Holiday

Christmas came and quickly passed. One week at home flew by, another week to indulge as much as I can. I feel rested and overly well-fed, and enjoying increasingly everyday the joys of sleeping in. My new year resolutions in a bit.

My other half

My heart is leaping with joy! 5 FREAKING more days to flying home! Miss dad and mum, Pheobe and home. So insanely happy that I'm like a machine, running crazily all over the place during my busy calls quite in a pleasant or rather emotionless demeanor. Not my sour-face, unfriendly front I usually put up during crazy busy calls to prevent people from interrupting me. I'll be having my last call on Thursday. Yipee. *squeak* ;P The only thing, yes, the only thing is, I feel intermittent waves of strong emotions everytime I think about Mr V. Yes, Mr V again. He is unknowingly making it very hard for me to forget him. Everytime I'm angry with him or upset with him about work, and he realizes it, he would 'make it up' by talking so nicely and tenderly to me, making sure he stands near me, touching me, encouraging me, calming my sometimes short-temper outbursts, being just the sane and level-headed half. But the fact is, he is NOT my half.

Weaning period

8 more days to go before I finish with Surgery and move on. I can't wait. I just went through a hell of a weekend with 3 consecutive bad EOD calls. And I'm EODing again this weekend starting tomorrow. But it's ok because it's going to be my last. Hopefully after this I'll appreciate my "free" time more. I used to complain like nobody's business when I was too free when I was in JPL. Ungrateful kan? :)

My weaning off process if successful so far. It's only difficult when he gives me a certain look, a look on a face that I can't hate, and I can't stay pissed at for long, even when I try very hard to.

The elusive milestone

I'm the most pathetic and silly girl alive. I just had to feel all depressed when Mr. V mentioned something about his daughter. I was commenting about a mother's account about how her 11-month-old son climbed up to a stove and caused a pot of boiling water to splash all over her back. How can a 11-month-old child who can barely walk managed to climb up a height to a stove? Using his upper body strength? A 11-month-old child? Maybe children nowadays skip several milestones at a time. Anyways Mr. V immediately responded by saying, "My daughter can do that too!". He said it with a twinkle in his eyes and with such pride. I think he interpreted my reaction as he was boasting and immediately said, "Actually more like reaching out and grabbing things". He thought I thought he was just being the kiasu father or something. What he didn't know that I was so sad and hurt to the core of my being that I'll never share that joy with him.

Tragedy

Truth be told is that I closed my blog because I was not discreet enough about Mr. V in the past. Me and my big mouth. That was back then some 2 years ago, but things like this follow one a lifetime. And now that I'm working with him, it would be highly inappropriate and may create a stir. So until I'm sure that I'm thousands of miles away from him, and no longer professionally affiliated with him, or when I'm ready to come out of my shell and profess my devotion to him when I'm old and grey, only then, and then only, I'll open this silly blog of mine for everyone to read. And maybe then only I'll read it or a random sympathizer who would enjoy a tragic love story. Yes, a tragedy.

Another lifetime

I'm ashamed to admit that I'm more tormented about "leaving" Mr. V when I leave the department before Christmas. Even more so than being tormented by the dragon boss, for which I can't wait to leave as soon as possible. Yes, my hatred for that sorry old man has escalated over the weeks. So I keep telling myself, "3 more weeks, 3 more weeks... just hang in there...".

But how about Mr. V?

This, however is interjected rudely by self-pity and a very severe heartache. Self-pity because I always have this feeling that I always love a man that I can never love, so to so that I'm having bad thoughts like hoping something disastrous would happen to Mr. V's marriage or his wife, giving me a chance to be with him, because I would be a more understanding partner, much more than her. Severe heartache because he's so good to me and I can't respond. He is always asking whether I'm ok with such concern, always making body contact with me during ward rounds, not in a sexual way, just with gentleness and fierce protectiveness.

I dread that I have to go through that most horrible "weaning off" phase for the second time. I remembered that not too long ago, about 2 years, I was in the same position, so so tormented, and so so vulnerable. But I managed to pull through, so I'm hoping that I would be successful second time around.

I wish we had met in another lifetime, so we could fall in love and be together.

I wish.

Emotion check

I've decided that from this moment onwards, my blog would be for my eyes only. I always thought that I was open enough to share my life with anyone at all who would read my blog, perfect strangers, and more daring, with people I know like my family and friends. But I'm ashamed sometimes to show my weaknesses and my struggles. I feel like a failure when I cannot control my emotion, when I feel so affected by something. I guess I know I am human to have all sorts of insecurities, it is just that I am not ready to share so much.

OMG tearjerker

@ Yahoo! Video

Breakaway

Spotted the proboscis monkeys during my trip to Sukau on Sunday. It was a beautiful and picturesque river. It was the perfect breeze, the perfect chilliness, the perfect pleasant and unpleasant passing odour. It was the perfect quietness and the indeed the perfect solitude despite sharing the boat with 5 others. Spotted also the long-tail macaques and pig-tail macaques.



The 2-hour lazy-paced boat ride made me think happy thoughts and relive my happy moments in life. It rejuvenated me and helped calm my tormented and unsettled soul. My spirit soared as a white-belly eagle flew above us.


After such an exhilarating experience, it was not unsurprising that I felt so lazy to wake up and drag my 2 feet to work this morning. Oh how I am dreading work nowadays.

Bad week

I had quite a horrific week at work. My boss was in his bad mood the whole week, jumping at all of us. And my calls were terrible. Stupid referrals and patients dying on me.

My big boss refused to believe me that a trauma patient had flail chest because he could not see the flail segment. That was because patient was on positive-pressure ventilation. And because the fractures were not clearly seen on the radiographs, he said the patient did not have flail chest and asked me to change my diagnosis. And he refused to see my video captured on my handphone just because he claimed that it was not taken from an angle showing both sides of the chest symmetrically. I was so hurt with the blatant mistrust. But I didn't change my diagnosis and continued to manage him as a patient with flail chest. My colleagues saw the video and agreed with me that patient had flail chest and subsequent repeat chest radiographs showed rib fractures over my "alleged" flail segment. I'm glad I did not change my diagnosis because I know what I saw with MY OWN EYES, for goodness sake. But I just went own with my work, and I didn't show the old man the subsequent films that showed the fractures. It was enough for me to know that I was right. The worse part was that my colleagues did not stand up for me eventhough they saw the flail segment and chose to remain silent. Maybe they knew the old man's ways enough to just not be bothered with him too much.

