What a short holiday

I'm leaving for KK in 2 hours time. Can't say I'm thrilled about it having to leave the comfort of home, my family, nice local food... and all my new friends. But as sick as it may sound, I'm actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. And I'm excited that I'm doing 3rd call tomorrow... which means OT call and covering my other colleagues doing 1st, 2nd and 3rd calls. Quite lepak la unless too many admissions I have to step in. My main job for 3rd call is to assist in any emergency operations during the night. And I'm oncall with my current ward MO who's really cool.

I'm hoping he would let me do appendicectomy.



That's Bruce the kitten (who my parents picked up at the Badruddin Road traffic light, now adopted by my aunt) and Leon their Scottish Fold. Cute eh?

Something big is happening in my family. Dying to write about it but timing's out a little. Maybe this weekend after work.

Cheers!

Pictures, pictures, pictures!

Congratulations to my old pal from school Joyce the Ho! She looked stunning last night. The guy who tamed her, Dr. Fong, a really calm and composed guy, who spoke very eloquently and was, as expected, quite the opposite of our Joyce the Ho. But I'm really, really happy for Joyce.



All my best wishes deary! I want to see little Joyces running around and tugging your skirt the next time we meet ya. :) And eating ice-cream and throwing a tantrum. :)



This is really the break I needed. :) And I just got great news from a colleague about an hour ago! I passed my exam! Sooooooooooo happy! :) I was quite sure that I flunked my 2nd question, but Francis said that I had a clear pass. :) Such blessing from God! So definitely I'll be moving on to my next posting 21 January 2007, most probably paediatrics.

It's paradoxically a little sadenning as well because I realized that my surgery days as a HO are numbered and that I won't have the comfort of being a 1st poster anymore.



I have a new friend, Teddy. :)



He's my new beau. ;)

Kuching

Damn I can't sleep in. I woke up exactly at 4.30am.

It's really good to be home in clean and civil Kuching. Hehe. In terms of cleanliness, we all agree that Kuching has no rivals. In terms of civility, I think KK people have a lot of catching up to do.

Anyways, I just got my first pay yesterday, before flying back home! I finally found a place near my apartment to get my car aircond fixed, and was told that my car's cooling coil was a mess. So everything would cost me RM448! I was thinking shit I only had RM500 in my account... but what the heck better get it fixed and after all I was flying home in the afternoon. Drove to the bank and was pleasantly surprised that I got 2 months pay! Yipee! Got my damn aircond fixed and even asked the guy in the shop whether there was anything else to be fixed... he said my car condenser looked a little weary but would still hold up for now, but be prepared to change it soon... that would cost me about 500-700.

Ok.

Got to Terminal 2 (Air Asia) about 90mins before my flight. What a war zone. I waited to be checked in for almost 2 hours! Air Asia was off line so, they didn't have any Plan B to handle situation like that. All the flights around the time of my flight was delayed around 30mins.

I think they are just making us suffer for the cheap rates we are getting. I got my return tickets for around RM190! If I fly MAS, that would cost me RM500! So mum said not to complain too much.



The moment I landed in Kuching, all I could think off was food. I told my parents I wanted to eat laksa, chau chai hu nam, Indian food at Ammah Curry house, ice kacang at Hui Sing, kiam hu tu bak at Petanak Market and etc.

And I only have 4 and a half days.

But for dinner we went to a new place serving curry fish head as their specialty. My treat. But we ended loving the salted fish with pork and fried kway teow. The curry fish head was ok, but my family has high threshold for spicy and salty food, so my dad thought it was little tasteless.

After dinner we off to meet my newest cuz! Pepper! A 7-month-old Bull Mastif mix. She's so loving and adorable!



That's my present for Pepper. That piece of rag cost me RM12.80. It's a wonder how the manufacturers were so sure that doggies would like it.



Pepper completely abandoned my dad (who was her fav) and started hanging out with me! :)



This is Pepper's story: Given up by previous owner because she was too destructive and disobedient. Oferred to my aunt, but she thought Pepper looked kurap so she didn't want to adopt her. Then offered to my uncle, who already had 3 other dogs. But Pepper was too adorable. :) Now I have a new cuzzie.



