a 8am-12.30pm class in my faculty! Talk about tight schedule! But I'm ready for tomorrow, no problem. Then tomorrow evening, Ben's wedding reception, and I still have nothing suitable to wear... nmlar... hopefully Dr. Annuar would make us stay until late evening, then I have a reason not to go... but then that would be a bummer too, because I've not met Ben for ages! And I'm looking forward to meet Jo and maybe some other friends I've not seen in ages... Ben's actually a school friend, known him since Form 1.
So it's off to my books tonight! Cheers!
But today's sick leave was really good for me. I got to study quite a bit, then I talked a lot with my parents, even my sister, and I just replied an email to Chris. My house is usually quite quiet... but I feel very happy the whole day... my parents didn't ask me a lot of questions about me skipping class... my dad only said that if I felt too tired then I should stay at home. But talked about anything and everything... just over dinner we were even talking about Jessie Chung, the transgender doctor who made headlines recently by marrying a Joshua Beh!
Muahahah! Sounds like Josh Beh, a colleague of mind!!! Actually the topic surfaced because my dad was helping out in the church office when an officer from JPN called up the office wishing to speak to the parish priest, but he wasn't in so my dad took a message... apparently JPN is in the process of calling up all churches to advise them to reject any marriage application from them!
OMG! I was just at her website and she's so pretty! Unbelievable! Sayang her website is in Mandarin...
Nevermind, if I want to know more, I can ask Kai Chin.
I decided not to go for Praise meet tonight because since I wasn't in the shape to go to the wards I shouldn't be fit for any other social activites, so I'll just stay home tonight I finish with my ECG revision and maybe revise a little on Psychiatry for tomorrow.
Tomorrow I have to be in the hospital 7am, then I have to rush to my faculty for a 8am-12.30pm class in my faculty! Talk about tight schedule! But I'm ready for tomorrow, no problem. Then tomorrow evening, Ben's wedding reception, and I still have nothing suitable to wear... nmlar... hopefully Dr. Annuar would make us stay until late evening, then I have a reason not to go... but then that would be a bummer too, because I've not met Ben for ages! And I'm looking forward to meet Jo and maybe some other friends I've not seen in ages... Ben's actually a school friend, known him since Form 1.
So it's off to my books tonight! Cheers!
Saturation point
I'm "sick" today... at least that's what I told my subgroup leader... so when my alarm went off at 6am and I woke up, I knew from the ache in my body and the tightness in my head that I didn't sleep well last night eventhough I dozed off on my book at around midnight...
I decided I couldn't make it to the wards today... my mind was spinning about what to do... should I just force myself to go and hope for the worst? Should I just take that chance and skip today and take a breather? I think I need it.... and before I know it, time was already 6.35am (had to be in the wards by 7am)... so I made the decision not to go, and sms my leader...
I knew that if I had gone, something bad would happen... I guess this is the first time I've made this kind of move... I decided to take a breather today. So I'm just going to chill out and study at home today. I need to recollect myself.
And after the sms, I went back to bed, and I felt so peaceful...
Ok, I shouldn't be ashamed that I was stressed out, eventhough I'm not sure what is the actual stressor... yesterday I met a friend in the library and she told me straight off (and in front of some nosey people) that I shouldn't be so stressed out... maybe she saw it on my face... but my response was that I wasn't stressed out. I just realized today that maybe I was ashamed... There's no reason to be. Different people have different stress tolerance levels.
I just never realized that I was so weak.. but that's ok... so now I want people to know that Sharon Chin is not so tough after all, so don't "expect" so much from me, or think so highly of me for that matter...
Now I wish I get to start a brand new life somewhere else, like a second chance...
But I know God is always knocking on my door, because everytime I say something like that, I always have a passing thought about Him...
It has always been like that... only when I'm in my darkest and lowest moments that I have passing thoughts about God... that's really just so sad....
Anyways, I promise to perk myself up.... do what I have to do today...
Cheers.
I decided I couldn't make it to the wards today... my mind was spinning about what to do... should I just force myself to go and hope for the worst? Should I just take that chance and skip today and take a breather? I think I need it.... and before I know it, time was already 6.35am (had to be in the wards by 7am)... so I made the decision not to go, and sms my leader...
I knew that if I had gone, something bad would happen... I guess this is the first time I've made this kind of move... I decided to take a breather today. So I'm just going to chill out and study at home today. I need to recollect myself.
And after the sms, I went back to bed, and I felt so peaceful...
Ok, I shouldn't be ashamed that I was stressed out, eventhough I'm not sure what is the actual stressor... yesterday I met a friend in the library and she told me straight off (and in front of some nosey people) that I shouldn't be so stressed out... maybe she saw it on my face... but my response was that I wasn't stressed out. I just realized today that maybe I was ashamed... There's no reason to be. Different people have different stress tolerance levels.
I just never realized that I was so weak.. but that's ok... so now I want people to know that Sharon Chin is not so tough after all, so don't "expect" so much from me, or think so highly of me for that matter...
Now I wish I get to start a brand new life somewhere else, like a second chance...
But I know God is always knocking on my door, because everytime I say something like that, I always have a passing thought about Him...
It has always been like that... only when I'm in my darkest and lowest moments that I have passing thoughts about God... that's really just so sad....
Anyways, I promise to perk myself up.... do what I have to do today...
Cheers.
Tuesday, 22 November 2005
Low-life form
Was supposed to take a nap just now on my fav couch (which happens to be in front of the TV)... then my dad was watching the NGEO (National Geographic) Channel 52.... "Elephant Rage" was showing... and when I saw how a man used a hooked piece of metal tied to a a piece of wood to work as a handle, and hit the elephant on his/her forehead repeatedly to apparently make him/her do something and saw how the elephant winced and shedded tears, I felt so infuriated and naive at the same time!
And as I held my breath watching the rest of the documentary, my reasoning was getting haywired (by general selfish human standards)...
"Why should they culled the elephants because their numbers were getting too big for the area? When it's the villagers fault for impinging into their forest? Who are they to play God? Why don't they cull the villagers instead?"
"Why should they kill a whole herd of elephants just because they killed just 1 farmer?"
"Why are they so shocked with the killing rampage of the elephants? I thought they deserved it, after what they have done to them?"
"Why don't they think that 1 elephant life = 1 human life?"
My sentiment was of disgust and arespect for MY species... and I was so naive to be sooo shocked and so disturbed when I saw the documentary.... haven't I live long enough or haven't I seen enough to expect this from humans? Greedy, cruel, selfish humans...
I'm really so naive... I didn't cry like usual when I see animals in distress just now... I'm stronger now...
Whatever the makers of that documentary intended to achieve making the documentary, they sure achieved at least my renewed distrust and disgust for people....
God, please help me...
How can I be a doctor if I don't like people? It's really sickening.... I'm really fucked up...
I can just go on and wake up tomorrow morning and pretend nothing has happened, and go on like that because "what to do?"... typical...
What to do? There's no such thing as utopia.... only us and a stinky life...
Let's see what's keeping me going at the moment... Harrison's, my cup of coffee, caroling, Christmas, my tattoo.... that's all.
Is there anything to like about people?
I'm just not sure anymore...
And as I held my breath watching the rest of the documentary, my reasoning was getting haywired (by general selfish human standards)...
"Why should they culled the elephants because their numbers were getting too big for the area? When it's the villagers fault for impinging into their forest? Who are they to play God? Why don't they cull the villagers instead?"
"Why should they kill a whole herd of elephants just because they killed just 1 farmer?"
"Why are they so shocked with the killing rampage of the elephants? I thought they deserved it, after what they have done to them?"
"Why don't they think that 1 elephant life = 1 human life?"
My sentiment was of disgust and arespect for MY species... and I was so naive to be sooo shocked and so disturbed when I saw the documentary.... haven't I live long enough or haven't I seen enough to expect this from humans? Greedy, cruel, selfish humans...
I'm really so naive... I didn't cry like usual when I see animals in distress just now... I'm stronger now...
Whatever the makers of that documentary intended to achieve making the documentary, they sure achieved at least my renewed distrust and disgust for people....
God, please help me...
How can I be a doctor if I don't like people? It's really sickening.... I'm really fucked up...
I can just go on and wake up tomorrow morning and pretend nothing has happened, and go on like that because "what to do?"... typical...
What to do? There's no such thing as utopia.... only us and a stinky life...
Let's see what's keeping me going at the moment... Harrison's, my cup of coffee, caroling, Christmas, my tattoo.... that's all.
Is there anything to like about people?
I'm just not sure anymore...
My feet hurt
Wow... soooo tiring today... not because studied very hard or did anything super hectic.... only because we had to hang around the CTW the whole day because we didn't want to get into a confrontation with Dr. Annuar.... so the 9 of us pulled together and clerked our patients and even had our own mini ward round before we broke off at 4.30pm... we knew that he actually made some of the previous groups stay until 6pm... so we figured since he didn't even show up the whole day, so we decided not to make ourselves too tired... we have another huge obstacle tomorrow... BST with Dr. Mra... she wants short cases, so have to brush up on PE and some common conditions tonight...but really I'm expecting some form of showtime tomorrow.
Despite my extremely fatigued feet, I apologized to them and made them walk me home just now... at least doing ONE thing I enjoy today...
Then tomorrow the whole day in the CTW again, then I'm oncall at night... and apparently Dr. Annuar wants the students do overnight calls... forget it! I won't... when is it he expects us to study? If he's willing to do the overnight with us and teach us something, I may consider.
I actually fell asleep in library just now! I was too exhausted... was trying to read up on my 2 patients, both have irregularly irregular heartbeats.... but I dozed off on top of the huge, red cardiology textbook.
I really have to relocate my study mode... it just dawned on me just now how inadequate I was just now... I've forgotten so much.... and I'm going to be practising in 6 months time! *disturbed*
So tonight, read up PE, echocardiogram, AF, ACS, angina and warfarin... long night.... and I'm already very sleepy now.... maybe should ZZZzzzZZzz for while...
Cheers.
Despite my extremely fatigued feet, I apologized to them and made them walk me home just now... at least doing ONE thing I enjoy today...
Then tomorrow the whole day in the CTW again, then I'm oncall at night... and apparently Dr. Annuar wants the students do overnight calls... forget it! I won't... when is it he expects us to study? If he's willing to do the overnight with us and teach us something, I may consider.
I actually fell asleep in library just now! I was too exhausted... was trying to read up on my 2 patients, both have irregularly irregular heartbeats.... but I dozed off on top of the huge, red cardiology textbook.
I really have to relocate my study mode... it just dawned on me just now how inadequate I was just now... I've forgotten so much.... and I'm going to be practising in 6 months time! *disturbed*
So tonight, read up PE, echocardiogram, AF, ACS, angina and warfarin... long night.... and I'm already very sleepy now.... maybe should ZZZzzzZZzz for while...
Cheers.
Monday, 21 November 2005
I want to be a singer in my next life!
Just came home from one of the greatest experience of a lifetime for anyone... singing! Caroling practice actually, but my soul soared just now! *elated* No words can really describe my feelings just now... except maybe that it was nourishment to my soul!
Even if I eventually may not be able to go for the actually caroling, I won't mind one bit because the practices were really therapeutic... and I felt in touch with myself, something that I've not felt for quite a while, with all the hustle and bustle of my study life at the moment.
I have to be in the wards by 7am tomorrow morning! Because my group's in the Cardiothoracic ward this week and those concerned would know who and what is involved... no need to blaspheme on my part... don't want to ruin the floaty disposition I'm in right now...
