This is my way of hoping and praying that somehow the DVD of "The Usual Suspects" would just drop on my laps soon... hehe...
Tuesday, 31 January 2006
Maybe I'm just pushing it... :)
This is my way of hoping and praying that somehow the DVD of "The Usual Suspects" would just drop on my laps soon... hehe...
I feel brand new!
I sort of had some degree of initial insomnia last night because of all the sugary food I was eating before bed, and of course because of all that's unfolding in my life right now. But for the first time in 2-3 months, my sleep was undisturbed throughout the night... no more nightmares (that leaves me waking up in the middle of the night like some with Paroxysmal Nocturnal Dypsnoea, and the whole day after wondering what's going wrong in my life at that moment.... and yes, they are definitely nightmares because I don't have amnesia after... I could remember the details quite vividly)... No more palpitations, no more thoughts of having a new life, a new identity.
Yes, I would say that's it's been quite bad for the last couple of months, but all are preparing me for what more daunting ahead in a couple of months time.
And today I feel like brand new!
Cheers!
Yes, I would say that's it's been quite bad for the last couple of months, but all are preparing me for what more daunting ahead in a couple of months time.
And today I feel like brand new!
Cheers!
Philip Chin
The adventure continues...
I thought my little Geryl bring-along this afternoon to Jo's place and little meet-up with Linus (the celebrity, aiks) would be a great idea... but I couldn't help feeling a bit disturbed with Geryl ending up very quiet and looking very uncomfortable... I felt that I've put him through quite an ordeal, but he assured me after that he was fine about it... I thought he would hit it off at least with Linus, who's suppose to be the chatter, the ice-breaker...
So very sorry Geryl! But enjoyed your company today, though you loooked a bit fazed... I only saw that spirit and sparkle in your eyes towards the end of our coffee-session when we were talking on and on about movies and stuff, which I was so enlightened! Now I'm desperately trying to get hold of Usual Suspects. :) Wish me luck!
Just for the rest of you, I'm looking for the DVD of the movie, "Usual Suspects" starring Kevin Spacey! *SCREAM*
I've forgotten about it the other time when it was highly recommended by MY Dr. Teh. :) Tomorrow I'm going DVD-hunting! But maybe most shops would not be opened yet.
OK. Now for the latest milestone in my life!
Philip Chin (the "love" of my life... in inverted commas because it's literally abstract) is finally out of my system! I've finally got to talk with him, be in the same breathing space with him for once, without feeling uncomfortable (and without him feeling overly uncomfortable too, which was the impression I've always got from him)... Linus arranged that I pick him up from his place on the way to visit Linus' place... I did most of the talking anyways...
Refer to my blog post of 13 January 2006, when I was talking about Philip... I even told Linus that I dreamt about him recently and thought that it was a sign that I would be meeting him soon... and what do you know?! When you wish something hard enough, it may just come true. :) I'm still feeling a bit dazed now.
He's sooo different now. I mean he still looks cute to me, maybe a little daddy-looking, more buffed up and all, not so skinny and scrawny, a biker I heard... but still talks funny, wearing kind of funny clothes, more assertive I would say.... and he's got tattoos! Lots of them! I almost died just now when he showed them off to me and Linus. They were not very pretty, but he had like easily 6 huge ones all over his body. It's amazing because I remembered that he said body-piercing was disgusting... any body-modifying stuffs were disgusting.... and now look at him.... senseless, haphazard, permanent tattoos all over.
People do change, a lot. And I was listening to him telling Linus that he's always been interested in body art.
And he was asking me in the car why I was still in contact with Linus... is it because he's a celebrity? I almost fainted too with that question. I was't offended, just wondering why he was having that line of thinking... but then I remembered Linus saying that Philip was also one of those who had been keeping in touch with him. And he was so defensive of Linus when I insulted him... I mean I know Linus would appreciate brutal honesty, and that's why there's no tapis-tapis business in my business.
Anyways, it's what I've been praying for. I need to move on. I need to dispel that fantasy I had been having of Philip all these donkey years. He's just a normal guy after all... not the god that I've fashioned him to be in my own mind. He's just Philip Chin, who's touched my life and helped make me into what I am today. And for that I have to thank God for his existence in my life, and I have to thank Philip himself for just being himself.
Since I'm here might as well I reveal this thing that I've not told anyone before... when I was in college, there's this girl that could "see" the future... many students would make their ways to her apartment and ask her to "see" their future...and her specialty was in love and relationship... and she described exactly how my "story" with Philip wopuld end... exactly how it ended tonight.... and also how I would not believe her and would continue to harbour feelings for this guy until today.... and she was right all along....
And hence that chapter of my life is finished from this point onwards.
He only has my best wishes!
OMG! Look how 2006 is turning out to be!
Of course I'm not forgeting Daniel Wood! MOst interesting character.... most interesting life too! I wanted to tell him that for what it's worth, I thought he's leading a very writer kind of life.... and I terribly envy him.... you know that saying "the pen is mightier than the sword"... tell me how many people can actually say that about their pen? :) He's like one of the greatest writer I know personally.... I remember that one time when we were corresponding through email, I had to repeatedly check my mail to make sure that there were no grammatical or spelling mistakes! Imagine just an informal email.... that's just how much regard I have for this guy and his writing.....
So what a great day.... now topping my very exciting affair with the Aussie Open and Baghdatis!
Sleep tight everyone.
I thought my little Geryl bring-along this afternoon to Jo's place and little meet-up with Linus (the celebrity, aiks) would be a great idea... but I couldn't help feeling a bit disturbed with Geryl ending up very quiet and looking very uncomfortable... I felt that I've put him through quite an ordeal, but he assured me after that he was fine about it... I thought he would hit it off at least with Linus, who's suppose to be the chatter, the ice-breaker...
So very sorry Geryl! But enjoyed your company today, though you loooked a bit fazed... I only saw that spirit and sparkle in your eyes towards the end of our coffee-session when we were talking on and on about movies and stuff, which I was so enlightened! Now I'm desperately trying to get hold of Usual Suspects. :) Wish me luck!
Just for the rest of you, I'm looking for the DVD of the movie, "Usual Suspects" starring Kevin Spacey! *SCREAM*
I've forgotten about it the other time when it was highly recommended by MY Dr. Teh. :) Tomorrow I'm going DVD-hunting! But maybe most shops would not be opened yet.
OK. Now for the latest milestone in my life!