Then there was a 72-year-old woman who was just recently discharged well from our ward after an anterior resection for colorectal cancer. She presented during my call with acute renal failure needing dialysis on the same day. She gave me a history of hematuria (blood in the urine) for one-week which lead me to a working diagnosis of urolithiasis with obstructive uropathy causing the hematuria and renal failure. So medical took over her for dialysis and she came back after a week to our surgical ward. During our grand ward round on Friday, my boss got the history of vaginal discharge with blood from the patient's daughter instead and proceeded to do a speculum examination. The patient indeed had foul-smelling vaginal discharge. He proceeded to the working diagnosis that patient had a pelvic collection causing the vaginal discharge and started scolding me for missing that history and ordered for an ultrasound scan for the patient. He gave a long lecture regarding proper history-taking. I was thinking hard how the pelvic collection became vaginal discharge and caused the renal failure. The following day, my colleague who did the ultrasound abdomen reported that he did not find any pelvic collection, but he found multiple renal stones instead! Muahahaha! The old man just glared at my colleague and proceeded to the next bed.

Then my call on Thursday was a nightmare. I was looking forward to my free weekend going into that call but the demise of a 33-year-old lady with septic shock and severe diabetic ketoacidosis will forever haunt me. She was referred to surgery for a back abscess and during admission her blood sugar was sky high and her vitals showed that she was septic. For some reason that was missed during her admission and she was left acidotic for 12hours and finally she deteriorated needing intubation. She was ventilated in the ward during my call, so my colleague passed over her case to me. She was so ill that she asystoled several hours post-intubation. I resuscitated her and did CPR for a record 1hr, but I could not save her. Her 5 young children were wailing and crying outside the curtain while we were resuscitating her. And when I finally gave up on her heart, I squatted at her bedside where her lifeless body laid, angry at the inadequate care she received, angry that I could not save her and frustrated because I did not know how to tell her husband and 5 children outside the curtain. I composed myself and pulled open the curtain slowly and looked for the husband. When we made eye contact, he just knew, and he broke down.

After that incident, I was so shaken that I could not sleep and I had several bouts of breathlessness. The following post-call working day, I felt numb and I couldn't keep my food down. And I had the worst headache in my life. And when I related the incident to my only confidant of a colleague, I was close to tears but I just had to hold it back and move on, because I had other patients depending on me. Luckily my parents called me that evening and just hearing their voices made me feel better. I went home that evening, took a quick shower and collapsed on the bed. Now the headache is gone, but the heartache is still palpable.

Smile

I noticed that I've not been smiling. It's easier to not smile actually. And I know that I have a stern face. So I have been wearing surgical mask in the ward. It's my way to have a little privacy when my life (which is my work) revolves around people; patients and their irritating relatives.

But tomorrow I want to smile and evoke that pleasant feeling that we all have inside, so that I'll enjoy my work more. Wish me luck.

Child's play

This 40yo man suffered a heart attack and was treated with streptokinase. 2 hours after the treatment, he was referred to me in the middle of the night with sudden drop of GCS. Urgent CT brain showed a massive left intraventricular bleed. OMG poor guy. The heart attack would have killed him but the treatment killed him instead. Intracranial bleed is a known side effect of streptokinase. No surgery could be done for him because of the streptokinase which was a huge risk of bleeding intraoperatively and because of the recent cardiac event. Basically he was sentenced to death. He asystoled twice and revived and hung on until the following day, when he expired in the ICU.

I'm counting down to my holiday 20 DECEMBER 2008. I'm just so tired of the continuous work and stressors at the moment. I'm now looking forward to my transfer to the Casualty Department in January 2009. After a lot of soul-searching, I've decided that I want to make the move and get on with my life. I've done the old-fashion tabulation of "pros" and "cons" of moving to the Casualty Department.

Cons
1) I'll miss ward work terribly, something that I'm actually quite good at
2) I'll definitely miss being oncall and attending to emergency surgical cases
3) I'll miss Mr. V and my colleagues whom I've grown fond of
4) I have to work shifts in Casualty department :( I prefer office hours and fixed oncalls

Pros
1) I'll get to do more postmortems!
2) It's been my intention from the start to get emergency department experience for my "back-up" future plan if my forensic aspiration doesn't work out
3) No more pesky relatives to deal with! (This is the bit I hate the most working in the wards)
4) I'll be able to take leave before CNY 2009 for a trip to Hong Kong with my housemate!
5) No need to work under Dragon King anymore haha and with my collegues who have blind loyalty (I love them but...)

So with my child's play tabulation of "pros" and "cons", I've decided my future for the next 6 months at least. :) I'm happy, so now I'll officially stop my stress-induced binging spree for the past 3 days with my low-fat marble chess cake from 7-Heaven. Yummy.

My first real-time flail chest. Coolness. Not cool for the poor man, I know.

My first blog award

Thank you for this award, jojo of mojo. My first ever blog award of any kind. It's very cute. :) Good thing that you liked my photos, my source of entertainment during my long hours at work.

And now to perpetuate the spirit of the award:

1. Post the award on your blog.
2. Link me for giving it to you.
3. Link the originating post here.
4. Pass the award on to five more deserving people.
5. Post these rules for your recipients.

I would love award this to:

• BREN
• jemima
• nemesis-on-fire
• phatelara
• karen eva

Baby eats coin

One of the lighter moments of my work in the surgical outpatient. A 1-year-old boy who swallowed a coin. Child is bright and active. Our scopes are out of commision at the moment, so my boss said to wait it out. "He won't die" he said briefly after just glancing at the film. "If we have our scopes, we could attempt to take it out." The baby was laughing and flapping his hands. Oh well.

Every bipolar

I'm feeling down today. Must be that phase of my bipolarity. Or maybe because I'm oncall, but I love to work. Maybe because I'm disappointed with the people around me, but I've known better like since forever. Maybe because I'm lonely, but I've been lonelier. Maybe because I'm cutting down on my caffeine, but I don't have other withdrawal symptoms. No, no, it must be that phase of my bipolarity.