Let's see... not bad when our minds are set at things... I finished my 10-week worth of timetable, which was quite a task in 45mins before dinner (with Uncle Jon outside) then rushed home for a bird bath and rushed to caroling practice... actually wanted to give it up just now... but the thought of singing.... I couldn't resist... :)
The timetable looked very workable... just hope to fill in the gaps and hopefully able to chase down some of the lecturers tomorrrow... I want everything settled by Wednesday the latest... but unfortunately despite my best efforts to avoid it, I have class the whole of this Saturday, because there was some sort of miscommunication between the lecturer and the presenting group just now... nevermind just a minor hitch... besides the the group presenting was kinda relived that it's Saturday cause the topic the're presenting is kinda heavy stuff...
So tonight I'll read up on Cardiology first eventhough I'm in Nephrology week because I'm in CTW this week... don't want to be run down by Dr. Annuar...
Oh, something a little disturbing happened before dinner... I received a call from a colleague from a another posting... someone from my group asked his favour to pass our logbooks to another member of my group this weekend but he couldn't pass directly to the person concerned, so he left it with the housemate of the intended person... unfortunately it didn't reach the person and subsequently the whole group was very blur this morning... and our coordinator was very upset with us because she said that she took the trouble to have the logbooks passed so that we could have it for the weekend, for our perusal and planning...
It's actually ok, except that some of the group members started blaming the poor guy... so he called me to explain himself (but I think what really happened was that someone implied to him that "I" blamed him because I showed some displeasure just now)... but the truth was I was upset with MY group memebers because I couldn't understand why they had to pass the logbooks to another 3rd party.... was it that hard just to hold on to it for the weekend until he or she meet the whole group on Monday morning?
Sometimes I really don't understand Homo sapiens....
But I truly felt sorry for my colleague... so I apologized to him just now on my group's behalf... hope he didn't get too upset.... Sorry Chak! (I hope I got the spelling of his nick name correct)
So tomorrow, bring it on! Cheers!
Even if I eventually may not be able to go for the actually caroling, I won't mind one bit because the practices were really therapeutic... and I felt in touch with myself, something that I've not felt for quite a while, with all the hustle and bustle of my study life at the moment.
I have to be in the wards by 7am tomorrow morning! Because my group's in the Cardiothoracic ward this week and those concerned would know who and what is involved... no need to blaspheme on my part... don't want to ruin the floaty disposition I'm in right now...
Let's see... not bad when our minds are set at things... I finished my 10-week worth of timetable, which was quite a task in 45mins before dinner (with Uncle Jon outside) then rushed home for a bird bath and rushed to caroling practice... actually wanted to give it up just now... but the thought of singing.... I couldn't resist... :)
The timetable looked very workable... just hope to fill in the gaps and hopefully able to chase down some of the lecturers tomorrrow... I want everything settled by Wednesday the latest... but unfortunately despite my best efforts to avoid it, I have class the whole of this Saturday, because there was some sort of miscommunication between the lecturer and the presenting group just now... nevermind just a minor hitch... besides the the group presenting was kinda relived that it's Saturday cause the topic the're presenting is kinda heavy stuff...
So tonight I'll read up on Cardiology first eventhough I'm in Nephrology week because I'm in CTW this week... don't want to be run down by Dr. Annuar...
Oh, something a little disturbing happened before dinner... I received a call from a colleague from a another posting... someone from my group asked his favour to pass our logbooks to another member of my group this weekend but he couldn't pass directly to the person concerned, so he left it with the housemate of the intended person... unfortunately it didn't reach the person and subsequently the whole group was very blur this morning... and our coordinator was very upset with us because she said that she took the trouble to have the logbooks passed so that we could have it for the weekend, for our perusal and planning...
It's actually ok, except that some of the group members started blaming the poor guy... so he called me to explain himself (but I think what really happened was that someone implied to him that "I" blamed him because I showed some displeasure just now)... but the truth was I was upset with MY group memebers because I couldn't understand why they had to pass the logbooks to another 3rd party.... was it that hard just to hold on to it for the weekend until he or she meet the whole group on Monday morning?
Sometimes I really don't understand Homo sapiens....
But I truly felt sorry for my colleague... so I apologized to him just now on my group's behalf... hope he didn't get too upset.... Sorry Chak! (I hope I got the spelling of his nick name correct)
So tomorrow, bring it on! Cheers!
Day 1
Ok Chris, who's the "internet" who's spreading news so fast? Yes, yes, I'm the new group leader... quite disturbed, but I sort of expected it... yalor I forgot to mention, it's one of the reasons why I also not looking forward to the posting... but nevermind liaw... I've accepted it. I know the group memang quite cacated... so who else? Cheh... Next posting, if they even suggest me for even sub-group leader... jaga them...
So since I'm the group leader... have to do things properly... luckily the other sub-group leaders very efficient.... Adrian and Mimi (thank God!) and also Yang is helping out.... I sort of delegate them to see some of the lecturers... hopefully everything will fall in place nicely by the end of this week.
I didn't even get to clerk any patients today because I was busy running around arranging classes and all... the medicine posting is a bit different because we don't have any timetable! So culture shock just now! They just give us the theme of the week and we have to go and arrange for the seminars or case presentations... and according to the coordinator, we can cancel any classes that we don't feel that would be very beneficial for us! She said it's "overseas" style... whatever lar....
But I woke up on the good side of teh bed this morning... so I'm feeling very pumped and not swayed by the events of the day... eventhough I'm supposed to clerk patients for tomorrow Cardiothoracic Ward rounds with Dr. Annuar, and I have the timetable to be sorted out, I'm still going for my caroling practice tonight. No question about that! I want to strike some balance in my life....
So I have to stop here.... have to start working on the timetable...
I hope Chris, Doreen and Soon Ching, you guys would enjoy your your Surgery posting! Heard that the schedule is a bit hectic but much more enjoyable than Medicine! So enjoy while it lasts!
Cheers!
So since I'm the group leader... have to do things properly... luckily the other sub-group leaders very efficient.... Adrian and Mimi (thank God!) and also Yang is helping out.... I sort of delegate them to see some of the lecturers... hopefully everything will fall in place nicely by the end of this week.
I didn't even get to clerk any patients today because I was busy running around arranging classes and all... the medicine posting is a bit different because we don't have any timetable! So culture shock just now! They just give us the theme of the week and we have to go and arrange for the seminars or case presentations... and according to the coordinator, we can cancel any classes that we don't feel that would be very beneficial for us! She said it's "overseas" style... whatever lar....
But I woke up on the good side of teh bed this morning... so I'm feeling very pumped and not swayed by the events of the day... eventhough I'm supposed to clerk patients for tomorrow Cardiothoracic Ward rounds with Dr. Annuar, and I have the timetable to be sorted out, I'm still going for my caroling practice tonight. No question about that! I want to strike some balance in my life....
So I have to stop here.... have to start working on the timetable...
I hope Chris, Doreen and Soon Ching, you guys would enjoy your your Surgery posting! Heard that the schedule is a bit hectic but much more enjoyable than Medicine! So enjoy while it lasts!
Cheers!
Sunday, 20 November 2005
Night cap
My tattoo is scabbing at the moment... got myself a RM27/- moisturizer specially for my tattoo yesterday... Palmer's Cocoa Butter something, something I think the brand, and it's really good... I usually get really dry skin around my fingernails, so last night I rubbed some around my fingernails and what you know, this morning, it's sooo smooth and there was less peeling than usual... quite miraculous you know the difference. Even Rosken, the brand I've been using for years, wasn't as good as Palmer's. And my nails looked shinier too!
There's really no pain or anything, the only discomfort is that the scabbing gives the tattoo a taut feeling, so everytime I bend or twist my body, it feels like my tattoo would crack or something, so I would usually run to a nearest mirror and check whether the tattoo is still pretty. So far so good... this morning I woke up and realized I was in a crouching position and probably stretching my tattoo, so I woke up immediately and checked it on my mirror. Haha! :)
This would go on for about a short while. Geryl said 1 week, but my cuz said usually 1 month... so I'll just see how long it takes before all my scab fall off. 1 month is actually quite ok for me... it's not too long.
Got a call from Jo just now... she thought I had to be posted outstation or something after reading my blog... but it's always great chatting with her... we'll be meeting up this Thursday because we're both invited to Ben's wedding reception! I thought it would be next month, but it's actually this Thurs, and I have NOTHING suitable to wear. Actually I have one dress that I was planning to wear to the C.O.W party next month... so maybe I just have to wear that first and figure out something for next month. It's not even new... it's a dress I bought 3 years ago and wore only once... and it doesn't look out of fashion, so I'll still wear it. It's not worth it buying a new dress because I don't usually wear dresses... but it's circumstances like this that makes me realize the importance of the basic black dress... I should get one.
Was reading up for tomorrow and thought I just drop a a line or 2 before ZZZzzzZZZZzz....
Bonne nuit everybody!
There's really no pain or anything, the only discomfort is that the scabbing gives the tattoo a taut feeling, so everytime I bend or twist my body, it feels like my tattoo would crack or something, so I would usually run to a nearest mirror and check whether the tattoo is still pretty. So far so good... this morning I woke up and realized I was in a crouching position and probably stretching my tattoo, so I woke up immediately and checked it on my mirror. Haha! :)
This would go on for about a short while. Geryl said 1 week, but my cuz said usually 1 month... so I'll just see how long it takes before all my scab fall off. 1 month is actually quite ok for me... it's not too long.
Got a call from Jo just now... she thought I had to be posted outstation or something after reading my blog... but it's always great chatting with her... we'll be meeting up this Thursday because we're both invited to Ben's wedding reception! I thought it would be next month, but it's actually this Thurs, and I have NOTHING suitable to wear. Actually I have one dress that I was planning to wear to the C.O.W party next month... so maybe I just have to wear that first and figure out something for next month. It's not even new... it's a dress I bought 3 years ago and wore only once... and it doesn't look out of fashion, so I'll still wear it. It's not worth it buying a new dress because I don't usually wear dresses... but it's circumstances like this that makes me realize the importance of the basic black dress... I should get one.
Was reading up for tomorrow and thought I just drop a a line or 2 before ZZZzzzZZZZzz....
Bonne nuit everybody!
I'm on my own
Tomorrow I'll begin my medicine posting, reputedly the most stressful and "difficult" posting of the 4 postings in final year. My feelings are mixed... insecurity would top them all, followed by little sense of regret and maybe some irritation, for whatever reason, it's sketchy even to me... The inevitable prospect of the posting tomorrow have made me a little depressed these couple of days actually, that's why I didn't really have the mood for replying emails and even updating my blog, and I wanted to clean and refurbish my room, that didn't take off.
Last night my galfriends organized a ladies' night out... enjoyed their company, but because they are ALL my coursemates, they didn't exactly ameliorate my unsettled feelings about my coming posting... I guess the only consolation was that I felt I wasn't alone... they each had their issues too...
My decision to stay clear of the faculty and any news associated with the faculty after my exam last Tuesday turned out to be quite disastrous. I cannot even begin to relate everything so I'll just leave it at that...
The issue now is whether I want to be self-sufficient or work for a "group" that doesn't recognize itself as a group... it's sickening...
So I guess everything is very clear... I'm on my own... no relying on other people and make sure I don't bother about other people as well... my focus would be my patients and I... all my other "group" members can go to hell. From my obeservation of what's going on for the past 6 months, self-sufficiency is the key... no point to invest anything else...
I'm feeling much better already even though I would consider this less than ideal for the start to anything... just hope it doesn't affect my Christmas... that would be a bummer... I would say that's one of the things that is keeping me going at the moment...
And of course my new tattoo! I love it sooo much! :)
It's quite hard to breathe at the moment, but I'm composed... yay maybe I should practise my breathing techniques for caroling... the one that Ben (our conductor/instructor) taught us last Friday. He's a really gifted musician and teacher... so I'm getting a dose of singing lesson, something I've always wanted to do! So that's a great thing.
He even asked me help him look up about the mechanics of the diaphragm for him, so he can explain the breathing thingy better... so I'll just to that... timely too, now that I'm doing medicine... high time to revise a little on respiratory physiology.