Philip Chin (the "love" of my life... in inverted commas because it's literally abstract) is finally out of my system! I've finally got to talk with him, be in the same breathing space with him for once, without feeling uncomfortable (and without him feeling overly uncomfortable too, which was the impression I've always got from him)... Linus arranged that I pick him up from his place on the way to visit Linus' place... I did most of the talking anyways...
Refer to my blog post of 13 January 2006, when I was talking about Philip... I even told Linus that I dreamt about him recently and thought that it was a sign that I would be meeting him soon... and what do you know?! When you wish something hard enough, it may just come true. :) I'm still feeling a bit dazed now.
He's sooo different now. I mean he still looks cute to me, maybe a little daddy-looking, more buffed up and all, not so skinny and scrawny, a biker I heard... but still talks funny, wearing kind of funny clothes, more assertive I would say.... and he's got tattoos! Lots of them! I almost died just now when he showed them off to me and Linus. They were not very pretty, but he had like easily 6 huge ones all over his body. It's amazing because I remembered that he said body-piercing was disgusting... any body-modifying stuffs were disgusting.... and now look at him.... senseless, haphazard, permanent tattoos all over.
People do change, a lot. And I was listening to him telling Linus that he's always been interested in body art.
And he was asking me in the car why I was still in contact with Linus... is it because he's a celebrity? I almost fainted too with that question. I was't offended, just wondering why he was having that line of thinking... but then I remembered Linus saying that Philip was also one of those who had been keeping in touch with him. And he was so defensive of Linus when I insulted him... I mean I know Linus would appreciate brutal honesty, and that's why there's no tapis-tapis business in my business.
Anyways, it's what I've been praying for. I need to move on. I need to dispel that fantasy I had been having of Philip all these donkey years. He's just a normal guy after all... not the god that I've fashioned him to be in my own mind. He's just Philip Chin, who's touched my life and helped make me into what I am today. And for that I have to thank God for his existence in my life, and I have to thank Philip himself for just being himself.
Since I'm here might as well I reveal this thing that I've not told anyone before... when I was in college, there's this girl that could "see" the future... many students would make their ways to her apartment and ask her to "see" their future...and her specialty was in love and relationship... and she described exactly how my "story" with Philip wopuld end... exactly how it ended tonight.... and also how I would not believe her and would continue to harbour feelings for this guy until today.... and she was right all along....
And hence that chapter of my life is finished from this point onwards.
He only has my best wishes!
OMG! Look how 2006 is turning out to be!
Of course I'm not forgeting Daniel Wood! MOst interesting character.... most interesting life too! I wanted to tell him that for what it's worth, I thought he's leading a very writer kind of life.... and I terribly envy him.... you know that saying "the pen is mightier than the sword"... tell me how many people can actually say that about their pen? :) He's like one of the greatest writer I know personally.... I remember that one time when we were corresponding through email, I had to repeatedly check my mail to make sure that there were no grammatical or spelling mistakes! Imagine just an informal email.... that's just how much regard I have for this guy and his writing.....
So what a great day.... now topping my very exciting affair with the Aussie Open and Baghdatis!
Sleep tight everyone.
Monday, 30 January 2006
Fairytale
Though the outcome of the Aussie Open didn't sway my way, I'm not less happy, in fact my dad was confused.... "Who are you supporting anyway?" he asked when I cringed as Federer neted a half forehand volley...
"I don't want Marcos to win just because Federer play badly... I want him to overwhelm him if possible with his smart game...."
But of course for those who already know the outcome, Baghdatis "succumbed" to the master himself.... Federer cooly survived a shocker opening set loss to come back strongly, without looking back.... Baghdatis loooked so weary at the end, but his fairytale journey at the Aussie Open still has a floaty-floaty feeling in me... making me feeling very nice and high.... it's such a dream.... making my one-week break most enjoyable, except when I woke up this morning realizing that Aussie Open ended yesterday...
Now I'm waiting for the French Open.... can Juan Carlos make a comeback? :)
It's been pretty warm these couple of days... so I'm pretty lazy to leave the house, but later making my way to Jo's place... can't wait to see my Godchildren! :) Hehe...
Maybe a little shopping after that, but don't know whether anywhere that's open. Doesn't matter...
What a great holiday... *beam*
Cheers!
"I don't want Marcos to win just because Federer play badly... I want him to overwhelm him if possible with his smart game...."
But of course for those who already know the outcome, Baghdatis "succumbed" to the master himself.... Federer cooly survived a shocker opening set loss to come back strongly, without looking back.... Baghdatis loooked so weary at the end, but his fairytale journey at the Aussie Open still has a floaty-floaty feeling in me... making me feeling very nice and high.... it's such a dream.... making my one-week break most enjoyable, except when I woke up this morning realizing that Aussie Open ended yesterday...
Now I'm waiting for the French Open.... can Juan Carlos make a comeback? :)
It's been pretty warm these couple of days... so I'm pretty lazy to leave the house, but later making my way to Jo's place... can't wait to see my Godchildren! :) Hehe...
Maybe a little shopping after that, but don't know whether anywhere that's open. Doesn't matter...
What a great holiday... *beam*
Cheers!
Sunday, 29 January 2006
Saturday, 28 January 2006
Happy Chinese New Year! It's the year of the dog... my kind of year... :)
Just want to wish a few buds of mine who's been out of sight for a while... but definitely not of out the mind... Wilhma and Wendy in KK and Jane in Sandakan! And not forgeting Sue Yii in KL!
And of course to my buds studying with me, you know who you are... will be missing you guys during this one-week break...
To everyone who wants a 2nd chance at making new year resolutions!
Cheers!
Thursday, 26 January 2006
OK!
I would say my clinical exam went ok, better that I imagined and feared, so that's great. Got an easy long case... asthma, but of course complicated by early-onset hypertension... but I felt that I managed to talked myself out of the situation just now.
For my short cases, I got Dr. Xavier! I was kinda nervous at first but of course profesionalism prevailed! Hehe... You see I used to have a crush on Dr. Xavier until he lost 20kg and swapped his thick black-rimmed with contact lenses! :) He was my Dr. Teddy Bear back in 3rd year, when he looked nerdy and was moody but extremely passionate with his work... nowadays he acts kinda cool and composed and looks kinda dashing (and a teeny-weeny bit conceited)....