Telupid 2nd time around

The medical camp at Telupid this time around was well-organized and very efficient. We saw about 500 patients on the first day but didn't feel the load at all. The second session the following morning was a slower day, only about 150 patients. The medical team consisted of a pediatrician, ENT surgeon, opthalmologist, dermatologist, gynecologist and 5 GPs and medical officers. So the screening part was pretty easy. Ear complaint, ENT referral. Some menstrual complaints, gyne referral. Sexually active ladies, PAP smear and breast exams. I received referrals as well (haha!) just because I was the sole representative of the general hospital in Sandakan, the nearest referral hospital to Telupid, especially all the surgical cases! All I did was provide them with our clinic timing and op days, and usual elective op waiting time. :) I even had to reduce a 3rd degree hemorrhoid of an 81yo man on a dirty mattress on the floor. Luckily I stashed a few pairs of gloves from the hospital before the camp. :) Overall, I felt the vilagers in Telupid were healthy and way, way better off than villagers in Pensiangan and Paitan. Most of the ladies have yearly PAP smears, many men on regular follow-up for hypertension at the nearest clinic. I seriously did not see a single case of scabies during this camp, only a few by my colleagues. BIG suprise. When I was in Paitan, almost all the children had scabies.

A limb for a fish

This man who can't speak Malay, English or anything local Sabahan but claimed he was a Bajau (a local ethnic group here in Sabah) came to the casualty with his right leg missing. "Sorry ma'am, no English" he said in a very thick Tagalog accent. Duh. Anyways, he claimed (2nd hand story from the paramedics who grilled him about the event that cost him his leg) that 3 barrels of oil exploded below his house when a neighbour's children were playing with fire nearby. He and his friend were near the house when the explosion occured. He lost his leg and his friend had a very big laceration wound also on his leg with shrapnels embedded in his flesh. No one else was apparently injured in the "explosion"). STUPID LIE. How can he only suffer a missing leg with no other injuries on his body and his friend too a local wound on his leg with such a huge explosion? I think they were "fishing" with dynamites. Whatever. "Mana kaki kau?" I asked. I heard a paramedic across the resuscitation hall mumbled, "Sudah dimakan ikan".


I'm going for a medical camp in Telupid this weekend! I'm so excited. I need to break this continuous work mode and get out. I usually don't enjoy meeting new people that much, especially when I have to meet people in my field outside working hours. It's intrusive of my personal time. But I'm so impressed by the commitment of the organizing leader of this very massive outreach programme that I'm actually very eager to meet this very old and wise surgeon again. He was also the organizing chairman for another camp 2 years back which I had the priviledge to be a part of. Will be leaving Sandakan 5am on Saturday and back late Sunday evening. Because I'm actually traveling from Sandakan, I only have to spend one night at the camp site. The main group will be traveling from KK, starting their journey around 3pm on Friday, so they have to stay an extra night before the actual programme in Telupid.


Thinking back about the whole MOs and department placement thingy, it's funny that the whole situation is complicated only by the MOs. As MOs, our job is to serve and interest 2nd priority. Another MO who wants my place in the surgical department was trying to "psycho" me yesterday. She was asking whether I really wanted to pursue surgery, and that she would have a big pair of shoes to fill when we swap department in January, how I've become my surgeon's pet, how all the staff in the ward loves to be oncall with me because despite how busy the calls get, I'm the most calm and collected, and I never get crossed with the nurses, how thorough my reviews are, etc. I know she wants to pursue surgery, I know that and that's the main reason why I'm not going to protest this swap that the hospital director decided. I would feel very guilty if I consciously prevent another colleague from being in the field he or she wants to pursue. I would sacrifice that eventhough I really want to stay put for many reasons, just because I know she wants to do surgery and I don't.


"Do you want to leave?" my specialist asked me during a hemicolectomy after I told him the news. "I don't know really what I want to do, so I can't say whether I want or not want to leave." I didn't want to say "yes" outright because I wanted to stay but I know I shouldn't. And I didn't want to say "no" outright because I felt that if I did, he would intervene on my behalf, which I didn't want. So I'm going to just leave everything to fate, OMG, and see where I'll be in 2 months time. Wherever that it, I'll go on. I'll be alright. I just pray that I'll be happy and useful and learning.

Wishful thinking

Having a complicated mind is difficult enough. Couple that with an unsettled heart and an antagonistic gut feeling. Blend that together and what do one get? Bouts of depression, fear, uncertainty and heartache.

I tell you wishful thinking is a powerful thing.

I wasn't feeling very happy for the past couple of weeks because of the fatigue and continuous work. I was also being hypersensitive, subconsciously rebelious just because, and generally bitchy just because.

So last night I couldn't sleep and was thinking very intently of changing certain aspects of my current situation, the most drastic was changing department. Just thinking very intently. Didn't make any solid plans.

Then this morning, around 8am, doing my daily ward round with the team, the hospital director just dropped a bombshell on me. She said I would be transfered to the Casualty Department in January!

I must have looked a shade paler or something because my colleague C, quickly patted me on my back and consoled me with what he must assumed was a bad news.

I was shocked because I wished it and it happened!

All that is amazing but the problem now is that I'm very sad that I have to leave the department. My complicated mind tells me that it's the right thing to do to move on, to pursue what I want to do, to give other MOs a chance to be in the department they want, and to be rid of one of stressors in my life at the moment. But my unsettled heart is trying to keep me in the department. I've come to be comfortable with the people and work, and despite the battery, I've learnt to enjoy the experience.

My gut instinct wants me to plunge. To take risks.

I don't know what I want. It's my own fault for my dilemma now.

Uterus, oncall and stupid people fighting over ciggies

It is days like today that I hate having a uterus. I'm oncall again and I'm bleeding torrentially. Good thing I'm not having bad cramps just on and off colicky discomfort. Luckily weather has been cool with light showers for the past 2 weeks. That makes my general demeanor borderline pleasant.

After my wonderful pair of Clarks was stolen from the hospital operation theatre changing room, my brown Hush Puppies pair has finally broken down on me. 2 nights ago during my call, a very busy one, halfway running between the 3rd and 5th floor attending to 2 trauma patients, my Hush Puppies sandals literally fell apart simultaneously. As the cases were emergencies and no time to attend to my shoes, I just grabbed a strip of the broadest elastoplast and tapped my battered sandals together and continued running furiously to prepare an assaulted thallasemic with hypersplenism suspected of intraabdominal bleed for an emergency laparatomy. Turned out the spleen was lacerated. Spleen removed. 2+1. Then on the 5th floor, a 16yo girl who was hit by a 3-tonne lorry I suspected internal bleeding as well because of the bruising on her abdomen. Bedside scan nothing. Proceeded with urgent CT, nothing. Lucky girl.