My caroling practices are on Mondays and Fridays... so that's not too bad... the only thing is that the actual Christmas week when we all get to sing would be Week 6 and Week 7 of my medicine posting... wonder how that would be like, the scheldule I mean...
Anyways, I didn't make it to mass with my parents 7.30am this morning... so I'm going o my own this evening... looking forward to that, want a bit more time on my own to collect myself for tomorrow...
Cheers people!
Last night my galfriends organized a ladies' night out... enjoyed their company, but because they are ALL my coursemates, they didn't exactly ameliorate my unsettled feelings about my coming posting... I guess the only consolation was that I felt I wasn't alone... they each had their issues too...
My decision to stay clear of the faculty and any news associated with the faculty after my exam last Tuesday turned out to be quite disastrous. I cannot even begin to relate everything so I'll just leave it at that...
The issue now is whether I want to be self-sufficient or work for a "group" that doesn't recognize itself as a group... it's sickening...
So I guess everything is very clear... I'm on my own... no relying on other people and make sure I don't bother about other people as well... my focus would be my patients and I... all my other "group" members can go to hell. From my obeservation of what's going on for the past 6 months, self-sufficiency is the key... no point to invest anything else...
I'm feeling much better already even though I would consider this less than ideal for the start to anything... just hope it doesn't affect my Christmas... that would be a bummer... I would say that's one of the things that is keeping me going at the moment...
And of course my new tattoo! I love it sooo much! :)
It's quite hard to breathe at the moment, but I'm composed... yay maybe I should practise my breathing techniques for caroling... the one that Ben (our conductor/instructor) taught us last Friday. He's a really gifted musician and teacher... so I'm getting a dose of singing lesson, something I've always wanted to do! So that's a great thing.
He even asked me help him look up about the mechanics of the diaphragm for him, so he can explain the breathing thingy better... so I'll just to that... timely too, now that I'm doing medicine... high time to revise a little on respiratory physiology.
My caroling practices are on Mondays and Fridays... so that's not too bad... the only thing is that the actual Christmas week when we all get to sing would be Week 6 and Week 7 of my medicine posting... wonder how that would be like, the scheldule I mean...
Anyways, I didn't make it to mass with my parents 7.30am this morning... so I'm going o my own this evening... looking forward to that, want a bit more time on my own to collect myself for tomorrow...
Cheers people!
Friday, 18 November 2005
It's gorgeous!
It took exactly 65mins! My dysmenorrhoea is usually more painful, so no issue on pain just now. But I love the design sooooo much!! Cool eh? It's the letter "S" (for my name la, bongok!) with traditional Iban curves, and the head is suppose to be a hornbill... the addition of the hornbil trying to eat a flower was my idea! Heheh.. The good thing is that my cuz said that the design, assymetry and position would leave plenty of rooom for future addition/extensions! So I may just make tattooing a regular holiday project... :)
Cheers people!
Thursday, 17 November 2005
Can't wait for tomorrow!
My tattoo appointment's tomorrow 2pm. Won't reveal my tattoo design until after everything's done. :) Very excited! All I can say that it's custom-designed, personalized and very simple! So I was told that it would only take an hour...
Good night!
Good night!
My Godchildren are soooo adorable!
Jo & her babies, (L-R) Bobby, Sasha & Mellow
Mellow & I!
Sasha striking a pose for me!
"I don't care! I want to go for a ride NOW!"
Chilling out...Guess what I had for buffet?
I had Japanese buffet at Crown Plaza, my uncle's treat! Soooo blissful just now... had tonnes and tonnes of sashimi... and my fav udon! They also served really nice-looking tempura but I had too much so didn't even get to eat that! Their dessert spread was also excellent! Chocolate cakes and black forest and starwberry meringue! It's RM50++/person... yeah kinda expensive for buffet dinner, but if you think about it... Japanese.... it's really quite worth it! Some months back I had a comparatively very simple Japanese alacarte dinner... and it cost us RM220/- for 5 persons... so that means RM44/- each... the food wasn't even half as nice eventhough the restaurant was an actual Japanese restaurant... so if you love Japanese, it's really, really worth it! And it was full house this evening... according to my uncle he tried in vain to get a reservation last week... apparently it's very popular, in fact the most popular buffet for the hotel... it's on Wednesdays and Saturdays....
The sad thing was that my dad thought it was a waste on his part because he's not into Japanese... my mum too, but she didn't complain because the dessert spread was good enough for her!
After dinner it was still early, so my sis and I swung over to the Youth Room for Praise meet... big crowd tonight, mostly campers from Camp OneWay... it's really nice to see them and I guess though I wasn't very in touch with the session, I loved the new addition of youthfulness... their roars of laughter, their fidgetiness.... all these bring a "brand new" feeling you know... but at the same time gave a sense of nostalgia as well because it reminded me of YCS back in school.... those were the days...
Oh just now I forgot to say something about The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Went with mum for the 1st show this morning 11am... we both enjoyed it.... not scary at all la... I personally found it intriguing, it's based on the true story of a German girl, Anneliese Michel in the 70's... I'll continue tomorrow... kinda sleepy now...
Good night! Cheers!
The sad thing was that my dad thought it was a waste on his part because he's not into Japanese... my mum too, but she didn't complain because the dessert spread was good enough for her!
After dinner it was still early, so my sis and I swung over to the Youth Room for Praise meet... big crowd tonight, mostly campers from Camp OneWay... it's really nice to see them and I guess though I wasn't very in touch with the session, I loved the new addition of youthfulness... their roars of laughter, their fidgetiness.... all these bring a "brand new" feeling you know... but at the same time gave a sense of nostalgia as well because it reminded me of YCS back in school.... those were the days...
Oh just now I forgot to say something about The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Went with mum for the 1st show this morning 11am... we both enjoyed it.... not scary at all la... I personally found it intriguing, it's based on the true story of a German girl, Anneliese Michel in the 70's... I'll continue tomorrow... kinda sleepy now...
Good night! Cheers!
Wednesday, 16 November 2005
1st brief post-exam get-together
The Coffee Master at Gateway Somerset serves pretty decent ice-blended coffee for half the price of one in Coffee Bean... I had the Oreo Coffee Ice-blended (RM6.90++)... and Chris and Doreen each had some fruit juice and shared a tuna pizza (they said it was appetizing, cheesy, overall "not bad")... the place cozy and ambience classy and relaxing, but we felt that we had to keep our volumes down because the place quite small, only about 6-8 tables...
Overall, I would give 7/10 rating, so I would recommend the place for a mellow and laid-back get-together for a chit-chat or just to chill out. For small groups... max 4 persons.
Chris and Doreen just finished off with their O&G clinical exams... so many stories were shared among us... but I could sense that the poor girls were still a bit dazed.... understandable... so the little get-together was brief but I was very happy to see them! And I'm also very happy for Chris, despite her very traumatic long case... everything turned out good! She deserved it! :)
My uncle's inviting us for buffet dinner at Crown Plaza tonight! (Oh no, excessive eating again tonight!) But I love my 2 bachelor uncles, so loking forward to it later... one from mum side and the other my dad's twin brother. The one from my mum side is super quiet, very straight, old-fashioned and decent... you know, alterboy type...so I can ask him serious stuff, practical things.... I got my middle name from him... he's Valentine, so I'm Valentina... :) then my dad's twin brother is more articulate, very trendy, and can be quite bitchy, so I enjoy talking to him... he's very updated about movies and the latest fashion, and I like that he's very observant about details like our clothes and our hairdo and earrings... so aren't I a very lucky niece?
After dinner tonight I think I'll join my sis for Praise Meet over at St. Joseph's... I would love to sing tonight! Just can't tolerate the long-winded prayers.... And I heard caroling starts Friday... :) *Yipee!* I've already dugged out my old black clear folder that I used to keep all my carol notes last year the other day... and couple nights ago, when I was all alone at home, I sang a few of my old-time fav carols SSOOOO loud in my room.... I guess I love Christmas caroling because it brings me back to my secondary school years... never missed a year of caroling from Form 1 to Form 5!
Oh ya, check out my cuz's tattoo page on my links...
And I don't think I can really enjoy the buffet tonight... I'm not hungry.. and the coffee just now was pretty "feeling" because it had sooo much cream... I feel a little sick actually...
Cheers!
Overall, I would give 7/10 rating, so I would recommend the place for a mellow and laid-back get-together for a chit-chat or just to chill out. For small groups... max 4 persons.
Chris and Doreen just finished off with their O&G clinical exams... so many stories were shared among us... but I could sense that the poor girls were still a bit dazed.... understandable... so the little get-together was brief but I was very happy to see them! And I'm also very happy for Chris, despite her very traumatic long case... everything turned out good! She deserved it! :)
My uncle's inviting us for buffet dinner at Crown Plaza tonight! (Oh no, excessive eating again tonight!) But I love my 2 bachelor uncles, so loking forward to it later... one from mum side and the other my dad's twin brother. The one from my mum side is super quiet, very straight, old-fashioned and decent... you know, alterboy type...so I can ask him serious stuff, practical things.... I got my middle name from him... he's Valentine, so I'm Valentina... :) then my dad's twin brother is more articulate, very trendy, and can be quite bitchy, so I enjoy talking to him... he's very updated about movies and the latest fashion, and I like that he's very observant about details like our clothes and our hairdo and earrings... so aren't I a very lucky niece?
After dinner tonight I think I'll join my sis for Praise Meet over at St. Joseph's... I would love to sing tonight! Just can't tolerate the long-winded prayers.... And I heard caroling starts Friday... :) *Yipee!* I've already dugged out my old black clear folder that I used to keep all my carol notes last year the other day... and couple nights ago, when I was all alone at home, I sang a few of my old-time fav carols SSOOOO loud in my room.... I guess I love Christmas caroling because it brings me back to my secondary school years... never missed a year of caroling from Form 1 to Form 5!
Oh ya, check out my cuz's tattoo page on my links...
And I don't think I can really enjoy the buffet tonight... I'm not hungry.. and the coffee just now was pretty "feeling" because it had sooo much cream... I feel a little sick actually...
Cheers!
I'm waiting up for House 2am
I'm staying up this morning, 1.45am now, to watch House on AXN... I didn't get to watch at 10pm just now because my mum wanted to watch her Thai, Indian and Spanish soaps starting from 9pm-12 midnight. So since I'm not waking up early tomorrow, so I gave in to her...
My hair colour turned out quite well... it's darker now... so no more looking like an orang utan... I thought in one picture I took recently which I was under the sun, made my hair looked orangey-red, just like the orang utan... that was actually the main reason why I decided to dye my hair again... the last time was 3 months ago... hmmm.. that's kind of close... better keep a mental reminder about the frequency of my hair-dying... don't want to end up with cancer. The other reason is because since my previous colour was kinda bright, so the new hair growth is so obvious and tarry black along my hair parting... didn't look very nice.
Another thing I'm doing right now is actually looking for a pattern/motive/design for my tattoo... I've not really decided yet... maybe a really cool design may crop up, and I'll be too enchanted or inspired to really get it done or something... so I'll see what happens. I'm actually in favour of a tribal or a local native motive, but it's hard to find something like that that's small and localized... my uncle actually suggested a butterfly?? Pretty, but just not me... imagine a fat butterfly?? Muahahahah!!
Ok, House's on. Cheers!
My hair colour turned out quite well... it's darker now... so no more looking like an orang utan... I thought in one picture I took recently which I was under the sun, made my hair looked orangey-red, just like the orang utan... that was actually the main reason why I decided to dye my hair again... the last time was 3 months ago... hmmm.. that's kind of close... better keep a mental reminder about the frequency of my hair-dying... don't want to end up with cancer. The other reason is because since my previous colour was kinda bright, so the new hair growth is so obvious and tarry black along my hair parting... didn't look very nice.