Anyways, I thought I did ok because I didn't make any major mistakes. And right after the exam, he immediately gave me his feedback, which I thought was superb because most other examiners leave the students feeling dumbfounded and baffled sometimes after clinicals... so I thought that was really very professional.... I think he got that from Oxford... yup he's an Oxford graduate, known for his high standards... which I don't really mind even if I get a lousy mark because he was considerate and he tried making the exam as condusive and as comfortable for both patients and the medical students.
So I'm keeping my fingers crossed...
By the way, I got a pleural effusion and stroke for my 2 short cases..... phew! Nothing exotic like another colleague of mine got last rotation... I think it was a case of neurofibromatosis with phaechromocytoma. Wow, that's disturbing.
Anyways, now I'm just chilling out... have to finally give in to my mum... brought her shopping this afternooon... then got home and helped her with dinner... tonight I'm just going to chill out! *beaming*
The only unfortunate thing at the moment is that my Marcos is trailing Nalbandian in the Aussie semis... shit. And I think he might not play his way out of this match... he looks kinda flat... feel so sorry for him... all his 5 setter have finally got to him.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a Federer-Baghdatis final on Sunday.
Cheers!
For my short cases, I got Dr. Xavier! I was kinda nervous at first but of course profesionalism prevailed! Hehe... You see I used to have a crush on Dr. Xavier until he lost 20kg and swapped his thick black-rimmed with contact lenses! :) He was my Dr. Teddy Bear back in 3rd year, when he looked nerdy and was moody but extremely passionate with his work... nowadays he acts kinda cool and composed and looks kinda dashing (and a teeny-weeny bit conceited)....
Anyways, I thought I did ok because I didn't make any major mistakes. And right after the exam, he immediately gave me his feedback, which I thought was superb because most other examiners leave the students feeling dumbfounded and baffled sometimes after clinicals... so I thought that was really very professional.... I think he got that from Oxford... yup he's an Oxford graduate, known for his high standards... which I don't really mind even if I get a lousy mark because he was considerate and he tried making the exam as condusive and as comfortable for both patients and the medical students.
So I'm keeping my fingers crossed...
By the way, I got a pleural effusion and stroke for my 2 short cases..... phew! Nothing exotic like another colleague of mine got last rotation... I think it was a case of neurofibromatosis with phaechromocytoma. Wow, that's disturbing.
Anyways, now I'm just chilling out... have to finally give in to my mum... brought her shopping this afternooon... then got home and helped her with dinner... tonight I'm just going to chill out! *beaming*
The only unfortunate thing at the moment is that my Marcos is trailing Nalbandian in the Aussie semis... shit. And I think he might not play his way out of this match... he looks kinda flat... feel so sorry for him... all his 5 setter have finally got to him.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a Federer-Baghdatis final on Sunday.
Cheers!
Wednesday, 25 January 2006
Feline schizophrenia
Yes, today OSCE questions were a bit more, like what Chris said, "answerable". Thank God, but still there were a few stations where I couldn't answer most questions confidently. But that's now over.
So now I'm home to my Aussie, Aussie, Aussie Open! Grosjean vs. Kiefer... and I purposely left my laptop connected to internet to get the latest scores, because actually what we're getting so called live telecast is delayed a couple of minutes, so that's not acceptable in close matches. :) I know I'm a bit crazy these couple of days.
I was strucked by something a friend said last night. "Hey I thought your faith is stronger than mine!" Then went on and on about praying and religion. I just didn't have the energy to engage in any debate.... but luckily too... because now I realize that I'm not wrong.... who in the world know what's faith for sure? I don't think that it's a simplified as what how he put it, compare it and gauge it.
It's something too much more complex and even more mysterious.
And why should he (or anyone for that matter) gasp when I said something that may reflect that I'm doubting myself and even my faith?
It's only human that I have my ups and downs.
Anyways... by the way I just realized that my cat Miss Jelly might be schizophrenic. Seriously. Her body language, her paranoia, etc.....She keeps running in and out of the house, always lloking behind her shoulders... gets startled easily, fear in her eyes, hiding behind the sofa, now taking refuge in the store room. Even my dog can't help looking at her with some puzzlement.... but my mum said it's a sign that she might be dying.... this was based on her observation on all our cats in the past. She's not in pain or distress... eating well, shitting and peeing ok..... my dad says that she's just probably senile.
Miss Jelly is about 10 years old, but still looking cute and fluffy. Miss Jelly's mum, Miss Piggy (who now lives next door) has been around since I was in Primary 3! That makes her.... 15 years old! OMG. No wonder my mum says that she might be a witch or a ghost. She's pretty fiesty for an old lady. She eats crushed cat food because she's lost all her teeth.
Anyways, back to my Aussie, Aussie, Aussie Open! Go Marcos!
Cheers!
So now I'm home to my Aussie, Aussie, Aussie Open! Grosjean vs. Kiefer... and I purposely left my laptop connected to internet to get the latest scores, because actually what we're getting so called live telecast is delayed a couple of minutes, so that's not acceptable in close matches. :) I know I'm a bit crazy these couple of days.
I was strucked by something a friend said last night. "Hey I thought your faith is stronger than mine!" Then went on and on about praying and religion. I just didn't have the energy to engage in any debate.... but luckily too... because now I realize that I'm not wrong.... who in the world know what's faith for sure? I don't think that it's a simplified as what how he put it, compare it and gauge it.
It's something too much more complex and even more mysterious.
And why should he (or anyone for that matter) gasp when I said something that may reflect that I'm doubting myself and even my faith?
It's only human that I have my ups and downs.
Anyways... by the way I just realized that my cat Miss Jelly might be schizophrenic. Seriously. Her body language, her paranoia, etc.....She keeps running in and out of the house, always lloking behind her shoulders... gets startled easily, fear in her eyes, hiding behind the sofa, now taking refuge in the store room. Even my dog can't help looking at her with some puzzlement.... but my mum said it's a sign that she might be dying.... this was based on her observation on all our cats in the past. She's not in pain or distress... eating well, shitting and peeing ok..... my dad says that she's just probably senile.
Miss Jelly is about 10 years old, but still looking cute and fluffy. Miss Jelly's mum, Miss Piggy (who now lives next door) has been around since I was in Primary 3! That makes her.... 15 years old! OMG. No wonder my mum says that she might be a witch or a ghost. She's pretty fiesty for an old lady. She eats crushed cat food because she's lost all her teeth.
Anyways, back to my Aussie, Aussie, Aussie Open! Go Marcos!