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My entry was interrupted by a referral. A 24yo man assaulted with a parang over his head. A HUGE, DEEP laceration wound with active bleeders. It is so messed up I can't find the bleeder in casualty and had to just pack it up. He's now waiting for OT call for a proper inspection and toilet and suturing in OT under general anesthesia. His Hb dropped from 11.8 to 7.3 in a couple of hours. And guess what the altercation was about... CIGARETTES! Yes fucking ciggies. I told you people here are stupid. He's illegal immigrant by the way. This is the thing here everyday. All these illegals fighting messing each other up and coming to the hospital using up our resources. Sigh. I just do my job as a health care provider, but personally, I'm very pissed off with their recklessness.

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Post-publish:

Intra-op of the idiot who got slashed by a parang over an argument about ciggies. A 5mm layer of his skull was incised with his scalp. My first.

The tumour that gave me peace

I purposely volunteered to assist in an anterior resection in OT today, eventhough I knew it would take HOURS (actually it took about 7 hours) just to escape the ward for a while after quite a horrific call. I was so sleepy and tired retracting the obese abdomen of a 70+ lady with a low rectal tumour (see picture above). Just wanted to be rid of the ward for a couple of hours. I only had about 2 hours of interrupted sleep last night. On my feet from 7am to 8pm, then had a quick shower and dinner then it was non-stop again. Upper gastrointestinal hemorrhage, followed by a 81yo man with a painful and throbbing abdominal artery aneurysm, followed by a cerebral concussion at 1am, followed by an obstructed hernia at 3am, then just when I thought I could rest finally at 4am, another referral from Casualty for a man who fell from height of 10 feet with cerebral concussion at 5am. The man said he fell because he saw a "benda halus". Ghost la. So what? Still have to watch your steps. By the time I was done, it was the next working day, and I had to start my morning rounds at 7am. So can you blame me for trying to escape the ward? It's quite nice the little peace and quiet.

Ranting

My enthusiasm just died off this morning when I had admission after admission non-stop. On top of a stupid ward round. Felt like a houseman again. Doing brainless work. Hardly any quality control. The worse bit is that I worry that I might miss some things that can be catastrophic. And I can feel my temper getting, literally, shorter and shorter. I was disturbed that my specialist asked me to get an 'urgent' CT brain today for a patient who's been the ward for 4 months just because he wanted to make further plans for him tomorrow. It's not urgent at all. That patient had been DNRed in the past before, and is the chief of the 'vegetable patch' in the ward. How inconsiderate for me actually, all alone during a public holiday call with all these extra seriously non-urgent things. And it would put me on the radiologist black list. needless to say I didn't manage to get around it because after that I had admissions after admissions. Ran around like a headless chicken. And have to still keep my cool with patients' family members who would come and ask me the same questions batch after batch just because they couldn't coordinate and select one spokesperson to get the latest development. They couldn't be bothered, it's easier to bug the poor doctor because she's NOT busy.

Ouch

Ouch, but sorry I don't feel sorry for this guy at all. Driver of a vehicle in an accident that killed one and injured several others. His left leg was amputated the following morning. Sorry but I don't feel sorry for him. He can still drive with his right foot. Damn.

My breast cancer talk went ok today. Glad it's over. Now I can go back to routine. I'm oncall tomorrow which happens to be Deepavali, a public holiday here in Sabah. Strangely feeling happy.

Continuation of the story about the policeman with pancreatitis (pls refer last entry)

I'm back. I had to drop everything yesterday because I forgot I had a facial appointment until my handphone alarm rang 15mins before the time. Phew I reached there on time. Because I have an OCD with punctuality. Next time I'll put the alarm 1 hour earlier. The 15mins was the default setting of the phone.

Anyways, so I told the patient and his wife that I would speak to the boss regarding their transfer request and explored why they couldn't wait for a few more days. The patient himself said that he wanted to be with his family. The wife said that she wanted her husband to be under "specialist" care.

OMG. How ignorant. My boss is the most super senior consultant in Sabah, who scanned the SOB patient. How insulting. I imagine if he's in the hospital in KK, he would probably not get as better care there compared to Sandakan. He would have had a hard time getting an ICU bed, let alone 4days observation in the ICU! And I doubt the consultant there would have scanned him personally.

But of course I didn't say all that. I graciously explained to them that they are receiving the best care for his condition under two, not one specialist, and assure them that if they were in KK, it would have been the same.

Shit I'm the mediator now. I have to accomodate the patient and his wife's request for transfer that morning (it was already 9.30am, and I have to go to OT) and I was battling with myself whether to tell my boss what the patient's wife told me.

So I stupidly just told my boss that patient insisted on transfering that morning itself and would leave irregardless whether we let them or not (without telling him what the wife has told me) and that he was still running a high temperature. He said unfortunately we were understaffed that week and couldn't spare the escorting doctor and nurse for a transfer that morning itself, so if they insisted, then they have to be discharged at their own risk (AOR).

When I got back to the patient, he was flanked by his wife and relatives, and 3 uniform with lots of bling on their shoulders. Wow. Not. They were ready to leave. So I communicated what my boss had said and patient was AOR discharged.

THE PROBLEM IS NOW... 2 weeks later, they made a complain against us. And though I was not named in the complain, I have to make the most explaining because I AOR discharged him. And my boss was unhappy because he said my documentation of the whole incident was inadequate.

I agree.

How would I know that the patient would lodge a complain? I really can't spare the time documentating EVERY single conversation. So now it's their words against ours.

And now my other colleagues who took care of him in the ICU are telling me that he actually requested to be transfered many days earlier, even while he was in the ICU, which was not made known to me by my colleagues, nor the patient. So now I feel that I'm getting all the blame just because he was transfered out to my ward that morning. Sucky.

Anyways. the matter is not resolved yet.

"People".

Real life

I am so tired this week. The preparation for my breast cancer awareness public forum tomorrow has been quite stressful. I resented it even up to this morning when I had to wake up early and drive over to the hospital for a rehearsal with my boss. For me, the public forum would be just a simple educational thing, something fun and something out of my very mundane and routine life in Sandakan. I was hoping that I would feel the rush of standing in front of a crowd but talking about something that I see everyday in my work, which would not be a very big deal. But for my boss, who's a dinosaur super consultant, I have a very important work, I'm the ambassador for the hospital, I'm the learned one, the one with the most influential role, which are all true. The week-long process was eye-opening. I'm glad however I finally see the wisdom of the whole process even before the actual event. But I can't give credit all to myself for the perspicacious moment of realization. It's hugely because of the constant reassurance and sharing of opinion by my 2 colleagues, C and J, that helped me through this week.