She loves me!



My uncle's old Rottweiller, Sheba developed generalized paresis after a brief bout of illness for about 5 weeks now. Now she's completely dependent on my uncle and his family for everything. It's only this week that she's able to pick up her head and now she's back to her old agressive self, barking very ferociously when strangers come by to the house or the postman. But she still can't stand up. It actually drove my uncle into depression because like my dad, most of my uncles are truest and most genuine animal lovers. It just kills him that Sheba may not have a very good quality of life if she doesn't recover from this.



So every night my dad would go over to my uncle's place to help with Sheba's rehabilitation. When I saw what they did last night, I realized it was truly a labour of love... how they strap the custom-made vest (which cost my uncle about RM500) and mount Sheba's 50+kg of muscle and mostly fat onto the custom-made "wheelchair", according to my uncle. They went online a did some research of how to build the wheelchair because they didn't really know who to consult in Kuching about Sheba's condition. Her vet just said that her condition was most probably permanent.



They told me that Sheba has improved quite a bit. She's lifting her head now, and her hind paws are actually in the stance position... it used to be like her front paws, in the flexed position.



My dad now is Sheba's faithful and dedicated physiotherapist. But my uncle said that they are bringing in an acunpunturist this weekend for her. I really didn't say anything. My thoughts were that my uncle would feel much better if he felt that he was doing everything he can to help Sheba, which was the most important. Sheba was not suffering. She's actually enjoying all the attention she's getting. She actually dozed off when my dad was exercising her limbs.



That's mum and I with Pepper. We colour coordinated with her last night. :)

So much things to do at home and so little time, but I'm determined to make the full use of it. I have a facial appointment this afternoon. Think of doing something to my hair.

But first laksa for breakfast. But my mum and Pheobe are still asleep. Don't care. Will wake them up.

Going home next week!

Yipee! Tomorrow is my last day in Neurosurgery! Eventhough my stupid MO "threatened" to keep me for another 4 weeks. Crazy pig. He's just pretending, I think actually he likes me as his HO, because I get his dirty jobs done, especially making silly referrals to other departments for conditions that even our department should be able to manage. So embarassing some times... getting scolded or ridiculed by MOs from other departments, but it helps when I'm a girl I guess, so some of the male MOs actually felt sorry for me because I have to do the stupid referrals. :) What to do? If already no place to put my face, have to use the demsel in distress act.

I'm learning to be more cunning in this field. All for the sake of the patient. Everything for them.

But unfortunately I lost my temper twice this week. But thinking about it now makes me so regretful.

One patient's brother-in-law kept on ranting on and on about their financial constraints and how he couldn't time off work and that he was so busy and all and always demanded to speak to the doctors.

I was so fucking pissed off with him. In a raised but fairly controlled tone, I gave him a piece of my mind. Even the staff nurses (who love me by the way) felt very uneasy, and even scared(?)

And the second time was with another patient's dad, who kept on complaining about his comatous son passing hard, stool, soft stool, straining on defecation, etc, you know the normal stuff, and he would be so inconsiderate to interrupot doctors and nurses even during emergency or resuscitation just to conmplain.

He also I gave a piece of my mind. And he kept on apologizing after that.

I felt a sense of relief after that because at first I thought I did everyone a favour in the ward, but now I really do feel lousy about that 2 incident.

I don't have a high EQ after, as Adeline used to praise me constantly about.

And my level of vulgarity has increased exponentially as well.

I know I can be quite intimidating, but I never realized my super power. People listen. Even during the departmental meeting, when I spoke, everybody kept absolutely silent to hear me out. I was quite amazed. Maybe because I've been keeping a low profile for the last 2 months.

Then departmental meeting. My total fine for 2 months came up to RM94! Shit man, seriously. I mean we work our asses off and the stupid sisters in the ward (who by the way do nothing everyday) looks for stuff to fine us the HOs. Some of my colleagues' fines went as high as RM120! AARRGGHHH!!!