Cheers!
Tuesday, 24 January 2006
Feeling romantic
I really don't know what to study for tomorrow, or revise for that matter. Medicine is just so vast, just so like that line where the earth meet the sky in the horizon.
And for the exam tomorrow is a 10-station exam. And I don't want to make the mistake of spotting questions. Even though today I spotted amazingly 2 out of 4 of my MEQ, I still couldn't answer them very well. ACS and stroke. Chronic liver disease was also intergrated, but that was ok. And of all things, the other 2 questions were on gout and acromegaly. I know these 2 subjects only superficially, so the pharmaco and physio aspects went down the drain.
MCQ was the worst of the 3 papers today. I can honestly say that I might as well flunk that paper, because even if I did pass it, it's pure sinful luck.
But the best thing about post-exam today was that I felt really bad only for like 5mins... after that I was fine... even helped out mum with dinner, slept on the couch, replied all my emails, watched TV, read through my corrected case write-ups and oncall reports by Dr. Hla Myint, etc.
So how am I preparing for tomorrow? Aussie Open! Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!!!!
Marcos Baghdatis rocks! This cypriot is my new hero.... so I didn't quite appreciate it that Raj refered to him as the "baggy guy". Hmmpph!
Now I'm praying for a Federer-Baghdatis final! It's like all my troubles in the whole is gone when I watch him play... *dreamy* You know, watching a wonderful match of tennis is a very profound and romantic thing for me, and no exam in the world would stop me from this indulgement.
So I'll be flying blue and white tomorrow (flag of Cyprus???) going into my exam.
Cheers!
And for the exam tomorrow is a 10-station exam. And I don't want to make the mistake of spotting questions. Even though today I spotted amazingly 2 out of 4 of my MEQ, I still couldn't answer them very well. ACS and stroke. Chronic liver disease was also intergrated, but that was ok. And of all things, the other 2 questions were on gout and acromegaly. I know these 2 subjects only superficially, so the pharmaco and physio aspects went down the drain.
MCQ was the worst of the 3 papers today. I can honestly say that I might as well flunk that paper, because even if I did pass it, it's pure sinful luck.
But the best thing about post-exam today was that I felt really bad only for like 5mins... after that I was fine... even helped out mum with dinner, slept on the couch, replied all my emails, watched TV, read through my corrected case write-ups and oncall reports by Dr. Hla Myint, etc.
So how am I preparing for tomorrow? Aussie Open! Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!!!!
Marcos Baghdatis rocks! This cypriot is my new hero.... so I didn't quite appreciate it that Raj refered to him as the "baggy guy". Hmmpph!
Now I'm praying for a Federer-Baghdatis final! It's like all my troubles in the whole is gone when I watch him play... *dreamy* You know, watching a wonderful match of tennis is a very profound and romantic thing for me, and no exam in the world would stop me from this indulgement.
So I'll be flying blue and white tomorrow (flag of Cyprus???) going into my exam.
Cheers!
Quite a disastrous day
Day 1 of End of Posting (Medicine) Exam.
Papers were tough. Didn't feel good doing it... didn't feel good after, either. Actually quite disastrous. *sigh* Story of my life.
I was even thinking that Medicine might not be the thing for me halfway through my MCQ paper. I has so much time left because there were quite a handful of the questions that I just couldn't answer. No clue. Nada. Zero.
I just hope to scrap through this posting because my friends from Surgery told me things would be better there... I truly hope so... I do prefer surgery to internal medicine (where the doctors are more full of themsleves).
Tomorrow OSCE. Then Thurs short and long cases. Still some more chances to redeem my self.
Then hoprefully after Thurs there will be some more left of me to enjoy CNY and my overdue 1-week break.
*fingers crossed*
Papers were tough. Didn't feel good doing it... didn't feel good after, either. Actually quite disastrous. *sigh* Story of my life.
I was even thinking that Medicine might not be the thing for me halfway through my MCQ paper. I has so much time left because there were quite a handful of the questions that I just couldn't answer. No clue. Nada. Zero.
I just hope to scrap through this posting because my friends from Surgery told me things would be better there... I truly hope so... I do prefer surgery to internal medicine (where the doctors are more full of themsleves).
Tomorrow OSCE. Then Thurs short and long cases. Still some more chances to redeem my self.
Then hoprefully after Thurs there will be some more left of me to enjoy CNY and my overdue 1-week break.
*fingers crossed*
Monday, 23 January 2006
Monday, 16 January 2006
I have zits
I have zits. Shit. Stress. Shit. Exam. Shit.
Don't worry. Nothing new.
Dr. Annuar. Shit. Why is he such a pain in the ass?
Glad everything's settled with the visiting lecturer. Now I can do my own stuff in peace.
Wish me luck ya. Good luck to my colleagues too.
(I have poverty of speech and thought at the moment)
Don't worry. Nothing new.
Dr. Annuar. Shit. Why is he such a pain in the ass?
Glad everything's settled with the visiting lecturer. Now I can do my own stuff in peace.
Wish me luck ya. Good luck to my colleagues too.
(I have poverty of speech and thought at the moment)
Saturday, 14 January 2006
What was he doing in the office on a Saturday morning?
So I was sending in my oncall report in Dr. M's pigeon hole this morning around 8.30am... then suddenly...
"Anything? What are you doing here?"
I turned and I saw a lecturer... I know he's a lecturer, but not his name... he used to man the campuc clinic in Samarahan.... unfriendly guy.... poor eye contact.....
"Oh I'm sending in something to Dr. M... I wanted to meet her too...."
There's a lecturers' office just a stone throw away from the pigeon boxes... I wanted to talk to her about our elusive neuro sessions with the visiting lecturer on Monday....
"I don't think anyone's here.... you should not be up here... you have to meet the lecturer downstairs..." he said without looking at me...
"Oh, ok...." Then I walked off...
A couple of things went through my mind.... when I went knocking on Dr. M's door, I heard down the corridor music coming from some other lecturer's office... faint but it's music.... maybe it's his... maybe he thought I wanted to steal printing paper... maybe he was surfing a porn web site and was afraid I might accidentally "hear" it or see it.... maybe he was masturbating or something....
Hmm.... students see the lecturers all the time in their offices.... nm... whatever.... I've known Dr. M to be in her office on Saturday mornings... that's why I gave it a shot and knocked on her door...
Anyways.... just bringing some some Saturday morning juice to everyone!
Cheers!