Another thing I'm doing right now is actually looking for a pattern/motive/design for my tattoo... I've not really decided yet... maybe a really cool design may crop up, and I'll be too enchanted or inspired to really get it done or something... so I'll see what happens. I'm actually in favour of a tribal or a local native motive, but it's hard to find something like that that's small and localized... my uncle actually suggested a butterfly?? Pretty, but just not me... imagine a fat butterfly?? Muahahahah!!
Ok, House's on. Cheers!
Tuesday, 15 November 2005
Clinical exam (The end)
Ok before I start my musing, I really, really have to thank Chris and Jason for their support! No worries guys, I'm not sooo disturbed anymore, it's usually transient.... if I didn't write those all down just now when I got back from the exam, I won't have written it down after dinner or tomorrow... it's just the right moment... which is really great because I love to read back some of my entries and laugh over how silly and bimbo I am sometimes... muhahahah!! Thanks again... whether I pass or flunk my clinicals, it doesn't really matter at this juncture, I learn something today and I'll just keep my fingers crossed that my theory papers would scrap me through... and my continuous assessment...
Don't worry Chris about O&G... I remember once Dr. Shamsir said that O&G exams are designed for the students to get a certain mark... it's purposely structured in such a way that it's not supposed to be easy for the students... hope you understand me... Yes, I remembered my O&G MCQ was very tough too... Just be steady in your long and short cases tomorrow... I know you can do it! All the best! Chia yu! <--- Add oil! :) Muahahaha!!
So funny just now during quarantine waiting for our turns for exams.... Mimi was mumbling on why she was doing medicine.... "Kan baik kalau kahwin dan duduk rumah..."... "Why we put ourselves through this..." she continued... we were both that time trying to comfort each other, because we were kind of nervous, and Chee Shee came and started talking like a VCD seller in pasar malam... "DIE lor, DIE lor! Cannot study anymore liaw..." "Aiyoh DIE lor... the external examiner with Dr. Teh ah.. DIE lor whoever get them..." He kept on DIE-ing until the other students ssshhhed him.... really ah this guy... just now I wished that he would also DIE at that moment... And Dr. Ng was also very cute just now... he walked past us and suddenly said.... "Hi guys... how are you all? Want a hint?" he asked in a very discrete and secretive manner...... "You guys are getting children! Haha!" So sadistic... but he was trying to "cheer" us up... Ok, I'll officially stop talking about the exam from this point onwards...
Now I'm going to talk about MY Dr. Teh! Muahahah! Before the exam started, he already smiled at me from a distance! I didn't feel faint and I could smile back! And I was very professional... I didn't let it affect me during my exam at all :) so proud of myself in this aspect... muahahahah!! I just wish I had done better in front of him... good impression mah... but anyways he wasn't the main "questioner", Prof Malik was...
The new "Mystical Morrocan" in Pizza Hut wasn't that mystical after all... if you like BBQ sauce, you'll love this new topping. We didn't know that it's all about BBQ sauce, so when it came out and we started feasting on it, my mum was very, very disappointed, because she never really fancied BBQ sauce. It's ok for me... anything palatable is ok for me... not very picky eater... my dad was cuter... he said it tasted the same as all the other pizzas he had eaten all his life ( you should see how he drowns his slice of pizza with ketchup or chilli sauce... so that's why I'm sure it all taste the same...)... my sis' in on diet, so I guess she didn't really enjoy herself... too bad for her.
Ok, I decided that I would save myself at least RM80/- because I bought DIY hairdye just now after dinner... so planning to dye my hair while watching House (2nd show 1am or 2am...)... bought something more somber this time, "light warm brown" which looks kinda natural on the box model... hope it will look ok on me...
Ok, will stop here... cheers people!
Don't worry Chris about O&G... I remember once Dr. Shamsir said that O&G exams are designed for the students to get a certain mark... it's purposely structured in such a way that it's not supposed to be easy for the students... hope you understand me... Yes, I remembered my O&G MCQ was very tough too... Just be steady in your long and short cases tomorrow... I know you can do it! All the best! Chia yu! <--- Add oil! :) Muahahaha!!
So funny just now during quarantine waiting for our turns for exams.... Mimi was mumbling on why she was doing medicine.... "Kan baik kalau kahwin dan duduk rumah..."... "Why we put ourselves through this..." she continued... we were both that time trying to comfort each other, because we were kind of nervous, and Chee Shee came and started talking like a VCD seller in pasar malam... "DIE lor, DIE lor! Cannot study anymore liaw..." "Aiyoh DIE lor... the external examiner with Dr. Teh ah.. DIE lor whoever get them..." He kept on DIE-ing until the other students ssshhhed him.... really ah this guy... just now I wished that he would also DIE at that moment... And Dr. Ng was also very cute just now... he walked past us and suddenly said.... "Hi guys... how are you all? Want a hint?" he asked in a very discrete and secretive manner...... "You guys are getting children! Haha!" So sadistic... but he was trying to "cheer" us up... Ok, I'll officially stop talking about the exam from this point onwards...
Now I'm going to talk about MY Dr. Teh! Muahahah! Before the exam started, he already smiled at me from a distance! I didn't feel faint and I could smile back! And I was very professional... I didn't let it affect me during my exam at all :) so proud of myself in this aspect... muahahahah!! I just wish I had done better in front of him... good impression mah... but anyways he wasn't the main "questioner", Prof Malik was...
The new "Mystical Morrocan" in Pizza Hut wasn't that mystical after all... if you like BBQ sauce, you'll love this new topping. We didn't know that it's all about BBQ sauce, so when it came out and we started feasting on it, my mum was very, very disappointed, because she never really fancied BBQ sauce. It's ok for me... anything palatable is ok for me... not very picky eater... my dad was cuter... he said it tasted the same as all the other pizzas he had eaten all his life ( you should see how he drowns his slice of pizza with ketchup or chilli sauce... so that's why I'm sure it all taste the same...)... my sis' in on diet, so I guess she didn't really enjoy herself... too bad for her.
Ok, I decided that I would save myself at least RM80/- because I bought DIY hairdye just now after dinner... so planning to dye my hair while watching House (2nd show 1am or 2am...)... bought something more somber this time, "light warm brown" which looks kinda natural on the box model... hope it will look ok on me...
Ok, will stop here... cheers people!
Clinical exam (Part 1)
Actually I feel a little breathing difficulty... like something heavy limiting my chest expansion... but I'm trying to focus my mind on other things, like my what I'm going to do tonight to celebrate the end of my paediatric posting, my pizza dinner with my family, tattoo and my movie marathon tomorrow... but I figure writing about what's bothering me would be more therapeutic.
Ok, let's start. It's the same cycle repeating itself everytime after clinical exam... lots and lots of "Oh no!", "I should have!", "Shit!", "I could I have!"... but all those have been translated to a more somber but composed self today, after more than 2 years of the same experience over and over again.
I would say that I kind of screwed up my long case because Prof. Malik caught me by asking if my patient who is 2 years old now, what would have been his last immunization... and I said OPV! My 2nd answer in retalliation to their facial expressions was MMR! Then their faces cringe again.... then I said Hep B! Whatever... That really shook my confidence for a while. I could really murder myself after thinking back what happened just now. And I was a bit distracted by that one hiccup because I suddenly recalled what Chris told us about her sis' experience with Prof Malik and a question on immunization...
Oh before I go on, I got Prof Malik and MY Dr. Teh for my examiners! Thta's why it was even worse...
I got a thalassaemia patient for long case... and I must say that I studied the subject inside out upside down so many times, but I still didn't rise to the occasion... I'm a jinx. While describing the facial appearance of the child, I was "derailed" by Dr. Teh's line of questioning... "do you see any abnormal characteristics?... does the child look like his mother?... and at that moment I thought he was trying to lead me to some syndromes... but I really didn't see anything besides the facies of a thalassaemic patient... so I described frontal bossing, which was the most obvious, period! Then he asked me to observe his cheeks around the nose... I hesitated... and said I didn't see anything... instead I described the child having a rather depressed nasal bridge and some degree of hypertelorism! After the exam than I realized that he was trying to point out maxillary hypoplasia to me!!!
Now I have abdominal pain...
After that, I guess I could answer most of the questions on management and complications and prognosis... but the heavy feeling on my chest was already there...
I was still thinking about the immunization question...
Then my short cases were taken by Dr. Chan and Dr. Myint... they were very nice... but I think I missed something on my first child who had a systolic murmur on the left upper sternal edge... not in heart failure... I think no other findings.... so my provisional diagnosis was acyanotic congenital heart disease... so I gave all the relevant differential diagnosis, but towards the end of the exam, Dr. Chan asked me to reauscultate the child... and I still didn't hear anything extra... Dr. Myint asked me whether I hear the 1st and 2nd heart sounds... and I said I could hear them distinctly.... but they asked me a lot of questions about my diagnosis anyways... so I'm save... but I'm a bit perturbed.
Then my 2nd child was a very obvious quadrplegic spastic cerebral palsy... and I was very happy to see her actually initially because I would say that I have a thing for special children, so I would say that I'm quite well-versed and confident in those topics... buuuttt, Dr. Chan started asking me questions about Polio, and the site of the lesion for the child's quadriplegia... which I couldn't answer... AARRGGGHH! Pretty bummed about that... not because I totally couldn't answer the questions... I just didn't sound very convincing in my opinion...
Anyways... have to stop here... my sis needs the PC... will "release" some more tonight.
Cheers!
Ok, let's start. It's the same cycle repeating itself everytime after clinical exam... lots and lots of "Oh no!", "I should have!", "Shit!", "I could I have!"... but all those have been translated to a more somber but composed self today, after more than 2 years of the same experience over and over again.
I would say that I kind of screwed up my long case because Prof. Malik caught me by asking if my patient who is 2 years old now, what would have been his last immunization... and I said OPV! My 2nd answer in retalliation to their facial expressions was MMR! Then their faces cringe again.... then I said Hep B! Whatever... That really shook my confidence for a while. I could really murder myself after thinking back what happened just now. And I was a bit distracted by that one hiccup because I suddenly recalled what Chris told us about her sis' experience with Prof Malik and a question on immunization...
Oh before I go on, I got Prof Malik and MY Dr. Teh for my examiners! Thta's why it was even worse...
I got a thalassaemia patient for long case... and I must say that I studied the subject inside out upside down so many times, but I still didn't rise to the occasion... I'm a jinx. While describing the facial appearance of the child, I was "derailed" by Dr. Teh's line of questioning... "do you see any abnormal characteristics?... does the child look like his mother?... and at that moment I thought he was trying to lead me to some syndromes... but I really didn't see anything besides the facies of a thalassaemic patient... so I described frontal bossing, which was the most obvious, period! Then he asked me to observe his cheeks around the nose... I hesitated... and said I didn't see anything... instead I described the child having a rather depressed nasal bridge and some degree of hypertelorism! After the exam than I realized that he was trying to point out maxillary hypoplasia to me!!!
Now I have abdominal pain...
After that, I guess I could answer most of the questions on management and complications and prognosis... but the heavy feeling on my chest was already there...
I was still thinking about the immunization question...
Then my short cases were taken by Dr. Chan and Dr. Myint... they were very nice... but I think I missed something on my first child who had a systolic murmur on the left upper sternal edge... not in heart failure... I think no other findings.... so my provisional diagnosis was acyanotic congenital heart disease... so I gave all the relevant differential diagnosis, but towards the end of the exam, Dr. Chan asked me to reauscultate the child... and I still didn't hear anything extra... Dr. Myint asked me whether I hear the 1st and 2nd heart sounds... and I said I could hear them distinctly.... but they asked me a lot of questions about my diagnosis anyways... so I'm save... but I'm a bit perturbed.