According to my head of department, the fines would go to a fund to buy paper and some other stationery, and to our "Surgical Night" on the December 1st.

I won't go even if they pay me back all the "fine" they extorted from me, and on top of that give me 1 million ringgit, I still won't go.

And I'm going to volunteer to be oncall that night, I don't mind. For free also I don't mind. 1st call some more I also don't mind. With the bitchy surgeon also I don't mind.

As long as I don't have to go for the dinner.

Why should I spent my precious hospital-free time with hospital people? And pretend to be jolly and happy? Crazy. I might be neurotic, but I AM NOT CRAZY, ok?

But I would rather go oncall? Ok, maybe a little crazy.

Then I have exam on Monday after work. So not excited about it. As a first poster, I get 2 chances to sit for the exam. So if I fail this one, I get to sit for another one next month. But for the other 2nd, 3rd and 4th posters, they only get one chance. If they fail, they automatically get extended 1 month. For 5th posters, they are expected to pass, but they wouldn't actually get extended because they have to be sent to the district hospitals once there time for surgery is up.

But I'm not sweating about it. Seniors said just to be clear about management of certain conditions in the ward, because questions are practical things, few things are from the books really. I guess I just need to sit down and imagine scenarios after scenarios of different conditions and see 9if I can manage them well.

I'm so not going to read from my textbook.

2 things to look forward to next week:

(1) I'll be in Mr. V's ward for 4 weeks starting Monday! And I'm estatic, eventhough my housemates didn't think that if was a great thing.

"Sharon, I thought you said you are over him..."

I am la. But I'm still deliriously happy. :)

And I'm so motivated to learn more, and work harder.

If I can get to the wards 5.45am for Neurosurgery, eventhough I hated it like hell, I'm sure I'm willing to do much more for my Mr. V. I'll make sure I get everything done and sorted out for all my patients. I promise to know every single detail about each and every patient in my ward, and I'm going to be more daring to ask to do more procedures and assist in operations. And I'm going down to the clinics more often.

Wahlau. So motivated. :)

Then I'm flying home to Kuching on Thursday!!! I can't wait to touch my darling Pheobe fur coat again after slightly more than 2 months away from my dearie.

I was telling 2 of my male colleagues who loved to irritate me that both their lives combined weren't even worth my doggie's tip of the tail.

They found it so funny, but what the 2 silly guys didn't know was that I really meant it.

One of them was getting too friendly with me. A little bit too physical, so I'm sending him a message to keep his hands to himself.

And I was stalked by a Urology uncle in the ward when I was oncall the other night and by a patient's son.

The Urology uncle kept on staring at me when I was over at his bed to review him. He asked me whether I was Eurasian. I said no and said good night, but that whole night he was following me around the ward, and he kept staring at me. I thought I was in the psychiatry ward. And the patient's son kept of greeting me the whole day, and would pretend to ask emquestions about his mother (even though she wasn't my patient) and loved to brush himself against me in the crowded female ward.

Very sick. The problem was he was very courteous and he knew how to pretend very well, so I couldn't scold him or anything. I would look like a perasan bitch if I did.

Glad now I'm permanently in the male ward. Except maybe later in my 4th month Urology in the female ward, but by then that patient would be gone or sent to the extension ward.

Today I'm going to chill out and clean my dirty room. It's so gross now. I feel like I'm living in a straight guy's apartment. So unbecoming for a 25-year-old SINGLE female.

And I need to iron all my clothes for the week. I've been too lazy to iron that I've been resorting to wearing my solid colour lycra tops with plain skirts on a daily basis. Luckily I have many colours.

When I get my pay, I'm going to buy lots and lots of clothes. I'm just bored with recycling all my clothes.

Ok, keying off now. I'll be blogging from home next week. Wish me luck in my exam and my new posting at Mr. V's ward. Pray that I don't fall back in love with him. And lastly, pray for my sanity. Thanks!