"Anything? What are you doing here?"
I turned and I saw a lecturer... I know he's a lecturer, but not his name... he used to man the campuc clinic in Samarahan.... unfriendly guy.... poor eye contact.....
"Oh I'm sending in something to Dr. M... I wanted to meet her too...."
There's a lecturers' office just a stone throw away from the pigeon boxes... I wanted to talk to her about our elusive neuro sessions with the visiting lecturer on Monday....
"I don't think anyone's here.... you should not be up here... you have to meet the lecturer downstairs..." he said without looking at me...
"Oh, ok...." Then I walked off...
A couple of things went through my mind.... when I went knocking on Dr. M's door, I heard down the corridor music coming from some other lecturer's office... faint but it's music.... maybe it's his... maybe he thought I wanted to steal printing paper... maybe he was surfing a porn web site and was afraid I might accidentally "hear" it or see it.... maybe he was masturbating or something....
Hmm.... students see the lecturers all the time in their offices.... nm... whatever.... I've known Dr. M to be in her office on Saturday mornings... that's why I gave it a shot and knocked on her door...
Anyways.... just bringing some some Saturday morning juice to everyone!
Cheers!
Friday, 13 January 2006
Busy, busy times... exam's just around the corner.... studying frenzy.... no time to even update my blog... because I feel guilty spending the time I do blogging.... but this entry is an exception. Spent the whole day reading and reading, and wondering how much will get retained... wondering how all the HO struggled through their final months in medical school..... then thinking about what my life would be in KK later (hehe... counting my chicks before they are hatched)....
And Dr. A is not making my final 2 weeks as Posting Leader any easier.... he's refusing to reply my email/sms to whether the invited neurologist (he promised many weeks ago) would take us for our neuro sessions next week.... my colleagues are pressuring me for answers and Dr. M is pressuring me for another class, which I'm glad to have with her but I don't want any messy clashes, and everyone gets "offended".... I guess only my coursemates would understand the circus that we're studying in.
I even forgot to submit my oncall report to the faculty today! When I realized it, it was already 5.45pm, so I figured I'll just drop it off tomorrow morning.... no harm done.
Then last night, after my battles with my books... I had the most wonderful dream in the whole wide world.... but should I mention real names??? *wondering*
For some reason I dreamt about my crush from my school days... and it was so vivid... his face and his voice were so real, and I could even remember each and every single word he said in my dream.... No, I'm not going crazy.... in fact when I woke up this morning, I felt so happy and so motivated to study.... it's like I've fallen in love all over again.... only wish that it was real instead of a dream.... hehe...
I even remember this part when he was talking to a friend (actually a current coursemate, who in real life does not know my crush) about the one quality of the girl he wants to marry.... and he said, "Someone who loves children..." and he glanced over to me....
Of course in real life I would just faint (and wonder whether I real love children), but in the dream I was so composed and had that reaction/feeling of like, "Wow, that's what I would like my guy to be too...."
Then suddenly I dreamt that we were at a camping ground, and he sang and played the guitar.... *melt*
Then we were at a mutual's friend's wedding reception, seated at the same table... chatting, catching up with old times....
*dreamy*
I know, I know I sound ridiculous, but isn't it wonderful to have such a mind-altering dream! Hehe... Anyone who knows the secret of dream interpretation, fill me in on what my dream may mean! I mean, I mean, why was it so vivid and so powerful?
And why him? I have not seen him for what 3 years? 4 years?
Bonne nuit beautiful people!
And Dr. A is not making my final 2 weeks as Posting Leader any easier.... he's refusing to reply my email/sms to whether the invited neurologist (he promised many weeks ago) would take us for our neuro sessions next week.... my colleagues are pressuring me for answers and Dr. M is pressuring me for another class, which I'm glad to have with her but I don't want any messy clashes, and everyone gets "offended".... I guess only my coursemates would understand the circus that we're studying in.
I even forgot to submit my oncall report to the faculty today! When I realized it, it was already 5.45pm, so I figured I'll just drop it off tomorrow morning.... no harm done.
Then last night, after my battles with my books... I had the most wonderful dream in the whole wide world.... but should I mention real names??? *wondering*
For some reason I dreamt about my crush from my school days... and it was so vivid... his face and his voice were so real, and I could even remember each and every single word he said in my dream.... No, I'm not going crazy.... in fact when I woke up this morning, I felt so happy and so motivated to study.... it's like I've fallen in love all over again.... only wish that it was real instead of a dream.... hehe...
I even remember this part when he was talking to a friend (actually a current coursemate, who in real life does not know my crush) about the one quality of the girl he wants to marry.... and he said, "Someone who loves children..." and he glanced over to me....
Of course in real life I would just faint (and wonder whether I real love children), but in the dream I was so composed and had that reaction/feeling of like, "Wow, that's what I would like my guy to be too...."
Then suddenly I dreamt that we were at a camping ground, and he sang and played the guitar.... *melt*
Then we were at a mutual's friend's wedding reception, seated at the same table... chatting, catching up with old times....
*dreamy*
I know, I know I sound ridiculous, but isn't it wonderful to have such a mind-altering dream! Hehe... Anyone who knows the secret of dream interpretation, fill me in on what my dream may mean! I mean, I mean, why was it so vivid and so powerful?
And why him? I have not seen him for what 3 years? 4 years?
Bonne nuit beautiful people!
Wednesday, 11 January 2006
Tonight Japanese buffet, my uncle's treat, again! Since we (except mum and dad) enjoyed it so much he decided to treat us for an early Chinese New Year dinner (because he couldn't get reservation for the next 2 weeks...)
So I'm very excited, and have been saving up for tonight. :) Typical Chinese?
*daydreaming*
"Salmon..."
Anyways, had 2 really great sessions with Dr. Mra this week... wished we had gotten her earlier in our posting... I don't know really what to say, except that I love her style of teaching... I can follow her train of thoughts very well, but of course I have to ignore all the other elements of feeling inadequate and even stupid....She said that some of us are just not "teachable"... nope... she used the word "trainable"... hehe like training doggies...
"2 or 3 of you don't need our (lecturers) service.... 30% of you can be trained... but the rest of you are just untrainable!"
She was infuriated about something just now... we were all very scarred... the class was silent...
I know that Adeline, Josh and Chee Shee are her "2 or 3"....
So am I trainable? Hehe...