Then my 2nd child was a very obvious quadrplegic spastic cerebral palsy... and I was very happy to see her actually initially because I would say that I have a thing for special children, so I would say that I'm quite well-versed and confident in those topics... buuuttt, Dr. Chan started asking me questions about Polio, and the site of the lesion for the child's quadriplegia... which I couldn't answer... AARRGGGHH! Pretty bummed about that... not because I totally couldn't answer the questions... I just didn't sound very convincing in my opinion...
Anyways... have to stop here... my sis needs the PC... will "release" some more tonight.
Cheers!
Monday, 14 November 2005
Exam, Chicken Corn Soup, Emily Rose and Tattoo
My written exams are over! Weird, I don't know how I feel... the papers were tough, but I don't feel much... I guess I'm glad I learn more things today... the great thing about exam is that we get a different angle to what we have learnt... you know... like you've studied something and you understand it a certain way... but the exam questions would actually challenge you to think about something from another angle... it's really a good thing, but the unfortunate bit is that there's a passing and failing issue.
Anyways, half the battle has been fought (and won, hopefully...), tomorrow would be another long day, extra long for me because my turn's in the afternoon... but I have to be at the quarantine room at 12noon... I think I only get to start at 1 something... because the examiners would need their lunch breaks. Before that, I would have the whole morning to pace around the house, calculate my pulse rate... was doing that last night as struggled to sleep at 1am... kept tossing and turning... and had some palpitations... but pulse rate was consistent at 80bpm.
Dr. Padmini was saying just now... "You all will be getting common things for your clinical exam tomorrow.... so don't go about making some exotic diagnosis.... what's common, is common..."
Sound advice....
Mum's making chicken corn soup in the kitchen... yummy... can smell it in here... :)
Invited my parents to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose on Wednesday afternoon... my mum's interested... dad not really... hope there would be an afternoon show... then probably watch something else with Chris and Doreen later in the evening, maybe Chicken Little? Or whatever that looks not too cheapskate... since Chris' not a fan of horror flicks... I'm not either but I'm interested in this one just because it's based on a true story and it involved a Catholic priest... and also the story centres around a court trial... love that!
That's because I fancied myself being a criminal lawyer once upon a time... but I can't lie convincingly, and I'm too emotional, so bad idea...
I usually love war movies, violent fighting movies that involves a lot of blood, movies with cute animals, love stories if the actors are cute, epics.... that's why my all-time favourite is Braveheart! I don't know how many times I saw it on VCD before it went caput... ya that reminds me... I want to get it on DVD...
I'll check my $$$ status on Wednesday and decide whether to get a tattoo or dye my hair, or get a new jacket. My cuz's back in town, so I may just pop into his new tattoo studio.
I've been contemplating the tattoo thingy for too long... so I don't know what that means... maybe I'm too chicken to actually get it? Or is it I'm hesistant because my parents were psychoing me and my sis some time ago that both of us are in the professional field, so it won't be befitting for either one of us to have it.... but most of the time in my mind, most of the time I'm like, "The hell with what people think!"... but at the same time, I'm scared that I might actually regret it later of fall out of love with it.... and it would be too much a hassle to have it removed...
Anyways, I'll contemplate more tomorrow after my 2nd short case.
Cheers people!
Anyways, half the battle has been fought (and won, hopefully...), tomorrow would be another long day, extra long for me because my turn's in the afternoon... but I have to be at the quarantine room at 12noon... I think I only get to start at 1 something... because the examiners would need their lunch breaks. Before that, I would have the whole morning to pace around the house, calculate my pulse rate... was doing that last night as struggled to sleep at 1am... kept tossing and turning... and had some palpitations... but pulse rate was consistent at 80bpm.
Dr. Padmini was saying just now... "You all will be getting common things for your clinical exam tomorrow.... so don't go about making some exotic diagnosis.... what's common, is common..."
Sound advice....
Mum's making chicken corn soup in the kitchen... yummy... can smell it in here... :)
Invited my parents to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose on Wednesday afternoon... my mum's interested... dad not really... hope there would be an afternoon show... then probably watch something else with Chris and Doreen later in the evening, maybe Chicken Little? Or whatever that looks not too cheapskate... since Chris' not a fan of horror flicks... I'm not either but I'm interested in this one just because it's based on a true story and it involved a Catholic priest... and also the story centres around a court trial... love that!
That's because I fancied myself being a criminal lawyer once upon a time... but I can't lie convincingly, and I'm too emotional, so bad idea...
I usually love war movies, violent fighting movies that involves a lot of blood, movies with cute animals, love stories if the actors are cute, epics.... that's why my all-time favourite is Braveheart! I don't know how many times I saw it on VCD before it went caput... ya that reminds me... I want to get it on DVD...
I'll check my $$$ status on Wednesday and decide whether to get a tattoo or dye my hair, or get a new jacket. My cuz's back in town, so I may just pop into his new tattoo studio.
I've been contemplating the tattoo thingy for too long... so I don't know what that means... maybe I'm too chicken to actually get it? Or is it I'm hesistant because my parents were psychoing me and my sis some time ago that both of us are in the professional field, so it won't be befitting for either one of us to have it.... but most of the time in my mind, most of the time I'm like, "The hell with what people think!"... but at the same time, I'm scared that I might actually regret it later of fall out of love with it.... and it would be too much a hassle to have it removed...
Anyways, I'll contemplate more tomorrow after my 2nd short case.
Cheers people!
Sunday, 13 November 2005
Funny bone!
About 16 more hours to go before my final paediatric exam of my life as a medical student! (unless of course I flunk the whole year and have to repeat the whole final year... ssshhh!!) I mean it doesn't include my final professional exam where paediatric would be included as well, but I mean pure paediatrics, so I'm pretty psyched about it!
Actually I'm writing just to psyche myself...I want to get into the mood of wanting to push, and that mood of squeezing the last few words onto the answer sheet as the clock tick 10 seconds into the end of the paper... and I want to be proactive, but collected and unmoved and unperturbed by the usually rowdy colleagues after each paper, discussing what they should have and shouldn't have answered....
I have MCQ, MEQ, BAQ, OSCE tomorrow... technically I have 4 papers, but OSCE is "station" exam... we move from one station to another, each station lasting 5 mins... there should be 10 stations, I think... I'm fine with theory papers, because there's really nothing to fear or not fear about, because anything and everything could come out, so no point sweating over it.... I'm more worried about Tuesday's clinical exam.... 1 long case and 2 short cases... it's usually the unbearable embarassment that I feel towards the examiners (who are are our university lecturers and SGH specialists...) if I can't answer the questions or I make a silly mistake... if they are external examiners (whom we don't get to see after the exam) then it's really fine...
But I'm coping quite well... usually before any major exams, I would experience some form of sympathetic overdrive, but so far no restlessness, altered bowel habits, altered "bladder" habits, no odd behaviours at home...
I woke up 6.30am this morning to get ready for mass... didn't feel the connection I was hoping for, but I did enjoy the singing very much.... I was actually day-dreaming away during mass about how much fun caroling would be next month! I'm planning to join the same group last year, if they would have me.... apparently the church have urged the groups to limit the number of carolers so as not to embarass the houses that were too small to accomodate the big groups... and I can't see how my spot can be guranteed, not exactly one of the super supranos or sultry altos... just have to keep my fingers crossed.
When I got back from church this morning I was surprised to see multiple missed calls on my phone from an unfamiliar number.... then an sms from the same number... it was Geryl! Called him back immediately because the whole scenario reaked urgency...
He had some bad news... his cousin succumbed after a 14-hour eye operation to remove a tumour... I don't really know the details and didn't ask over the phone because it didn't seem appropriate at that moment.... but anyways he was trying to get hold of me to ask me where he could buy formalin...
But the whole conversation was really funny when I thought about it back... he started off by telling me that he was trying to get hold of me to ask about where to get cheaper formalin... he didn't mention first about his cousin's passing... he said that the hospital morgue was selling it very expensive...
"What does he need formalin for?" *creepy*
I think he took a while more before revealing about his cousin... then he said he managed to contact Connie, and said a few more things about her, but I couldn't really concentrate because I was like, "Oh ok, that's what he need the formalin for..." :) Muahaha!
Geryl, no offence, but I think it's just me... *apologetic*
I'm really sorry about your cousin... Will catch up with you later this week...
During the last bedside teaching with Dr. Hii on Thursday, a colleague presented a case of food poisoning in a family of 8 during the Raya celebration... and everyone was contributing some differential diagnosis, then I suddenly said, "Maybe somebody tried to poison the whole family!" Everyone just looked at me for a brief moment, and waited for Dr. Hii's response... luckily she was like, "Yes, that's a possibility..." but she had a little puzzled, and maybe also an amused look on her face....
I believe humans are humans... we are capable of anything... I have to admit I thought of poisoning somebody in school last time.... muahahahahha!!!
Ok, cheers people, before too many skeletons fall out from my closet!
Actually I'm writing just to psyche myself...I want to get into the mood of wanting to push, and that mood of squeezing the last few words onto the answer sheet as the clock tick 10 seconds into the end of the paper... and I want to be proactive, but collected and unmoved and unperturbed by the usually rowdy colleagues after each paper, discussing what they should have and shouldn't have answered....
I have MCQ, MEQ, BAQ, OSCE tomorrow... technically I have 4 papers, but OSCE is "station" exam... we move from one station to another, each station lasting 5 mins... there should be 10 stations, I think... I'm fine with theory papers, because there's really nothing to fear or not fear about, because anything and everything could come out, so no point sweating over it.... I'm more worried about Tuesday's clinical exam.... 1 long case and 2 short cases... it's usually the unbearable embarassment that I feel towards the examiners (who are are our university lecturers and SGH specialists...) if I can't answer the questions or I make a silly mistake... if they are external examiners (whom we don't get to see after the exam) then it's really fine...
But I'm coping quite well... usually before any major exams, I would experience some form of sympathetic overdrive, but so far no restlessness, altered bowel habits, altered "bladder" habits, no odd behaviours at home...
I woke up 6.30am this morning to get ready for mass... didn't feel the connection I was hoping for, but I did enjoy the singing very much.... I was actually day-dreaming away during mass about how much fun caroling would be next month! I'm planning to join the same group last year, if they would have me.... apparently the church have urged the groups to limit the number of carolers so as not to embarass the houses that were too small to accomodate the big groups... and I can't see how my spot can be guranteed, not exactly one of the super supranos or sultry altos... just have to keep my fingers crossed.
When I got back from church this morning I was surprised to see multiple missed calls on my phone from an unfamiliar number.... then an sms from the same number... it was Geryl! Called him back immediately because the whole scenario reaked urgency...
He had some bad news... his cousin succumbed after a 14-hour eye operation to remove a tumour... I don't really know the details and didn't ask over the phone because it didn't seem appropriate at that moment.... but anyways he was trying to get hold of me to ask me where he could buy formalin...
But the whole conversation was really funny when I thought about it back... he started off by telling me that he was trying to get hold of me to ask about where to get cheaper formalin... he didn't mention first about his cousin's passing... he said that the hospital morgue was selling it very expensive...
"What does he need formalin for?" *creepy*
I think he took a while more before revealing about his cousin... then he said he managed to contact Connie, and said a few more things about her, but I couldn't really concentrate because I was like, "Oh ok, that's what he need the formalin for..." :) Muahaha!
Geryl, no offence, but I think it's just me... *apologetic*
I'm really sorry about your cousin... Will catch up with you later this week...
During the last bedside teaching with Dr. Hii on Thursday, a colleague presented a case of food poisoning in a family of 8 during the Raya celebration... and everyone was contributing some differential diagnosis, then I suddenly said, "Maybe somebody tried to poison the whole family!" Everyone just looked at me for a brief moment, and waited for Dr. Hii's response... luckily she was like, "Yes, that's a possibility..." but she had a little puzzled, and maybe also an amused look on her face....