Super sensitive me.

What a see-saw week!

My neurosurgery posting began quite disastrously.

My MO is a very crude man. He doesn't speaks, he commands. He doesn't ask, he demands, and he doesn't believe, he suspects.

Neurosurgical patients are a hassle to review. Checking their GCS is a chore, especially those who refuses to cooperate or purposely playing dead, and poor me have to cajoule them every day so that I won't have to record a drop in their GCS. GCS is a scoring system to grade a person's consciousness. 15/15 means alert and very conscious. And you can't get anymore comatous with a 3/15. Then sometimes when the patient wants my attention (after I ignore her for a while) she starts banging her pulse oximetry on the metal bars of her bed or slides the detector off her thumb and the oxygen saturation drops and the pulse oximeter starts beeping. Damn those vegetables!

My MO never lets me finish any of my sentences and he is so impatient, and I feel so hurt that he doesn't trust me even a little bit. There was a patient who had a MVA and was sent to the surgical ward but it was not specified whether the patient was admitted to genertal surgery of neurosurgery, so my MO asked me to clerk the patient and process her... but after he left the MO for general surgery came and started assessing the patient and the HOs told me that the patient was under them, so I didn't clerk the patient. My MO came back and asked me why I didn't clerk the patient, so I explained the simple fact that she was under general surgery.

"You sure ah Sharon? Are you sure that the patient is under general surgery?"

I was SO MAD.

What the fuck?

I said, "Dr. S, come with me."

I brought him to the general surgery HO at the nurses' station.

I said to the HO, "Dr. L, please tell Dr. S that the patient is under your unit. He doesn't believe me."

My MO gave me a jaw-dropping expression.

"Sharon, you're too much la. Accusing me of not believing you."

And then he smiled.

During the afternoon rounds, he offered me a sweet, but I didn't want it because I just brushed my teeth after lunch.

He was little taken aback I guess. "Sharon, I know you hate me. But don't be like that la. We have to work together."

I just feel very misunderstood all over again. I think it's just my face la. Or I'm just a bad pretender.

And he shoved the strawberry sweet into my hand.

And I threw it away after the evening rounds.

Then the following day I was called to paeds surgery because a patient was (?)fitting and the regular HO there was called to the casualty to escort a patient. The 11month-old child was not fitting but having a really bad bout of spasm. I called MO I, he didn't pick up. I called MO II, he asked me to call paeds MO, but paeds MO was away in another hospital and he said that my neurosurgical MO should attend to the patient stat and do whatever necessary first until he gets there. Then I called MO III, and he came (thank God) immediately. (I should have called him first la). So we resuscitated the poor child together and luckily he stabilized.

MO III asked me document EVERYTHING that happened. So I wrote EVERYTHING la, including calling MO I and MO II.

MO I was very angry at me. Cornered me after evening rounds and scolded me and even threatened me a little. I was so hurt. What did I do wrong? I was very upset that evening, so another senior HO explained that we sometimes have to "bend" a little when we are working.

That night I couldn't sleep, so I sent MO I a very, very long sms to tell him how I felt and that he treated me badly and unfairly considering that I was new and what I did was the right thing to do. He replied simply that everything was alright and that I should get a good night sleep.

The next day he was super nice to me. Taught me about everything that came up in each patient. Even gave me some homework to do so that we could discuss the following morning.

So that's settled.

But really la, I hate, I mean REALLY hate neurosurgery. It's a field where humans try to play God, and fail miserably. It's a field of empty promises. Most of the brain tumour patient end up vegetables after debulking.

Dr. V is back into the picture. Yesterday I was eating alone in the cafe when he walked in. He initially walked to the table beside me where there were several MOs, but he turned to my table and said, "Hi Sharon, I'll join you since you're alone."

I could only say, "Hi Mr. V." and tried to swallow a huge lump in throat.

He was eating something I've never seen before, so I asked what was that he was eating.

"It's idli. You're malaysian and you don't know idli." he said with a smile.

