I'm on my own

Tomorrow I'll begin my medicine posting, reputedly the most stressful and "difficult" posting of the 4 postings in final year. My feelings are mixed... insecurity would top them all, followed by little sense of regret and maybe some irritation, for whatever reason, it's sketchy even to me... The inevitable prospect of the posting tomorrow have made me a little depressed these couple of days actually, that's why I didn't really have the mood for replying emails and even updating my blog, and I wanted to clean and refurbish my room, that didn't take off.

Last night my galfriends organized a ladies' night out... enjoyed their company, but because they are ALL my coursemates, they didn't exactly ameliorate my unsettled feelings about my coming posting... I guess the only consolation was that I felt I wasn't alone... they each had their issues too...

My decision to stay clear of the faculty and any news associated with the faculty after my exam last Tuesday turned out to be quite disastrous. I cannot even begin to relate everything so I'll just leave it at that...

The issue now is whether I want to be self-sufficient or work for a "group" that doesn't recognize itself as a group... it's sickening...

So I guess everything is very clear... I'm on my own... no relying on other people and make sure I don't bother about other people as well... my focus would be my patients and I... all my other "group" members can go to hell. From my obeservation of what's going on for the past 6 months, self-sufficiency is the key... no point to invest anything else...

I'm feeling much better already even though I would consider this less than ideal for the start to anything... just hope it doesn't affect my Christmas... that would be a bummer... I would say that's one of the things that is keeping me going at the moment...

And of course my new tattoo! I love it sooo much! :)

It's quite hard to breathe at the moment, but I'm composed... yay maybe I should practise my breathing techniques for caroling... the one that Ben (our conductor/instructor) taught us last Friday. He's a really gifted musician and teacher... so I'm getting a dose of singing lesson, something I've always wanted to do! So that's a great thing.

He even asked me help him look up about the mechanics of the diaphragm for him, so he can explain the breathing thingy better... so I'll just to that... timely too, now that I'm doing medicine... high time to revise a little on respiratory physiology.

My caroling practices are on Mondays and Fridays... so that's not too bad... the only thing is that the actual Christmas week when we all get to sing would be Week 6 and Week 7 of my medicine posting... wonder how that would be like, the scheldule I mean...

Anyways, I didn't make it to mass with my parents 7.30am this morning... so I'm going o my own this evening... looking forward to that, want a bit more time on my own to collect myself for tomorrow...

Cheers people!