I believe humans are humans... we are capable of anything... I have to admit I thought of poisoning somebody in school last time.... muahahahahha!!!
Ok, cheers people, before too many skeletons fall out from my closet!
Saturday, 12 November 2005
High-tea & exam strategy
I joined my mum and her 2 ex-colleagues for high-tea at Hilton just now... the spread was quite good for RM29/- per head... it particularly appealed to me because of the good salad spread, and the sandwiches and croissants were really nice... was a bit dissapointed with the sushi spread though... they only served crab stick and egg sushi. They had laksa, fried kway tiau, some fried fish and chicken and stuff, but I didn't go for those... the dessert spread was good enough for me... had the strawberry mousse and both chocolate and corn-flavoured ice-cream! But they didn't have many cakes and pastries, unlike some other hotels that I can remember. Overall, 7/10!
If only they had sushi high-tea... that would REALLY appeal to me... oh ya which reminds me... I heard that Crown Plaza has Japanese Buffet? I'll check that out...
My revision progress today is as slow as ever... but for some reason I'm really enjoying my reading today... I'm so in love with my Papa Nelson! I know it's not really a good strategy to be reading such a huge textbook less than 48 hours before exam, but it's too addictive! At first I wanted just to read through my notes and the hospital protocol, but when stuff started cropping up and I had to refer to Papa Nelson, then there it all started... :) I guess I'm very set on studying for quenching my thirst for knowledge (cheh... but it's kinda true because I'm very obsessed with finding out what I want to know whether it's very relevant or not to my current situation...), not so much for scoring in exams... on the off set it's pretty silly, but in the long run, I know what's better...
I've tried the conventional way before (which didn't suit me very much, made me miserable...), and yes I score great marks, but several months down the line, I forget them, and when questioned, I realized that I didn't understand the subject asked very well in the first place... because there was never a thirst to know more, never the obsession to find the answers, just knowing the superficial to answer exam questions were good enough for me... and now I'm suffering the consequences of that... so I've learnt my lesson (hopefully not too late...) and that's why I'm very stubborn with my strategy now...
And that makes me blissful! I need that to continue to be sane, because I know my limitations... It's ok if I don't get an A or even a B, because at the end of the day, I'm forced to be honest with myself when I have to care for real patients (just a few more months down the line), when I'm all alone in the district hospital, and have to make a decision that's a matter of life and death. When that time comes, I can't only pray very hard and hope that what time I've invested into my studies will pay off.
Ok, better stop here... need to ZZZzzzZZzz earlier tonight... following my parents for 7.30am mass tomorrow...
Bonne nuit.
If only they had sushi high-tea... that would REALLY appeal to me... oh ya which reminds me... I heard that Crown Plaza has Japanese Buffet? I'll check that out...
My revision progress today is as slow as ever... but for some reason I'm really enjoying my reading today... I'm so in love with my Papa Nelson! I know it's not really a good strategy to be reading such a huge textbook less than 48 hours before exam, but it's too addictive! At first I wanted just to read through my notes and the hospital protocol, but when stuff started cropping up and I had to refer to Papa Nelson, then there it all started... :) I guess I'm very set on studying for quenching my thirst for knowledge (cheh... but it's kinda true because I'm very obsessed with finding out what I want to know whether it's very relevant or not to my current situation...), not so much for scoring in exams... on the off set it's pretty silly, but in the long run, I know what's better...
I've tried the conventional way before (which didn't suit me very much, made me miserable...), and yes I score great marks, but several months down the line, I forget them, and when questioned, I realized that I didn't understand the subject asked very well in the first place... because there was never a thirst to know more, never the obsession to find the answers, just knowing the superficial to answer exam questions were good enough for me... and now I'm suffering the consequences of that... so I've learnt my lesson (hopefully not too late...) and that's why I'm very stubborn with my strategy now...
And that makes me blissful! I need that to continue to be sane, because I know my limitations... It's ok if I don't get an A or even a B, because at the end of the day, I'm forced to be honest with myself when I have to care for real patients (just a few more months down the line), when I'm all alone in the district hospital, and have to make a decision that's a matter of life and death. When that time comes, I can't only pray very hard and hope that what time I've invested into my studies will pay off.
Ok, better stop here... need to ZZZzzzZZzz earlier tonight... following my parents for 7.30am mass tomorrow...
Bonne nuit.
The inevitable of life
Last night I went with my sis to a friend's place for memorial prayers for his father who passed away last week after a battle with colon cancer. It's strange that I was prepared for a solemn crowd and less merry-making... but everything was vice-versa... when we reached the house, I could hear laughter and people talking loudly and there were many gestures shared among the clusters or cliques of people aggregating like a high school reunion... Why didn't I expect it? I guess it was the same when my grandma passed away? I think it was because I felt that losing a father at 18 was more traumatic than losing a 88-year-old grandma at 23. Or maybe I'm not just the only one who's stoic to so many passages of life... death, after all is one of the inevitables of life.
When I met Alvin's mum, my reflex was to give her a big bear hug, which she replied by an even bigger bear hug! I was so impressed by the strength the petite lady was exhibiting! Alvin was still no way in sight, so my sis and I proceeded to to the living room of the house where some people (I presumed Christians...) were already assembling in front of an altar holding small prayer books and at the corner of the house, 2 men carrying guitars, waiting for the cue to start strumming...
The rosary prayer and the singing of hymns were beautiful! Then the priest blessed the family and the house... the only strange thing was he said quite an unusual prayer (to me...) about "casting all that is not You from the house...", "keep the house holy..." Maybe I just haven't attended many memorial prayers in my lifetime... I thought the prayers should have been more directed to the soul of the deceased and also for the family... but it seemed that it was more for casting out evil spirits... but anyways, everybody looked happy and relieved (because it was the last night, 7th night) after the prayers and everybody proceeded for a little fellowship (makan)... but my sis and I left before that because she had to rush to a meeting and I had to rush home. But we managed to give Alvin a hug each before leaving. He even had the time to said that he liked my fringe! :) I've not seen him in 2 months I think before this.
Yesterday wasn't a very productive day for me... I apparently spent the whole day revising, but at the end of the day, I only covered 3-4 topics! Because like I mentioned before, medicine is just like that... the more we read, the more would come to light, warranting further reading... so I concentrated more on basics yesterday because I guess that's generally my weakness... the doctors would ask a lot of "high-tech" questions to the students and most can answer, but when it comes to basic physiology, anatomy amd pathophysiology, our weaknesses shine through...
And last night I decided not to continue my revision after coming back from Alvin's place... instead I watched "Double Vision" on AXN and New Detective on Discovery Channel... not bad... especially the New Detective... the theme last night was "Justice favours the innocent"... all 3 cases were examples very late convictions because of lack of evidence, and the breakthrough of forensic technology a decade later finally bringing the perpetrators to justice... DNA, ballistics, blood splatter patterns... amazing! It is moments like this that really inspire me to pursue forensics...
So after this I'll attempt to continue my revision, then later my mum actually asked me to join her and her friends for high-tea at some hotel... I'm still considering... I may want to attend mass this evening... let's see where the tides bring me today... hahah!
To all my collegues, happy studying!
Cheers!
When I met Alvin's mum, my reflex was to give her a big bear hug, which she replied by an even bigger bear hug! I was so impressed by the strength the petite lady was exhibiting! Alvin was still no way in sight, so my sis and I proceeded to to the living room of the house where some people (I presumed Christians...) were already assembling in front of an altar holding small prayer books and at the corner of the house, 2 men carrying guitars, waiting for the cue to start strumming...
The rosary prayer and the singing of hymns were beautiful! Then the priest blessed the family and the house... the only strange thing was he said quite an unusual prayer (to me...) about "casting all that is not You from the house...", "keep the house holy..." Maybe I just haven't attended many memorial prayers in my lifetime... I thought the prayers should have been more directed to the soul of the deceased and also for the family... but it seemed that it was more for casting out evil spirits... but anyways, everybody looked happy and relieved (because it was the last night, 7th night) after the prayers and everybody proceeded for a little fellowship (makan)... but my sis and I left before that because she had to rush to a meeting and I had to rush home. But we managed to give Alvin a hug each before leaving. He even had the time to said that he liked my fringe! :) I've not seen him in 2 months I think before this.
Yesterday wasn't a very productive day for me... I apparently spent the whole day revising, but at the end of the day, I only covered 3-4 topics! Because like I mentioned before, medicine is just like that... the more we read, the more would come to light, warranting further reading... so I concentrated more on basics yesterday because I guess that's generally my weakness... the doctors would ask a lot of "high-tech" questions to the students and most can answer, but when it comes to basic physiology, anatomy amd pathophysiology, our weaknesses shine through...
And last night I decided not to continue my revision after coming back from Alvin's place... instead I watched "Double Vision" on AXN and New Detective on Discovery Channel... not bad... especially the New Detective... the theme last night was "Justice favours the innocent"... all 3 cases were examples very late convictions because of lack of evidence, and the breakthrough of forensic technology a decade later finally bringing the perpetrators to justice... DNA, ballistics, blood splatter patterns... amazing! It is moments like this that really inspire me to pursue forensics...
So after this I'll attempt to continue my revision, then later my mum actually asked me to join her and her friends for high-tea at some hotel... I'm still considering... I may want to attend mass this evening... let's see where the tides bring me today... hahah!
To all my collegues, happy studying!
Cheers!
Thursday, 10 November 2005
From my perspective...
I was telling my family over dinner about my little "struggle" to kick off caffeine. Without even finishing my story, my dad interrupted by saying, "It's all in the head!" and looked disinterested in my story after that and made a face as if I was making a big deal over something that was very simple and starightforward... My sister was worse I think... she immediately said, "You should stop. You shouldn't .... You shouldn't..... You shouldn't..." Then I said that I was trying... I've already successfully tapered down from 6-7 cups to 2 a day now. And it's only been slightly more than 1 week. Then she went on to judge me by saying, "Then you're not ready to stop..." The message behind her statement was that I was just making a big deal about it, and just making excuses for not stopping immediately, or going cold turkey (Hey I tried, and it was disastrous! Unbearable headache!) That coming from a smoker, but I'm not sure of her status... but she's burns one everytime I'm out with her, immediately after we make a first stop after leaving the house. And she would leave anything going on halfway and go out for a "smoke".
It's strange that she could judge me that way... and she knew I was feeling judged... because I told them that if they were to counsel a chain smoker, then he or she won't probably make it because of the stigma of being judged.... then she proceeded to ask me if that what I was feeling and then I replied, "Yeah, kind of..." And she looked very satisfied.
On top of that, she went on and on about the "sin" of drinking coffee at night, that I would cause my immune system to be low because of lack of proper sleep and how I should avoid drinking after 2pm everyday, blah, blah, blah (I know all those, but I'm sure she knew that smoking was harmful to her and worse for her second-hand smokers around her?)... that coming from someone who smokes, chooses to be on diet pills and irregular and insensible diet, very, very late nights out...every night. And she drinks as well...
I really marvel at her "blindness"... but I didn't want to strike her down over dinner... because my parents know she smokes but chose not to talk about it even though they "nag" about it to ME whenever she's not at home... so I didn't want any tension, it's been quite smooth sailing since we came back from the camp.... So I'm giving her that satisfaction or that victory which I don't know what she derived so much satisfaction from... it's really such a small thing...
But luckily I have this blog to vent all my frustration... I can't really talk to someone directly about things like these because it would make them feel uncomfortable or they make it seem that I'm talking bad behind someone... hypocrites! Come on! We talk about people everyday!
But I guess that I'm just stunned and a little dissapointed with my dad for his lack of support, but I can forgive him because he's not well-versed about things like these... he doesn't smoke, drink, etc... no form of addiction that I know about, and he's always making "sweeping" statements about things he doesn't know about, just based on his observation (only occasionally he's right...)... then my sis didn't really surprise me as well because she's been always quite cynical and dare I say arrogant since she's been back from KL... sometimes I just let her talk and talk about some disease or some medical stuff even though I have stuff to add on, but since she usually speaks with such confidence and conviction, I usually keep quiet not to burst her bubble.