Another dose of reality this week. 2 weeks ago, there was a police officer who was admitted to my ward for acute severe pancreatitis, but on the same day of admission he was transfered to the ICU, where he was observed for 4 days. Once he was transfered out to the general ward (my ward), the problem began. He was still having a temperature and on IV antibiotic, but physically he was getting better. The morning he was transfered out, he requested to be transfered to KK Hospital (which required flying with doctor's escort) the next day so that he could be with his family. Because of the resources involved, the non-urgent nature of his condition and for the reason that he was improving, we couldn't accomodate him, and convinced him that if he waited it out for a few more days, he could be discharged well and travel back to KK on his own. The patient agreed. But later that day, when I was busy in the morning general clinic which stretched to afternoon FNAC clinic, I was called several times in the clinic, which interrupted my work, from the ward sister that patient requested to be transfered anyways, after all the explaining on my part. So I asked the sister to inform the patient that I'll see what I can do the following morning. I couldn't just drop everything in the clinic and run back to the ward to settle this "non-urgent" thing. There were so many patients waiting. *sigh* The following morning, I spoke to the patient again. This time his wife was with him. He was still running a temperature. This time, patient was silent and his domineering wife took over the "negotiation". She insisted her husband to be transfered that morning. They were leaving irregardless we let them or not.

To be continued...

Not fair

OMG. Just came out of OT. Assisted in a laparatomy and splenectomy. A stupid guy got into a high-velocity car vs. car head on collision this evening, resulting in polytrauma. He was driver of the vehicle. Maybe drinking. Spleen laceration, maxillary fracture, left hip dislocation, left tibia open fracture with near amputation of the left foot and a right closed femur fracture. And survived to drive recklessly again for another day. Life is NOt fair.

"People"

What happened today didn’t help with my natural “resentment” for people. I know, I know. How can I be a doctor and not like people? The fact is, I can. I have the ability to separate my sentiments from my professionalism in my job. I am sure many in my field are the same too.
My old pair of shoes were stolen from the so-called “secure” changing room of the operation theatre in the hospital. The changing room had a security code locking system only accessible to the doctors and medical staff. I have no doubt that it was stolen by a hospital staff.
I just feel very frustrated because after working so hard for “people” to the point of self-neglect, this is what I get. I know it’s a little silly to generalize the whole incident, but I’m only human, and I have every right to be prejudice.
I called the OT sister and even the hospital director just to let them know that their staff were thieves. I was not surprised to be informed that I was not the 1st victim. They promised an investigation, but seriously, I’m not hopeful.
The fuss I’m making is not about that old pair of shoes obviously, but really about “people”.

That wonderful few seconds of anoxia

That’s why I love an evening swim. I slept so well last night after a brief swim immediately after work around 7pm. Dreamless, no dry airconditioner on, in my birthday suit … and I woke up feeling perky and motivated to make ammends for my lascklustre day yesterday. The other thing is that my muscles feel more relaxed and supple, and there’s a calmness in my general demeanor and mannerism. Another swim this evening, here I come.

Cutting Department

My progress is rather slow in the surgical department. I’m into my 4th month and I’ve not done a single appendectomy. I’ve assisted in a few but just have not done any yet. I’m getting this feeling that I’m not learning the proper techniques from my colleagues who have their own individual “styles” that didn’t seem so fluid or clean to me. Haha. So I’m not feeling confident just yet. But I vow that by the end of this year, I would have perform my first full unassisted appendectomy. Tomorrow is elective surgery day, and there’s a man scheduled for excision of lipomatosis. So I’ve sort of “booked” him. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish my ward work in time for the case.
I’m supposed to give a public talk on breast cancer awareness this coming weekend. I was initially quite excited and pumped for the event until today when I showed my slides to my boss. I realized just how not nurturing he was. And he subconsciously enjoys being antagonistic and illogically critical towards everything. I’ve noticed this trait of his for quite a while in his interaction with my colleagues, but today I get to experience it myself. Oh well, wet blanket, whatever. Now I have a chore this weekend. Just want to get it over with. Remind me in the future not to agree for any more public health talks. It’s too stressful to prepare and just not worth the anguish, because it’s never ever going to be good enough for my boss. I just hope the public would learn a little something though.

I spent my postcall Saturday morning writing this email to the Pos Malaysia Customer Service Centre to complain about my most frustrating experience with Pos Laju (SANDAKAN BRANCH), in diarrhea mode:

To the Management,

I am infuriated with Pos Laju (Sandakan Branch) who have systematically mishandled my mail and insulted me:

1. My mail (EN 140461768 MY) was sent from Kuching on 14 OCTOBER 2008, and apparently arrived in Sandakan Pos Laju Branch the following day, 15 OCTOBER 2008. But for some reason, my mail was marked "Tidak dikenali 15/10" and chucked in the office until today, 18 OCTOBER 2008 when I personally had to go to the branch to trace my mail. No attempts on the Sandakan Branch to contact me or the sender despite our active mobile numbers PRINTED clearly on the envelope.


2. Out of desperation not knowing the fate of my mail, I located the Sandakan Pos Office number on the Pos Malaysia website (089-201501) and called to get help around 10.45AM on Saturday 18 OCTOBER 2008. From there, I was directed to 3 different numbers in succession. When I could not get the help I needed (I could hear the staff's voice who was suppose to be handling my pos laju mail asking her colleague to direct me to her line but she did not pick up the phone when I called), I called 089-201501 again only to be cut short and dismissed rudely. Subsequent attempts were futile because no one was picking up the phone. (Later when I was at the Branch, the staff were having a hari raya "makan-makan" in the office)


3. So I resorted to calling the Customer Service Centre, who promptly located and confirmed that my mail was already in Sandakan Branch since 15 OCTOBER 2008.


4. With that information, I made my way to the office, only again to be "entertained" by another imbecile:

• When I said I was there to trace my mail he asked very rudely, "Kamu dapat call kah?", and when I said "No", he was so quick to answer back "Jadi?", giving me the impression that he was irritated that I was there to trace my mail when they have not called.


• "Besarkah parcel kamu?" "Bila hantar?" "Kamu beri address betulkah?" Asking me all these stupid questions before cross checking my mail referrence no.He did not bother to write down my mail reference no. when I gave it to him, asking me to repeat it again when he apparently forgot.


• He dismised my IC when I attempted to pass it to him for positive identification. But he asked me to repeat my address multiple times (apparently for positive identification when he found my mail), which I found very insulting. Anyone can recite an address, but he dismissed my IC. STUPID.