You know, medicine is a cruel field.... the people in this field are so fierce and so protective of it that they have this automatic mechanism to run down anyone that don't think like them... even when they meet their matches, they still go all out to undermine each other....
Reminds me of newborn Dingo pubs in a litter trying to kill each other, even with their still unopened eyes... but that's a natural instinct to increase their survival chances....
As for the doctors, why would a Physician undermine a Surgeon, or a Paediatrician undermine a Obstetrician?
Patients play 2nd fiddle to all that... sad huh? You should see how some of the doctors treat the patients... even I feel very embarassed.
Doctors are some of the most unpleasant people around nowadays, unfortunately.... and I'm to join them in a couple of months time....
Sometimes I really don't know what I'm doing...
*sigh*
In the mean time, I'm just taking everything step-by-step.... reading quite diligently.... beginning to love my Harrison's (hopefully not too late...)... but I wish I'm praying more... and I wish I was blessed with more neurons... it seems like I have a lot of information in my head, but have no idea how to use them.... very frustrating you know...
Ok, I want to snooze for a while, what a treat you know...it's been a whiel since I had a free afternoon.... maybe read-up on some stuff after that before... before I prepare for my Salmon feast!
Cheers!
So I'm very excited, and have been saving up for tonight. :) Typical Chinese?
*daydreaming*
"Salmon..."
Anyways, had 2 really great sessions with Dr. Mra this week... wished we had gotten her earlier in our posting... I don't know really what to say, except that I love her style of teaching... I can follow her train of thoughts very well, but of course I have to ignore all the other elements of feeling inadequate and even stupid....She said that some of us are just not "teachable"... nope... she used the word "trainable"... hehe like training doggies...
"2 or 3 of you don't need our (lecturers) service.... 30% of you can be trained... but the rest of you are just untrainable!"
She was infuriated about something just now... we were all very scarred... the class was silent...
I know that Adeline, Josh and Chee Shee are her "2 or 3"....
So am I trainable? Hehe...
You know, medicine is a cruel field.... the people in this field are so fierce and so protective of it that they have this automatic mechanism to run down anyone that don't think like them... even when they meet their matches, they still go all out to undermine each other....
Reminds me of newborn Dingo pubs in a litter trying to kill each other, even with their still unopened eyes... but that's a natural instinct to increase their survival chances....
As for the doctors, why would a Physician undermine a Surgeon, or a Paediatrician undermine a Obstetrician?
Patients play 2nd fiddle to all that... sad huh? You should see how some of the doctors treat the patients... even I feel very embarassed.
Doctors are some of the most unpleasant people around nowadays, unfortunately.... and I'm to join them in a couple of months time....
Sometimes I really don't know what I'm doing...
*sigh*
In the mean time, I'm just taking everything step-by-step.... reading quite diligently.... beginning to love my Harrison's (hopefully not too late...)... but I wish I'm praying more... and I wish I was blessed with more neurons... it seems like I have a lot of information in my head, but have no idea how to use them.... very frustrating you know...
Ok, I want to snooze for a while, what a treat you know...it's been a whiel since I had a free afternoon.... maybe read-up on some stuff after that before... before I prepare for my Salmon feast!
Cheers!
Monday, 9 January 2006
Relaxation therapy
I'm feeling so much better today... :)
Even the extended class today with Dr. Mra until 6pm didn't hamper my spirits... got home and even helped mum with dinner... had a hearty meal and the whole family settled in to watch Steve Irwin and Jeff Corwin in action! My kind of heroes... wouldn't mind marrying one of them, but mum's not impressed... she thinks that they are very unhygienic with all their wildlife adventures (eg. examining animal excrement without gloves, wrestling with alligators in the swamp, hugging primates, wrangling snakes, etc.) That's just mum.
Oh no.... I was searching for some Kevin McKidd pictures when I stumbled on a male celebrity nude page... very disturbed but at the same time quite intrigued! Muahha! :) *blush*
I think those human work of art only make up 0.001% of the population.
Luckily I was searching for McKidd's pictures... at least I know now that I was just smitten by the charater Bothwell on Gunpowder, Treason and Gunpowder (GTP)... he looks pretty sickly in his other pictures, skinny some more! OMG. On GTP, he was buffed up, had a very manly and brutish voise, (which I found quite a turn on) and he had a most beautiful scar on his face!
*swoon*
I know, I know... hey that's my relaxation therapy. :)
Anyways, didn't find any really nice pictures other than the one I've posted earlier, so I'll just keep it that way.
Now to continue hunting...
Bonne nuit!
Even the extended class today with Dr. Mra until 6pm didn't hamper my spirits... got home and even helped mum with dinner... had a hearty meal and the whole family settled in to watch Steve Irwin and Jeff Corwin in action! My kind of heroes... wouldn't mind marrying one of them, but mum's not impressed... she thinks that they are very unhygienic with all their wildlife adventures (eg. examining animal excrement without gloves, wrestling with alligators in the swamp, hugging primates, wrangling snakes, etc.) That's just mum.
Oh no.... I was searching for some Kevin McKidd pictures when I stumbled on a male celebrity nude page... very disturbed but at the same time quite intrigued! Muahha! :) *blush*
I think those human work of art only make up 0.001% of the population.
Luckily I was searching for McKidd's pictures... at least I know now that I was just smitten by the charater Bothwell on Gunpowder, Treason and Gunpowder (GTP)... he looks pretty sickly in his other pictures, skinny some more! OMG. On GTP, he was buffed up, had a very manly and brutish voise, (which I found quite a turn on) and he had a most beautiful scar on his face!
*swoon*
I know, I know... hey that's my relaxation therapy. :)
Anyways, didn't find any really nice pictures other than the one I've posted earlier, so I'll just keep it that way.
Now to continue hunting...
Bonne nuit!
Saturday, 7 January 2006
THANK YOU!
If there's one thing I can say that I appreciate more than my life right now is the group of great friends that I'm so priviledged and so blessed to have.
THANK YOU.
God has answered my prayers (not really prayers lar because I didn't really pray that much recently...)... for a sign. A sign that I wasn't alone. A sign that there's more than what meets the eyes. A sign that there's still hope. A sign that I'll be ok.
THANK YOU.
Chris, Doreen and Soon Ching took me out for a get-together this afternoon. They actually got me cake for my birthday! 2 weeks in advance! :) Because on my actual day, 23 Jan, we all will be having our end of posting exam... and by the end of the week, all of them would be flying home for the Chinese New Year. It's so sweet of them to remember to share this moment with me despite the craziness of our lives right now.
