From my perspective...

I was telling my family over dinner about my little "struggle" to kick off caffeine. Without even finishing my story, my dad interrupted by saying, "It's all in the head!" and looked disinterested in my story after that and made a face as if I was making a big deal over something that was very simple and starightforward... My sister was worse I think... she immediately said, "You should stop. You shouldn't .... You shouldn't..... You shouldn't..." Then I said that I was trying... I've already successfully tapered down from 6-7 cups to 2 a day now. And it's only been slightly more than 1 week. Then she went on to judge me by saying, "Then you're not ready to stop..." The message behind her statement was that I was just making a big deal about it, and just making excuses for not stopping immediately, or going cold turkey (Hey I tried, and it was disastrous! Unbearable headache!) That coming from a smoker, but I'm not sure of her status... but she's burns one everytime I'm out with her, immediately after we make a first stop after leaving the house. And she would leave anything going on halfway and go out for a "smoke".

It's strange that she could judge me that way... and she knew I was feeling judged... because I told them that if they were to counsel a chain smoker, then he or she won't probably make it because of the stigma of being judged.... then she proceeded to ask me if that what I was feeling and then I replied, "Yeah, kind of..." And she looked very satisfied.

On top of that, she went on and on about the "sin" of drinking coffee at night, that I would cause my immune system to be low because of lack of proper sleep and how I should avoid drinking after 2pm everyday, blah, blah, blah (I know all those, but I'm sure she knew that smoking was harmful to her and worse for her second-hand smokers around her?)... that coming from someone who smokes, chooses to be on diet pills and irregular and insensible diet, very, very late nights out...every night. And she drinks as well...

I really marvel at her "blindness"... but I didn't want to strike her down over dinner... because my parents know she smokes but chose not to talk about it even though they "nag" about it to ME whenever she's not at home... so I didn't want any tension, it's been quite smooth sailing since we came back from the camp.... So I'm giving her that satisfaction or that victory which I don't know what she derived so much satisfaction from... it's really such a small thing...

But luckily I have this blog to vent all my frustration... I can't really talk to someone directly about things like these because it would make them feel uncomfortable or they make it seem that I'm talking bad behind someone... hypocrites! Come on! We talk about people everyday!

But I guess that I'm just stunned and a little dissapointed with my dad for his lack of support, but I can forgive him because he's not well-versed about things like these... he doesn't smoke, drink, etc... no form of addiction that I know about, and he's always making "sweeping" statements about things he doesn't know about, just based on his observation (only occasionally he's right...)... then my sis didn't really surprise me as well because she's been always quite cynical and dare I say arrogant since she's been back from KL... sometimes I just let her talk and talk about some disease or some medical stuff even though I have stuff to add on, but since she usually speaks with such confidence and conviction, I usually keep quiet not to burst her bubble.

Another thing that cropped up was how she could put precedence time and time again, her friends, over her family? When I tell people this, I always get the same answer or response... that it's a phase she's going through... that she would grow out of it. She's grown a lot, but that's one thing that she's not grown out of... then she goes around giving the impression that she's very troubled, suicidal, neglected, etc.? She's never ready to change...

And I guess people don't have the answer to my question/problem, so they just tell me it's a phase...

It's ok, sometimes, it's being able to question something that is more important than to have the answers...

Cheers!