• Fortunately he realized the mistake on the branch side when I showed him a Pos Ekspres envelope with the exact address use for my mentioned pos laju mail. But unfortunately for him and his stupidity, he did not acknowledge the mistake and apologize to me. Instead, he started questioning the staff around him and trying to figure out the name of the postman on duty on the day of delivery. Like I care. Because of his unprofesionalism, hence this very lengthy complaint.

My issues:

1. Mishandling of my mail
2. Unprofessional and below average intelligent staff handling my mail and my enquiry to tracing my mail

I demand a letter of apology from Pos Laju Sandakan Branch in a week's time, as promised by the Customer Service Centre, or else I will pursue my complaint and take necessary litigation measures. I am very frustrated because we pay for your lousy service. Be assured that after this is settled, if ever, I will never personally use your service again and I will advise family and friends the same. That I can personally assure will materialize.

NO THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOUSY SERVICE.

Sharon Chin

18 OCTOBER 2008.

Emotional Infidelity

How can I not feel like he is my soulmate? My kindred spirit? For more than a year I went on with life cold turkey without him. Out of sight, and out of touch. Torture. The worst kind. But I was so strong and so successful. But fate diabolically brought us together again and my sanity is tested and battered over and over again. The closeness that I feel with him, and the vulnerability that I want to plunge into whenever I’m with him. How he talks about his life, his family, his wife… how he shares his feelings with me. It just makes me melt inside and want to open up and share my feelings too and hug him. It makes me happy and euphoric. But I can’t, and I won’t because he is married. But everytime I’m alone at home thinking about him at his home with his wife and family, I feel guilty and sinful because of our emotional connection. It is emotional infidelity?

A time of change

That starts with a bang. Literally. Hehe. I got myself a fringe, to battle the balding spot at my parting.

Then I've made a another big decision. I've decided to stay put in the surgical department. Why? Many reasons, but suffice to say that it's better for my learning experience, as a doctor in general, and as a transition before I decide what I really want to pursue. I really feel bad for the staff in the casualty who had prematurely extended their welcome to me the last couple of weeks. Haha.

Then my housemate and I have started the ball rolling on our backpacking trip to Europe next year! Well, actually just Benelux-France for our first. She's also planning a Hong Kong-Macau trip but that's KIV for me because of my work situation. It's a little difficult to apply for leave for me. So I am now 5K poorer because of the flight tickets which we purchased online this morning. But both of us are so excited!

And I'm planning a trip home to Kuching for Christmas! Excited to see my "new" house after the little renovation my parents did the past couple of weeks.

So whenever I'm feeling blue or down or when my left toe hurts, I just shift my thoughts and focus on my plans and all that I have to thank God for. Abundant.

Wa tan beehoon

The other spot I frequent during my calls. The hospital canteen. Their good food (esp. Wa tan beehoon, tom yam mee) offsets their poor service. I hope the next 12 hours of my call will be as uneventful as the past 12 hours. Only 1 referral so far. A stab wound victim who alleged that he was attacked by several unknown men, for no apparent reason in the pasar ramadhan during the breaking of fast hour. Not even an apparent robbery. But then, everybody lies (according to House). 3 jagged stab wounds on his back, but luckily superficial when I probed the wounds one by one with a swab stick. X-rays ok. So I sent him home with some oral meds after T&S.

Oncall, my painful left toe, necropsy & Paris

It's 1.20am, I'm oncall and I can't sleep after seeing a stupid referral in casualty. Stupid because it's not a surgical case but I saw the patient anyway because I couldn't trust the referring doctor. Call me bias but I couldn't trust him because of his very thick middle-eastern accent and because he couldn't speak BM very well. Sorry. How to get a proper history from patients? Not feeling great these 2 days. A bit stressed out, I know because my left toe is painful again. The pain always come when I'm in stressful circumstances. It's not because of work, just all the decisions I have to make pertaining to my future. 2 days ago I had a shot of being an actual CSI/coroner when I assisted a visiting forensic specialist in a case. We went to the scene of the alleged crime and took pictures and reconstructed the possible chain of events before proceeding to the actual necropsy. Soooo fun! That was the highlight of my week I guess. Thank God my housemate will be back from Paris tonight. I really so envy her courage to just pack a few stuff and travel all the way to Paris from Sandakan without elaborate planning, all by herself, just for the fun of it. I should do that too next year. I've exhausted my leave for this year, saving my last for Christmas.

What every doctor should have

I'm oncall today. Quite a few admissions, none critically ill so far, touch wood. I pass my 'drought' period during my calls going online on my E71. Coolness. Whatever information is literally at my fingertips. Gone are the days of carrying not-so-very light pocketbooks, which are limited to the discipline of the book. With the internet, I have unlimited info. But I wish I can have Dr. Soo's Sarawak Book of Emergencies in my E71. That would complete me as a MO.

Nice day

Had an enjoyable day running errands. Sent my neglected car for servicing and wash, mini spring cleaning in the apartment and some self-pampering. :) Even had a bowl of my fav seafood soup at this famous local spot. Sorry forgot the actual food pictures because my meal was interrupted by a chinese uncle who was recently admitted for irreducible hernia. He was so excited to see me and was surprised I was there all by myself so he thought he sat with me and told me all about the eatery. He owns a shop next to it. He also paid for my lunch. I guess it was a good thing that this uncle sort of intruded my planned peaceful lunch because for the 1st time in many months that I'm in Sandakan, I thought the local people, particularly the chinese, were quite ok.

Bearer of bad news

Breaking bad news is probably one of the worst part of the job. Yesterday the team had to tell a 40-year-old man that he had colon cancer that had invaded his bladder. Unfortunately he was eating when we got around to his bed. I saw his face turned a shade paler and he was weakly pushing his food around his container after everything was said. After that just one cubicle away, I had to tell the family of an illegal immigrant who presented with severe head injury with craniectomy done, but post-surgery he was slipping away, so the team decided that we couldn't do any much more for him. So basically I had to tell the family that we had given up on him. So no escalation of medicines, no inotropes and, no resuscitation. So we are hoping he dies soon, so his suffering would end soon, so that his relatives' anguish would be over too, so that no infection starts in the ward from him, so that we could prepare his bed for the next patient.