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU.
God has answered my prayers (not really prayers lar because I didn't really pray that much recently...)... for a sign. A sign that I wasn't alone. A sign that there's more than what meets the eyes. A sign that there's still hope. A sign that I'll be ok.
THANK YOU.
Chris, Doreen and Soon Ching took me out for a get-together this afternoon. They actually got me cake for my birthday! 2 weeks in advance! :) Because on my actual day, 23 Jan, we all will be having our end of posting exam... and by the end of the week, all of them would be flying home for the Chinese New Year. It's so sweet of them to remember to share this moment with me despite the craziness of our lives right now.
THANK YOU!
Better morning
I just slept and slept last night. Didn't bother to wake up at my 6am alarm. Didn't bother to make it to CCU to wait on Dr. Annuar. There's really no point... he's just a bully. He's always complaining that we don't know shit, but he's constantly stealing our time...
Yesterday I was in the wards 7am onwards... and when he made his grand entrance into the CCU at 7.18am (the 1st of the last 2 weeks) he expected all of us to be waiting on him... I was in the female ward following up on a patient who was to be discharged that morning...
Anyways, he just made some noise and something, but I'm not bothered....
Doc Martin on Hallmark was kind of a disappointment. Didn't make me think, didn't make me laugh, didn't make me go "Hey, that's so cool..."
Now waiting for my parents for our usual weekend morning breakfast. Have to savour all these moments... may not have them in a couple of months time. Then later lunch with Chris, Doreen and Soon Ching. Can't wait. Miss chatting with them, even though actually I'm not really in the mood to chat. It's the company I love.
Then when I get back, have to start on my case presentation for Dr. Mra's rheumatology session on Monday, and also get started on my on-call reports... due next Friday...
Yesterday I was in the wards 7am onwards... and when he made his grand entrance into the CCU at 7.18am (the 1st of the last 2 weeks) he expected all of us to be waiting on him... I was in the female ward following up on a patient who was to be discharged that morning...
Anyways, he just made some noise and something, but I'm not bothered....
Doc Martin on Hallmark was kind of a disappointment. Didn't make me think, didn't make me laugh, didn't make me go "Hey, that's so cool..."
Now waiting for my parents for our usual weekend morning breakfast. Have to savour all these moments... may not have them in a couple of months time. Then later lunch with Chris, Doreen and Soon Ching. Can't wait. Miss chatting with them, even though actually I'm not really in the mood to chat. It's the company I love.
Then when I get back, have to start on my case presentation for Dr. Mra's rheumatology session on Monday, and also get started on my on-call reports... due next Friday...
Friday, 6 January 2006
Mere contemptibles
I'm back.
I'm in one of those dark moments. I'm so used to be in one of these that I'm so comfortable with it.
I was just thinking what I've done to myself by doing medicine... What have I done to my once confident and vivacious self?
Honestly I've never felt so weak and burdened and even afraid... a lot of times I feel alone, like my family doesn't really understand me, friends that I've beginning to feel uncomfortable around, and God seems so far away, and yet I'm always trying to remind myself that "Hey, His right here beside me, isn't He?"
I've always had excellent self-image (sometimes even too good for my own benefit)... but recently I've felt very negatively towards how I look and how I present myself, very self-conscious, very concerned about what people think... having overvalued ideas....
Don't worry, I don't have suicidal ideations, unlike my sister who always says she's suicidal or something.... I don't want to die... I just want a fresh start... a new life... a new mind... maybe I just want God to just spill it out directly.... What is His plan for me? What is it that He wants me to do? Just cut to the chase.
I wish that my vocal cords are paralyzed so that I don't have a voice, so that I won't be noticed so much. In my mind, people notice me because I talk too much, I speak my mind... so I hope that goes away. Because now when I think back, I'm an empty vessel. Literally.
Deep? Insightful? Bullshit. I don't know anything.
I don't want to be like Susan the Accountant.
Possible overvalued ideas:
I'm in one of those dark moments. I'm so used to be in one of these that I'm so comfortable with it.
I was just thinking what I've done to myself by doing medicine... What have I done to my once confident and vivacious self?
Honestly I've never felt so weak and burdened and even afraid... a lot of times I feel alone, like my family doesn't really understand me, friends that I've beginning to feel uncomfortable around, and God seems so far away, and yet I'm always trying to remind myself that "Hey, His right here beside me, isn't He?"
I've always had excellent self-image (sometimes even too good for my own benefit)... but recently I've felt very negatively towards how I look and how I present myself, very self-conscious, very concerned about what people think... having overvalued ideas....
Don't worry, I don't have suicidal ideations, unlike my sister who always says she's suicidal or something.... I don't want to die... I just want a fresh start... a new life... a new mind... maybe I just want God to just spill it out directly.... What is His plan for me? What is it that He wants me to do? Just cut to the chase.
I wish that my vocal cords are paralyzed so that I don't have a voice, so that I won't be noticed so much. In my mind, people notice me because I talk too much, I speak my mind... so I hope that goes away. Because now when I think back, I'm an empty vessel. Literally.
Deep? Insightful? Bullshit. I don't know anything.
I don't want to be like Susan the Accountant.
Possible overvalued ideas:
- I'm not cut out to be a doctor, even God may screw up sometimes, it's all a huge mistake...
- Raj keeps looking at me as if I'm angry at him, which I'm NOT, and I wish that he would stop it, without asking any question or making a scene...
- Some people think I'm so smart just because I talk a lot when in fact I'm sooo stupid... why? Is it because of my face? Then I hate my face....
- I'll always be fat... has always been, no reason why I won't continue to be so
- I feel those very positive and happy people pretend to be so to spite me... in fact they are just as miserable as me
Strange things happening around me:
- What's with the emotional outburst by Dr. Gan? It creeped me out.
- What's with my inacessant laziness and lack of motivation and deliberate procrastination... everyone in the rat race is running pass ahead of me... and I continue to run slowly, indifferent to the urgency of the moment
- I'm having fantasies of dying in a natural disaster... the tsunami came, saw and conquered... reducing everything in her path to mere contemptibles
There... I feel much better already...
Dyspepsia
I guess my new year didn't kick off very well... it's manifestating as my old friend, dyspepsia. I'm a bit depressed and a bit frustrated, but that's just one of the thing about being a medical student, in my book. I can't speak for everyone.