Another thing that cropped up was how she could put precedence time and time again, her friends, over her family? When I tell people this, I always get the same answer or response... that it's a phase she's going through... that she would grow out of it. She's grown a lot, but that's one thing that she's not grown out of... then she goes around giving the impression that she's very troubled, suicidal, neglected, etc.? She's never ready to change...
And I guess people don't have the answer to my question/problem, so they just tell me it's a phase...
It's ok, sometimes, it's being able to question something that is more important than to have the answers...
Cheers!
It's strange that she could judge me that way... and she knew I was feeling judged... because I told them that if they were to counsel a chain smoker, then he or she won't probably make it because of the stigma of being judged.... then she proceeded to ask me if that what I was feeling and then I replied, "Yeah, kind of..." And she looked very satisfied.
On top of that, she went on and on about the "sin" of drinking coffee at night, that I would cause my immune system to be low because of lack of proper sleep and how I should avoid drinking after 2pm everyday, blah, blah, blah (I know all those, but I'm sure she knew that smoking was harmful to her and worse for her second-hand smokers around her?)... that coming from someone who smokes, chooses to be on diet pills and irregular and insensible diet, very, very late nights out...every night. And she drinks as well...
I really marvel at her "blindness"... but I didn't want to strike her down over dinner... because my parents know she smokes but chose not to talk about it even though they "nag" about it to ME whenever she's not at home... so I didn't want any tension, it's been quite smooth sailing since we came back from the camp.... So I'm giving her that satisfaction or that victory which I don't know what she derived so much satisfaction from... it's really such a small thing...
But luckily I have this blog to vent all my frustration... I can't really talk to someone directly about things like these because it would make them feel uncomfortable or they make it seem that I'm talking bad behind someone... hypocrites! Come on! We talk about people everyday!
But I guess that I'm just stunned and a little dissapointed with my dad for his lack of support, but I can forgive him because he's not well-versed about things like these... he doesn't smoke, drink, etc... no form of addiction that I know about, and he's always making "sweeping" statements about things he doesn't know about, just based on his observation (only occasionally he's right...)... then my sis didn't really surprise me as well because she's been always quite cynical and dare I say arrogant since she's been back from KL... sometimes I just let her talk and talk about some disease or some medical stuff even though I have stuff to add on, but since she usually speaks with such confidence and conviction, I usually keep quiet not to burst her bubble.
Another thing that cropped up was how she could put precedence time and time again, her friends, over her family? When I tell people this, I always get the same answer or response... that it's a phase she's going through... that she would grow out of it. She's grown a lot, but that's one thing that she's not grown out of... then she goes around giving the impression that she's very troubled, suicidal, neglected, etc.? She's never ready to change...
And I guess people don't have the answer to my question/problem, so they just tell me it's a phase...
It's ok, sometimes, it's being able to question something that is more important than to have the answers...
Cheers!
The power of affirmation
One powerful tool that I learnt from Martin Jalleh was affirmation. Taken in the wrong and unhealthy context, it may strike someone as being needy of other people's approval and being not confident of one self. But realizing it in real life has proven it to be a source of hope and inspiration, a sustaining power for normal, weary people living their unpredictable lives... like Martin said in his reply to my email 2 days ago, "I have to be contented with the lousy feeling of being taken for granted, or I leave a place feeling unsure whether God's Word have been effectively sown...then comes a very affirming message like yours -- its really healing and encouraging! "
How shocking this was coming from a very established and accomplished speaker and motivator, but it just goes to show that we are all the same... we have of high and low moments... and it doesn't hurt to encourage and affirm each other once in a while...
Yesterday I unconsciously did affirmation with a friend. She emailed me because of a bad day and an unpleasant experience with the people around her... so I could feel her frustration and because she was so open with her thoughts and feelings I was compelled to share something that I kept for a long time that was associated with her... it wasn't something very serious but something that I would say scarred me in the sense that I felt I couldn't forgive myself for my pride and selfishness... and she was just the real gem in the whole story, she was able to push whatever feelings she had and made things right, even though she didn't have to... it was an overdue affirmation for my dear friend, so it was the perfect opportunity to affirm her! All because of God's plan! And later she wrote back to me and said that the affirmation made her day, and in return she affirmed me 10-fold, to which I felt so "shy" and definitely undeserving... but of course my heart leapt for joy and for once in a long, long time, I felt true understanding and a great friendship!
That probably also helped a lot in my headache... not pain today... so far only 1 cup, and it's already 2pm, and I'm feeling ok. :) Last night I slept 10.30pm, so that probably contributed to my better disposition today. I didn't go for the Praise meet because I couldn't keep my eyes open... couldn't even stay up for my CSI Miami...
This morning we had a 3-hour bedside teaching with Dr. Hii... I clerked a 3-month-old baby girl who came in for spinal abnormalities and enlarged kidneys... I was sooo glad that on 1st examination I could elicit the ballotable kidney because my other 2 collegues with me couldn't... and later Dr. Hii confirmed my findings! You know, what really made me feel happy wasn't that my findings were accurate... it was because, at first when my 2 friends indicated that they didn't get the same finding, I didn't flinch... instead, I rechecked and stood my stance... I think in the past, I would have been very weary and unsure and may even change my "stand"... so that's really a milestone for me today...
But I also realized that there's still so much more to cover for my exam on Monday and Tuesday, so after this, no nap... straight hit the books... Geryl actually called and asked whether I'm free for a coffee... so that's really a bummer because I would really love to meet up and chit chat with him... nevermind... I'll catch him next week.
Cheers people! Remember, the power of affirmation...
How shocking this was coming from a very established and accomplished speaker and motivator, but it just goes to show that we are all the same... we have of high and low moments... and it doesn't hurt to encourage and affirm each other once in a while...
Yesterday I unconsciously did affirmation with a friend. She emailed me because of a bad day and an unpleasant experience with the people around her... so I could feel her frustration and because she was so open with her thoughts and feelings I was compelled to share something that I kept for a long time that was associated with her... it wasn't something very serious but something that I would say scarred me in the sense that I felt I couldn't forgive myself for my pride and selfishness... and she was just the real gem in the whole story, she was able to push whatever feelings she had and made things right, even though she didn't have to... it was an overdue affirmation for my dear friend, so it was the perfect opportunity to affirm her! All because of God's plan! And later she wrote back to me and said that the affirmation made her day, and in return she affirmed me 10-fold, to which I felt so "shy" and definitely undeserving... but of course my heart leapt for joy and for once in a long, long time, I felt true understanding and a great friendship!
That probably also helped a lot in my headache... not pain today... so far only 1 cup, and it's already 2pm, and I'm feeling ok. :) Last night I slept 10.30pm, so that probably contributed to my better disposition today. I didn't go for the Praise meet because I couldn't keep my eyes open... couldn't even stay up for my CSI Miami...
This morning we had a 3-hour bedside teaching with Dr. Hii... I clerked a 3-month-old baby girl who came in for spinal abnormalities and enlarged kidneys... I was sooo glad that on 1st examination I could elicit the ballotable kidney because my other 2 collegues with me couldn't... and later Dr. Hii confirmed my findings! You know, what really made me feel happy wasn't that my findings were accurate... it was because, at first when my 2 friends indicated that they didn't get the same finding, I didn't flinch... instead, I rechecked and stood my stance... I think in the past, I would have been very weary and unsure and may even change my "stand"... so that's really a milestone for me today...
But I also realized that there's still so much more to cover for my exam on Monday and Tuesday, so after this, no nap... straight hit the books... Geryl actually called and asked whether I'm free for a coffee... so that's really a bummer because I would really love to meet up and chit chat with him... nevermind... I'll catch him next week.
Cheers people! Remember, the power of affirmation...
Wednesday, 9 November 2005
Another friend got hooked!
I didn't want the "high" of the camp just disappear this morning, so I made a point to be happy and before I went off to the hospital, I said a little prayer... and today I believe that it takes so much more that trying to be in a good disposition... it takes so much more faith!
My head was spinning in the morning because I'm still trying to cut down caffeine so I had a quarter of a what I usually have, then when we were about to start bedside teaching with Dr. Ng, I tried my hardest to treat my colleagues like fellow adults... I had to give them a few instructions by Dr. Ng for our 2-hour bedside... then Adeline (as usual always acting autonomously) ran off somewhere... then I asked if anyone wanted to present any long case... no one wanted to... so I told Dr. Ng who then gave further instruction for us to look for as many short cases as possible in all the 4 paediatric wards... when we all got back Adeline suddenly said she wanted to present a long case, to Dr. Ng's amazement... "I thought your leader said you guys didn't want to present any long cases..." "They didn't ask me..." she replied...
In my nicest possible way, I answered, "It's because you didn't even have the courtesy to listen to my announcement and questions (in my head, I was thinking I should "kena" her in the next posting and make her group leader!)... did you expect me to run around chasing you? You were the only one who ran off when I had something to tell the group..." In my mind I was thinking later that if she had wanted to present her "very interesting" case (according to her) she should have announced it to the group before the bedside began or at least informed me, like during other bedsides... she clerked the case last night with the intention to present it anyways! But I kept my cool...
I also realized how hard is it for a drug addict to kick off their habits! I knew going cold turkey was a really bad strategy for me... remember the last couple of days at camp? So I figured I'll cut down to 1 or 2 cups... but I think it's not really working as well... I usually have 6-7 cups, so maybe cutting down to 1 or 2 is too drastic? I have this naggy headache, yawning marathon, irritability???
I guess the highlight of my day, despite the really, really bad withdrawal symptoms would be getting a reply from Martin! He again came in at the perfect time! My messenger of hope, as I called him in camp.
Then feeling much better, I made my way back to the wards in the afternoon to have my one and only supervisor meeting with 3 of my other colleagues... Dr. Ng was really nice... he gave quite a good continuous assessment mark, so that would really help... then I intended to walk back home from the hospital, but it was only 3pm and the sun was still blazing, so I thought better against it because I didn't bring my umbrella and didn't want another PMLE.
So now I'm contemplating whether I want to join the praise meet tonight... my heart yearns for it, but my mind says that I should stay back and study, study, study! But logically staying home tonight to study won't make a whole lot of difference, really... it's just that uneasiness or guilt of not studying that would really bug me... anyways, I think I better pray about it.
Then I heard great news from Jo just an hour ago! Our long-time friend, Ben Foo has gotten hooked last Saturday! Congratulations Ben! Wonder when I get to meet his wife? She's from West Malaysia I heard. Heard they are coming back to Kuching end of this month.
The headache's back... need to go... cheers!
My head was spinning in the morning because I'm still trying to cut down caffeine so I had a quarter of a what I usually have, then when we were about to start bedside teaching with Dr. Ng, I tried my hardest to treat my colleagues like fellow adults... I had to give them a few instructions by Dr. Ng for our 2-hour bedside... then Adeline (as usual always acting autonomously) ran off somewhere... then I asked if anyone wanted to present any long case... no one wanted to... so I told Dr. Ng who then gave further instruction for us to look for as many short cases as possible in all the 4 paediatric wards... when we all got back Adeline suddenly said she wanted to present a long case, to Dr. Ng's amazement... "I thought your leader said you guys didn't want to present any long cases..." "They didn't ask me..." she replied...
In my nicest possible way, I answered, "It's because you didn't even have the courtesy to listen to my announcement and questions (in my head, I was thinking I should "kena" her in the next posting and make her group leader!)... did you expect me to run around chasing you? You were the only one who ran off when I had something to tell the group..." In my mind I was thinking later that if she had wanted to present her "very interesting" case (according to her) she should have announced it to the group before the bedside began or at least informed me, like during other bedsides... she clerked the case last night with the intention to present it anyways! But I kept my cool...