My day is bright and sunny eventhough grey clouds loom over the main area of the hospital, a sinister sign of yet another day of impending lighting and thunder and brief downpour this evening. Didn't wake up feeling extremely chirpy because of my rather busy call. A little tired. So wasn't a great start to the morning. No. But my day is bright and sunny with fluffy cotton candy clouds because I'm so happy that Federer was victorious early this morning! I can't stop smiling and beaming. :)

Oncall & toiletry bag, but my heart is at Flushing Meadows

My oncall equipment since my internship. :) Especially my trusty ol toiletry bag. We go way back to my 4th year in medical school. It has since been everywhere with me. I got a new one couple of months back so briefly I left the old one in Kuching, but after 3 months apart, I knew we were meant together. So now the new bag is stuffed away in the closet in my house in Kuching, and my dear ol friend with me everyday, never again to be parted again from me. I promise. A colleague is sick so I'm oncall today. So will be missing the US Open men's singles final between Federer and brit Andy Murray who looks super sharp on court. But I'm Federer's most loyal fan. No question about that. ;)

Weekend & Decisions

Spent my weekend hydrating myself, arranging my wardrobe, doing laundry, ironing, facial and hair treatment. It was bliss. It's strange that I'm always coming upon crossroads in my career every few months. After 2 months in Surgery, I've finally received my transfer to the Casualty Department, but my Surgeon asked me to stay another month to help out, so I'll only cross over in October. Initially I regretted that I agreed to stay after 2secs of saying "ok" but now I don't know if I really want to leave because I've become very comfortable. And now I realize that with the new year looming in, I remember my plan early this year to start applying for my attachment in forensic in KL. My target is actually a transfer by the 2nd quarter of 2009, so by right I have to start applying before end of this year. So it's a non-stop process of moving on, trying new things, avoiding to be complacent. Decisions, decisions.

Chaos

Chaos is the order of the day. An intestinal obstruction, a head injury with intracranial bleed, few abscesses, an irreducible hernia and a couple appencitis. I'm so glad I'm 1st line. It's fun making diagnoses and making plans. But standing in the OT for hours and hours, I can't imagine. Of all the disciplines in Medicine, surgeons have the worst life. The appealing thing for me about surgery is the decisiveness of the plan of management. Tumour=chop, bleeder=tie or burn, obstruction=relieve, pus=drain. Do or die. Life should be that simple.

Anger management

The carnival has been in town for about a week, but after just one weekend, this is the atmosphere at opening time yesterday. People in Sandakan are not cool enough for a carnival. Though I enjoy my work here, I'm very sure I'll not miss Sandakan when I have to relocate again. It's a shabby and neglected town and her people equally shabby. Ever since I got back from my Induksi, I've promised myself to learn to manage my anger and impatience more especially in my work, and some of the tips I got from the internet regarding self-anger management has been surprisingly very simple and useful.

Babies are rather durable

My first. A baby with an indented skull. His mum tripped while carrying him and squashed him on a concrete floor. Thank God for a child's malleable skull. Child is fine, except for the ashtray on his head.

Mobile blogging

This is cool. I can now blog on the go. The picture is of the bed in the surgical MO oncall room in the hospital, my 2nd home. :)

From my album: Kundasang, Sabah

I may not be very politically savvy and because of that labeled unpatriotic by some, but one thing I'm sure is that I'm very grateful to have a beautiful country, peaceful one most of the time, eventhough her people are unsettled and ungrateful, greedy and selfish. Another thing I'm sure is that eventhough I'm politically unsavvy, and labeled unpatriotic by some, I know what I can do for my beautiful country to make her a better place to live in. Happy 51st Birthday Malaysia!

From my album: With my darling Pheobe. Dad & mum informed that she's put on weight. She's now 16kg! Goodness!

There is a brown male mongrel who lives in a squatter house at the back road from my apartment to the hospital. I take that back road to work every morning at around 6.30-6.45am. Without fail every morning except if it's raining or if I'm a little earlier or a little late, that brown mongrel would crouch low in an ambush position to jump to the level of the driver's side window of ANY passing vehicle in front of his house. I am not spared from the rather denerving experience every morning, not because I'm afraid of the rather big canine, but rather worried that I might run him over. So one morning I was driving quite closely behind a 4WD passing the brown mongrel's house, and expectedly he jumped high enough to the level of the 4WD's driver side window and barking crazily as he jumped. I swear I could see the expression on his face as soon as the whole motion ended. He was having fun! Cheap thrill! He wasn't intending to attack or anything of that sort. He was just having his daily dose of excitement. I couldn't believe that dog! So the following morning, I slowed down my car as I approached his house, and again expectedly he was crouching in an ambush position at his mark, waiting for my car to pass him. But then I suddenly stopped my car in front of him, me looking face-to-face at the Hound of Bakersville. I swear all I saw was a huge question mark on top of his head, and his long tail between his legs when he realised that I uncovered his "secret".

From my album: With Miko, my neighbour's cat, who visits me very often. He loves to hang out with me and sleeps on my couch until his mum calls for him from the apartment 1 floor below. Dad took these snapshots of us on his webcam.

I'm so happy to be home in Kuching for a couple of days. It was a last minute arrangement but whatever, the outcome is a couple of blissful days of home and mum's cooking. :). Happy to be with my family and of course, to see my Pheobe again, who just 10weeks ago before I left Kuching on my last trip sustained a spinal injury that rendered her paraplegic. It's really a miracle to see her running and able to control her bowel and bladder again, and most importantly, to see her wag her tail again.

I was more heartbroken than anything else in the world this morning when I received a text from my dad during my morning ward round with the team that Federer lost his 6th consecutive Wimbledon crown to Nadal. In a 5-setter some more. :( Even more devastating than my bad call. The call that caused me not to be able to watch this year's epic finals. The call that was so busy that I didn't get even a moment of sleep. The call that 2 patients died during my watch. The call that the day after was also a bad day. How can fate be so cruel to Federer? The grace and class of tennis, lost to the power and brute force of the game, that had become so dear to me?

From my album: Taken in Sibu, the night scene of Ku Tien Garden from across a lake.

I'm enjoying working in the hospital again. It's surreal that I get what I want so quickly. But the early mornings, long hours and emergencies have slapped me silly on the face to the reality. It was a little overwhelming being the newest member of the all-male surgical team on my 1st two days of work, and I have to admit for a transient moment, I felt a pang of regret for the transfer. But when I started getting referrals and given more opportunities and encouragement from the team, I felt like I was getting my "groove" back. It is true that experience, and entrapment (haha) make one a better (meaning having more common sense) doctor.

From my album: One of my happiest moments. I was speaking to a crowded auditorium about the autopsy findings of suppurative brain abscess in a 30-year-old man. Taken during my 4th year of med school in my faculty auditorium.