Let's see... I really hate my group. I hate medical posting. And oh ya, I hate what I've put myself through. I just don't see the point anymore. Oh ya, I still hate Lien Chong San!
Continue later...
Let's see... I really hate my group. I hate medical posting. And oh ya, I hate what I've put myself through. I just don't see the point anymore. Oh ya, I still hate Lien Chong San!
Continue later...
Monday, 2 January 2006
LIEN CHONG SAN: The Face of Evil
I cannot help but doing my part of immortalizing this savage's face! He's the infamous dog abuser from Selangor. I won't repeat on my blog what he did to his dog, Sheena... just type in his name on Yahoo Search or Google to see his rep sheet... or click here. I'll always remember his face and his name. Stupid man.
Object of my fascination: Kevin McKidd
Kevin McKidd as "Bothwell" in Gunpowder, Treason and Plot: Mary Queen of Scots
*swoon*
Sunday, 1 January 2006
What would 2006 bring into my life? Or rather, what do I want from 2006?
Happy New Year everybody.
I want serenity first and foremost. The rest are just icing on the cake. I want serenity because I want to still be able to look at myself in the mirror even when I give up, when I'm at a lost, when I fail. I want to be able to tell myself, "Hey Sharon, it's ok... it's not the end of the world... move on...." I want to learn to embrace the not so wonderful side of life.... and hope something's gained from the experience...
But I also want to be deliriously happy, however idealistic it may sound. Happy even when I fail, and even happier when I succeed.
As for new year resolutions, only one resolution actually, to be more hardworking! :) I've been sooooo lazy.... and I want to learn to be more accountable for my actions... I noticed I have been making excuses for my shortcomings. That has to go.
These weren't thought out over new year's eve or something... it's been a hope and aspiration that were supressed, but now I finally spill it all out, and click on the "publish post" button of this entry and hope for a miracle to happen.
*fingers crossed*
So how did I usher in 2006? By having dinner with with my parents and their friends, even though my heart wasn't at the round table.... before dinner I took a long walk in the weekend market in Satok and looked and checked out anything, but in the end didn't buy a thing.... then I took the car and when "shopping" at a few places in the city.... what I was trying to do was to rediscover the joy that this activity used to bring me... no chance... I've grown out of it.
My last 3-4 hours of 2005 was spent watching "Mary Bryant" on Hallmark... what a great movie.... it was inspirational and romantic.... I even imagined myself torned between the cheeky and handsome William Bryant and the tall and dashing Lt. Ralph Clark! Hehe.... then I found myself challenged by the heroism of Mary Bryant... what is my so-called "predicament" compared to what she went through? Where the hell did she get all her will and strength?
And that's why she's today a legend in her own right.
And just before attending mass today, I was watching the epic movie on Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.... again I couldn't get out off my couch... I was totally entranced by the upheaval of her time and her torrid love affair with James Hepburn, the 4th Earl of Bothwell.
I can't explain what is it that I'm doing or going through... a little bit melancholic... a bit nostalgic... shrouded by romanticism....
Or maybe I'm just a sucker for romantic movies, especially those in the Georgian era of England... I fancied myself in one of those BIG dresses, wearing corset (hehe...), plunging necklines, ballroom dancing, tall, handsome lords, dukes and all the king's men.... infidelity, torrid, torrid love affairs... must have some been quite an era. :)
Anyways, now back to the 21st century, more accurately 1 JANUARY 2006, I am just Sharon Chin, the measly medical student, struggling with her studies, her lack of confidence, her fear of the very near future, now trying to make a new start for the new year. The gal, who occasionally self-pities herself and refuses to let insight talk senses into herself. But she's trying...
Happy New Year once again everybody! May all your dreams come true!
Bonne nuit!
Happy New Year everybody.
I want serenity first and foremost. The rest are just icing on the cake. I want serenity because I want to still be able to look at myself in the mirror even when I give up, when I'm at a lost, when I fail. I want to be able to tell myself, "Hey Sharon, it's ok... it's not the end of the world... move on...." I want to learn to embrace the not so wonderful side of life.... and hope something's gained from the experience...
But I also want to be deliriously happy, however idealistic it may sound. Happy even when I fail, and even happier when I succeed.
As for new year resolutions, only one resolution actually, to be more hardworking! :) I've been sooooo lazy.... and I want to learn to be more accountable for my actions... I noticed I have been making excuses for my shortcomings. That has to go.
These weren't thought out over new year's eve or something... it's been a hope and aspiration that were supressed, but now I finally spill it all out, and click on the "publish post" button of this entry and hope for a miracle to happen.
*fingers crossed*
So how did I usher in 2006? By having dinner with with my parents and their friends, even though my heart wasn't at the round table.... before dinner I took a long walk in the weekend market in Satok and looked and checked out anything, but in the end didn't buy a thing.... then I took the car and when "shopping" at a few places in the city.... what I was trying to do was to rediscover the joy that this activity used to bring me... no chance... I've grown out of it.
My last 3-4 hours of 2005 was spent watching "Mary Bryant" on Hallmark... what a great movie.... it was inspirational and romantic.... I even imagined myself torned between the cheeky and handsome William Bryant and the tall and dashing Lt. Ralph Clark! Hehe.... then I found myself challenged by the heroism of Mary Bryant... what is my so-called "predicament" compared to what she went through? Where the hell did she get all her will and strength?
And that's why she's today a legend in her own right.
And just before attending mass today, I was watching the epic movie on Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.... again I couldn't get out off my couch... I was totally entranced by the upheaval of her time and her torrid love affair with James Hepburn, the 4th Earl of Bothwell.
I can't explain what is it that I'm doing or going through... a little bit melancholic... a bit nostalgic... shrouded by romanticism....
Or maybe I'm just a sucker for romantic movies, especially those in the Georgian era of England... I fancied myself in one of those BIG dresses, wearing corset (hehe...), plunging necklines, ballroom dancing, tall, handsome lords, dukes and all the king's men.... infidelity, torrid, torrid love affairs... must have some been quite an era. :)
Anyways, now back to the 21st century, more accurately 1 JANUARY 2006, I am just Sharon Chin, the measly medical student, struggling with her studies, her lack of confidence, her fear of the very near future, now trying to make a new start for the new year. The gal, who occasionally self-pities herself and refuses to let insight talk senses into herself. But she's trying...
Happy New Year once again everybody! May all your dreams come true!
Bonne nuit!
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