Low-life form

Was supposed to take a nap just now on my fav couch (which happens to be in front of the TV)... then my dad was watching the NGEO (National Geographic) Channel 52.... "Elephant Rage" was showing... and when I saw how a man used a hooked piece of metal tied to a a piece of wood to work as a handle, and hit the elephant on his/her forehead repeatedly to apparently make him/her do something and saw how the elephant winced and shedded tears, I felt so infuriated and naive at the same time!

And as I held my breath watching the rest of the documentary, my reasoning was getting haywired (by general selfish human standards)...

"Why should they culled the elephants because their numbers were getting too big for the area? When it's the villagers fault for impinging into their forest? Who are they to play God? Why don't they cull the villagers instead?"

"Why should they kill a whole herd of elephants just because they killed just 1 farmer?"

"Why are they so shocked with the killing rampage of the elephants? I thought they deserved it, after what they have done to them?"

"Why don't they think that 1 elephant life = 1 human life?"

My sentiment was of disgust and arespect for MY species... and I was so naive to be sooo shocked and so disturbed when I saw the documentary.... haven't I live long enough or haven't I seen enough to expect this from humans? Greedy, cruel, selfish humans...

I'm really so naive... I didn't cry like usual when I see animals in distress just now... I'm stronger now...

Whatever the makers of that documentary intended to achieve making the documentary, they sure achieved at least my renewed distrust and disgust for people....

God, please help me...

How can I be a doctor if I don't like people? It's really sickening.... I'm really fucked up...

I can just go on and wake up tomorrow morning and pretend nothing has happened, and go on like that because "what to do?"... typical...

What to do? There's no such thing as utopia.... only us and a stinky life...

Let's see what's keeping me going at the moment... Harrison's, my cup of coffee, caroling, Christmas, my tattoo.... that's all.

Is there anything to like about people?

I'm just not sure anymore...