I'm driving my new housemate mad! Haha! I made her figure out one of my favourite fruit in the world. I asked, "What fruit is bigger than an apple, very juicy but not crunchy with thick skin, and has cultural symbolism?" We were having a heated debate about it in the restaurant over dinner. She finally guessed it after we got home 2 hours later, by method of exclusion. So slow. :D We went for another movie after work! Yesterday we thoroughly enjoyed Kungfu Panda, but a little disappointed with Indiana Jones today. But we decided that it was a must to watch for old time sake. :) I thought Harrison Ford didn't age as gracefully as Sean Connery or George Clooney. :)

From my album: Slimy but yummy "sayur midin". To celebrate my love for veggies and colours! Taken at Kuching's Petanak Market.

This weekend is special. A turn-over weekend. A new chapter of my life. My transfer is through, so am starting work in the surgical department on Tuesday! I went for a little tour with a future colleague last night and felt a little nervous because I've not been in the wards for 5 months, but nevertheless very excited at the new prospect. Am starting tagging for 2 weeks, will be missing Wimbledon then, boohoo. And then I have a new apartment mate. Was wrangling with the internet router cables this morning so that both of us can be online. And to celebrate our "renewed" collaboration (we were housemates during internship in KK), we binged on Japanese and cheesecake for dinner last night! I have so much to thank God for you know, besides the obvious. Have a great weekend everyone!

From my album: Always looking for an interesting subject for my lenses, spotted this scruffy but rather elegant-looking dog from the backseat of my moving car, back home in Kuching.

The aircond is back in the clinic, not surprisingly just in time for state medical director's visit. A new man for the post, but such a dull and unimpressive character. Wanted to ask him about their policy on posting new MOs in the district. Why did they choose to post us in the exact places that we didn't apply for in spite the fact that those places are in dire need of MOs, and, on top of that, they posted other MOs who didn't want to be at those places we want? And, if they didn't intend to bother to entertain our application, why did we have to fill in so many application forms? I'm being querulous making this issue a big deal, but SO WHAT? I've reached this stage in my working life that I don't give a damn about the admin or its policies. I'm just concerned about my vocation, my patients and my experiences. How can I be wrong if I'm doing my work well without having to play dirty or worse, "kipas buntut". I'll do anything to maximise the fun and the learning experience. So I'm bitching just for fun. Hehe. Will be bitching about little things some more next time. It's fun not to be coherent. :D

From my album: This was the makeshift "shower" place that we used during one of the medical camps in the interior of Sabah. One can't feel more naked, exposed and vulnerable than showering in the middle of the wilderness, sheltered only by an "alang-alang" orange canvas. :)

The aircond in the clinic has been busted for the past 2 days, so work has been terribly uncomfortable, now more so with the flu season. Children coughing into my face, and their sweaty chests giving the sticky feel on the diaphragm of my stethoscope as I auscultate them. And strangely there has been more patients hanging around the clinic these 2 days than others despite the humidity, and the crying and wailing of the babies and toddlers echo in harmony in the halls of the maternal and child clinic. But really the worst thing is that I'm all cooped in the clinic, at my desk for hours. So I really looked forward to my evening swims.

It's not surprising that I'm hooked onto Miami Ink and Tattoo Wars. :) Yeah, I know I'm a bit slow to join the bandwagon. Haha. Now I'm itching to get another piece, maybe a coloured one? I know my initial idea was to keep the theme of all my tattoos (both present and future) black in the native motives, but now that I'm more "exposed" I'm so impressed by the vibrant coloured pieces and even the shaded ones. If only I could get a piece done by Chris Nunez... I made a pretty interesting observation while watching the show. The part where customers would come into the studio and one of the artists would ask the customer, "How can I help you today?" is so like how I would would greet and approach my patients in the clinics! So funny! And the way they would intently listen to the customers... so uncanny! I'm going to embark on a journey of "discovering" my next piece.

I was watching ER just now. Saw the episode where Lizzie gave an overdosage of magnesium sulphate to a patient because she read the label wrongly as 5 instead of 50, after working 36hours straight. The patient went into cardiac arrest. Gave me an adrenaline rush watching that 40-sec scene. :) Call me an adrenaline junkie or a sadist but I wished I was there resuscitating the patient! And yesterday afternoon, I spent 6-suppose-to-be-boring-hours-in-locum reading my wrinkled ABC of Major Trauma book from med school, covering primary survey to head injuries to burns. And my hours just flew by! I'm anticipating my inevitable transfer to the hospital! My transfer has been approved! And I'm so excited! Hard work and lots of heartaches ahead, but I'm psychoing myself to face what I think would be much worse than my internship. Some people questioned my sanity for ditching my comfortable postion in the clinics and for going through the messy process of admin work for the transfer, but I just tell them that if I don't take the opportunity now and make that change in my current situation that I'm rotting away in, I might not be able to forgive myself next time. I want to dedicate this post to Bren who's been so open about her internal struggles with her job.

Happy Father's Day!

Spent the whole day listening to a HIV/AIDS update in the hospital today. It was pretty heavy especially when it got to the drugs and the management of the opportunistic infections in a HIV patient, but I was very engaged with all the sessions and was strangely very excited especially during case discussions. I could feel my thoughts racing through my mind. Ideas after ideas, and stuff from medical school. Haha. But I felt that above every detail that the ID specialist presented today, all he really wanted to emphasize was that HIV/AIDS is a treatable disease, and that no patients should suffer or die from it. Just shifting my own mindset from AIDS being a death sentence to it being a treatable disease completely change how I would approach future patients.

I had the heaviest lunch ever, period, today. Mun Foo was down from Telupid attending a course in Sandakan so I brought him for a scrumptious seafood lunch. Needless to say both of us felt so lazy postprandial because of the excess load. And also because of the non-stop chatter in our extended 2-hour meal. The last time we saw each other was 5 months ago after we parted in Ortho posting to go for our respective district posting. But it was so enjoyable and because I do miss chit-chatting with a familiar face. I went for a swim later in the evening with the delusion that I would be able to burn off lunch. :) By next weekend I would have another familiar face with me here in Sandakan. My old housemate from KK will be transfered here, and she has accepted my offer to share my apartment. It was a no brainer because I'm comfortable with her. She had been an "uneventful" housemate. This weekend I would be completely occupied, thank God. I'll be attending a HIV update course the whole day tomorrow, then on Sunday I'll be trying out horse-riding! There's a ranch a couple of miles away from my place that is run by an Australian lady and her daughter. I met her last weekend at the yacht club and she was telling me about her animals in the ranch and also about her giving riding lessons. I'll just have a visit first on Sunday and see whether I'm comfortable with the horses. Can't help thinking of Christopher Reeve.