I also realized how hard is it for a drug addict to kick off their habits! I knew going cold turkey was a really bad strategy for me... remember the last couple of days at camp? So I figured I'll cut down to 1 or 2 cups... but I think it's not really working as well... I usually have 6-7 cups, so maybe cutting down to 1 or 2 is too drastic? I have this naggy headache, yawning marathon, irritability???
I guess the highlight of my day, despite the really, really bad withdrawal symptoms would be getting a reply from Martin! He again came in at the perfect time! My messenger of hope, as I called him in camp.
Then feeling much better, I made my way back to the wards in the afternoon to have my one and only supervisor meeting with 3 of my other colleagues... Dr. Ng was really nice... he gave quite a good continuous assessment mark, so that would really help... then I intended to walk back home from the hospital, but it was only 3pm and the sun was still blazing, so I thought better against it because I didn't bring my umbrella and didn't want another PMLE.
So now I'm contemplating whether I want to join the praise meet tonight... my heart yearns for it, but my mind says that I should stay back and study, study, study! But logically staying home tonight to study won't make a whole lot of difference, really... it's just that uneasiness or guilt of not studying that would really bug me... anyways, I think I better pray about it.
Then I heard great news from Jo just an hour ago! Our long-time friend, Ben Foo has gotten hooked last Saturday! Congratulations Ben! Wonder when I get to meet his wife? She's from West Malaysia I heard. Heard they are coming back to Kuching end of this month.
The headache's back... need to go... cheers!
Starting to feel the pressure...
Not really a productive day today... woke up 8.30am and thought that I wanted to dedicate the whole day to studying... didn't even finish the chapter on fluid therapy... but it was a very big topic and lots and lots of boring physiology. Then I fell asleep 3-5pm... AARRGGHHH!
Just got home from a postmortem meeting about the camp... it was a bit slow moving because we were letting everyone pour their hearts about how they felt during the whole camp... I guess it's ok, but because I had to make it to the wards early tomorrow morning (actually in about 6 hours time), so that's why I'm feeling the urgency to get to the order of the business...
And now I'm feeling the pressure of exam... I'm actually keeping myself cool about it because I know whatever time that I've put into my 10 weeks of paediatric posting should pay off... it would be bummer if nothing came out of it... I'm keeping faith... I don't believe that this 1 week of struggle would make a whole lot of difference if I didn't put any effort into my past 10 weeks. But I really need to pray!
The group's organizing a Christmas party next month... sounds interesting, but felt bad that I have to decline the coordinator role because I really don't know what Medicine posting would hold for me next in 2 weeks time... but I would really love to be part of the organizing team.
I sent Martin a rather long testimonial this morning... took me only about 20mins to write it, because I couldn't concentrate on my revision if I didn't take the time to sit down and write it to him... I was that compelled...
So I hope tomorrow would be more productive day... I need to buck up on my revision regime...
Cheers!
Just got home from a postmortem meeting about the camp... it was a bit slow moving because we were letting everyone pour their hearts about how they felt during the whole camp... I guess it's ok, but because I had to make it to the wards early tomorrow morning (actually in about 6 hours time), so that's why I'm feeling the urgency to get to the order of the business...
And now I'm feeling the pressure of exam... I'm actually keeping myself cool about it because I know whatever time that I've put into my 10 weeks of paediatric posting should pay off... it would be bummer if nothing came out of it... I'm keeping faith... I don't believe that this 1 week of struggle would make a whole lot of difference if I didn't put any effort into my past 10 weeks. But I really need to pray!
The group's organizing a Christmas party next month... sounds interesting, but felt bad that I have to decline the coordinator role because I really don't know what Medicine posting would hold for me next in 2 weeks time... but I would really love to be part of the organizing team.
I sent Martin a rather long testimonial this morning... took me only about 20mins to write it, because I couldn't concentrate on my revision if I didn't take the time to sit down and write it to him... I was that compelled...
So I hope tomorrow would be more productive day... I need to buck up on my revision regime...
Cheers!
Monday, 7 November 2005
My horoscope today...
How ironic that my Aquarius horoscope today sounds like this:
Spirit and soul may seem out of balance today. A part of you may be longing to break from society and live a more spiritual life, but worldly responsibilities and attachment to your current lifestyle might get in your way. These things don't happen overnight, dear Aquarius. You have to let them develop in their own way, in their own time. Right now the keyword is finding balance between the spiritual and the material.
Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com
I'm back!
I wanted to update my blog this morning, but my headache from 2 days ago (after a body-rolling game in camp) was still persisting... and it didn't occur to me that it could actually be caused by my lack of caffeine during the 4-day camp... I didn't bring my own Nescafe... we had lightly-brewed local coffee everyday... so this morning the headache was still quite bad that I forgot my usual cup of coffee... went through the whole day feeling rather grouchy, but still hyped from the camp... then after dinner it occured to me that I haven't had a cup of Nescafe since Thursday! Amazing! So I quickly made a cup, so now I'm headache-free! Thank God! In the background my mum was nagging that I'm a drug addict! Heheh... but who cares... that my headache is gone. :)
Ok, now about the camp... it's hard to narrate a fully saturated 4 days... so I'm just going to highlight what strucked me the most during the camp:
Ok, now about the camp... it's hard to narrate a fully saturated 4 days... so I'm just going to highlight what strucked me the most during the camp:
- It's amazing that a church camp would attract so many participants, 100+. The committee initially intended a 80-participant camp, but eventually they just accepted whoever wanted to join, so it's very encouraging to see that church activities are still "in" with the youngsters nowadays...
- The speaker/motivator, Martin Jalleh was provocative and very open and realistic in his approach in sharing his ideas and preaching. He talked so openly about the church, young people, self-discovery and awareness, boy-girl relationship and sex and marriage. He was so direct that some campers gave their feedbacks that they were uncomfortable and told him off that some issues were not supposed to be discussed openly... so he gently responded to all that in his Q&A session... I thought eventually the campers warmed up to him and asked very highly intelligent and insightful questions (even for their ages!) I was very surprised... I think I was not even that "aware" when I was their age.
- Martin was also extremely hillarious! I thought that made him a hit with the campers... I find myself drawn to his jokes and life stories (which he related in very humourous ways) and of course his observation of people. He's a combination of Phua Chu Kang + Mr. Bean + Tom Hanks (in Forrest Gump) + Peter Falk (in Colombo)!
- Initially I didn't really like him because he started off by saying, "I didn't know you Sarawakians..." and "I didn't know that in Sarawak, people...." But I realized that's what he does... he travels to many different places on weekly basis for the past 30 years and he's able to tell the differences even the most subtle. I wish I have his "eyes"... he's able even to now what somebody is doing without looking at the person.... he's always noticing some girl or boy in the crowd that looked lost or was unhappy... all those come with great experience...
- I noticed that certain people rised to the occasion... particularly those in the working committee... there were a few people that I now realized that I've judged prematurely... they really showed their true capabilities and talents during the camp... so for them I thank God!
- The campers (especially the girls) were soooo (direct translation from Hokkien) thin-skinned, spoilt, sensitive.... I was awoken several times in the middle of the night for some very minor cuts and abrasions... some even woke me up because they thought their blisters were serious (only 0.5cm in diameter)... and some knocked their arms against the table and wondered why it hurt!!! I had to carry the First Aid around most of the time... then quite a few of them came down with fever, so I took their temperature, made them drink some Milo and take Paracetamol 500mg and ask them about themselves and send them to bed... :) so easy.... and the next morning, they come and thank me.... I realized that all that sick people really want was some TLC! :)
- But the most horrifying experience came on the last day (Thank God!) from a 16-year girl with poorly controlled asthma, who didn't indicate in her form that she was asthmatic, and brought the wrong inhaler!!! I was truly worried that day when she started to become breathless during one of the talks and she suddenly became pale and she was wheezing very loudly... luckily the girl sitting next to her had the sense to run out of the room to look for me... I immediately went to her and found that she was having a real attack.... her pulse rate 120bpm and her respiratory rate 60cpm! Her extremities were cold... on top of her wheezing, when I put my ears near her chest wall, I could easily hear rhonchi! When I heard that she didn't bring the correct inhaler, I asked Olivia (my assistant... she's a trained nurse at Normah) to find the known asthmatic in the camp to get hold of her Salbutamol inhaler.... so we made the girl take one puff and 3 mins later she recovered... but before that, right after her puff, she actually collapsed because she didn't have enough oxygen to her brain during the attack.... before I brought her back to her room and asked her housemates to look out for her, I sort of gave her a piece of my mind for her irresponsibility... but in less than 1-min she poured her heart out to me.... she said that she didn't want to "burden" anybody with her condition, that her mum always said that she was "burden" to her because of her asthma, she even told me that the night before her attack, she had felt breathless middle of the night... so she had to crawl from her bed to her bag on the floor to get her inhaler (which was the wrong one anyway)... I almost fainted when I heard her story! So I arranged for her to go come back to Kuching in one of the cars (with Olivia) together with another girl who had motion sickness (she became nauseous one the way to Siar)... on the way back, she had another attack, but luckily she was holding on to the Salbutamol inhaler, so Olivia made her take 2 puffs... by the time she reached Kuching, and by the time I heard their little misadventure, she's already recovered fully... Before we all parted, the girl (who had the asthma attacks) came to give me a big hug and thanked me... I just told her to promise to take care of herself and that she wasn't a burden... as for the inhaler, the committee decided that we keep it in our First Aid Kit and we pay the cost of the inhaler to the girl we got hold of it from...
- On a personal level, I gained one thing... I gained some form of reassurance from God. I realized now I was never alone... that I did the right thing in all those critical moments in my life... and that it was because He was with me that I could make those decisions... and now with that realization I shouldn't feel any regrets or doubts or allowed myself to feel ridiculed by whatever decisions I made... and that my guts to be different then has helped me to be what I am today.... Thank you Jesus!
- I also realized that I have to make some changes in my life now... and some decisions have to be made about who I really am, what I really want out of life and how I want to serve... those are tough issues, and I hope I can make them at the right time...
- Remember Philip? My longest ever crush! At least 5 years?! His 2 younger siblings were at the camp! Darren (Form 4) and Julia (Form 3)... and for some reasons, I took a special interest in them, particularly Darren because we stayed in the same lodging house (I had to stay in the Longhouse with 25 boys because I had guard duty so easier for me to leave the house 3am or 4am... and I didn't want to squeeze in the room with 4 or 5 big-sized girls like me that was meant for 3 normal-sized people) He was very much like his brother... very quiet and reserved and quite a loner.... so I constantly made small conversations with him, trying to find out why he was soooo shy... but he was more smiley than Philip... and he answered all my questions (unlike Philip if I remembered correctly, Philip was naughtier and could be nasty if provoked... haha!). Julia was normal, very pretty, mixing well with her girlfriends, and even with some of the boys... so I'm glad that she's normal. She's also very aware that her brother was very shy, so I noticed that she occasionally sat with her brother or went over to talk to him, or invited him to join her in games. Julia was also very sporting and active in all the singings and dancing, unlike poor Darren who looked like he had mind-body dissociation! Haha! But anyways, it's great seeing them! I asked Darren to send my regards to Philip when he sees him. :) Oh ya, I even asked Darren whether Philip already had a girlfriend!!! Muahahahaha!!!
- Overall, I had a blast at the camp! I would do it over and over again, despite the lack of sleep, my caffeine withdrawal state, 100+ school boys and girls driving the facilitators nutts with some of their antics! I would say that I couldn't really relate to the campers as much as the other facilitators... I guess I'm not a naturally friendly person, or that I'm not as warm and loving, so I'm trying... one of the things I want to change...
I think I better stop here for now... I was supposed to resume studying tonight... :)
Cheers!
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