He then cut a piece of his idli and gave it to me.

I was surprised, but my spinal cord reflex was to fork the piece of idli and eat it.

"Hmm... that's good!" I exclaimed. And I could see his face lighten up.

Dr. V is so brotherly.

Then we chatted for a while. He asked me about how I was doing, whether I'm enjoying my current posting, etc. And just before another group of surgeons arrive at my table with their food trays, he said, "Sharon, if you want to do surgery next time, give me a call, wherever you are."

And there it was. We had broken up. But I was happy.

I just kept quiet after that, surrounded by 3 other surgeons and the head of department and several MOs. I heard Dr. V asking another surgeon how to bath a baby and that his first child was due next March.

I was happy for him, happy that he was happy.

:)

And the subsequent days of neurosurgey just seemed very fluid. And I looked more radiant too, even post call. My friends noted.

And Dr. Bear is now calling me "Sharon" instead of "Sharon Chin", so that's a start. :)

And my housemate, Pei Ling made me very happy last night because she said this after I was reading her something I wrote.

"Sharon, you would have been a good writer or journalist. What a waste."

I was happy because I for the first time, someone made me feel like that I could have been doing something else well and that being a sucky HO does not mean that I was hopeless. I don't feel mush regrets, maybe just I have many "what if"s.

I would sum my whole week as a very profound journey of self-discovery. I leanrt that I'm a very sensitive person. I don't take criticism (especially unjust ones) very well. And my OCDs have to go. You know my MO forced me write ugly and faster, and I was so upset the whole day. And I still haven't wean off liquid paper. He told me not to use liquid paper, but I couldn't resist. Those cross out words are getting to me. But this morning I wrote quite ugly and I quickly closed the case files and proceeded to the next patent, and it got easier as I moved along with each patient.

To answer Bren's question: What's the difference between married and very married?
Very married means happily married and still in love. But married or very married, married men are off limits. Period. I'm better than that.

Ok, have a productive week ahead! I'm on call again tomorrow. I hope nobody dies on me.

Learning the hard way

Post call again. Had my first neurosurgery call. Was very agitated and nervous the several days preceding my first real-life experience with traumatic head injury, skull fracture and comatose patients. The only great thing is the blood-taking bit. Poked wherever that was convenient to ME. No reservations. :) They don't complain, obviously. :)

Had my first brush with a hyperkalaemic patient with ECG changes. Way cool for me because I couldn't believe I actually saw all the typical hyperkalaemic changes printed in front of me as the ECG machine were recording the electrical activities of the poor man's heart. Tented T waves, small P waves and widened QRS complex. Just like in exam. And potassium came back 6.0. I quickly came my MO a call and asked him to give me the go to start on the Tripple regime. He said ok, and 4 hours later, a repeat ECG saw all the changes just completely resolved.

Amazing.

The poor patient could have died, but the thing that bothered me was my initial hesitation to call my MO despite being very sure that the changes were hyperkalaemic changes. I took a minute and doubted myself. That could have cost the man his life. I realized that I should have buried the fear of being wrong and risk being reprimanded and just call my damn MO. All for the patient, all for the patient.

My seniors said that we learn most of the things we need to know the hard way, which is quite unacceptable to me. If we can learn things the easy way, why shouldn't we? We shouldn't have to constantly risk people's lives to learn stuff and be more competent.

For my call, I brought 2 textbooks and a medical emergency handbook, which were my source of some sense of security.

Tomorrow onwards I'll be doing neurosurgery rotation for 2 weeks. Yes, the silly head of HOs gave me a neurosurgical call even before I had any experience in neurosurgery. But I feel much braver after yesterday's call. Slept only from 3am to 6am this morning. And I had to cover paediatric surgery as well. 3 children in the ward last night were having electrolyte imbalances as well. Luckily the Paediatric MO on call (who I had to constantly call up throughout the day and night to inform him of the children's progress) was nice and very patient. After 2 phone calls, I knew what to present to him, the info he needed to shorten the telephone conversation, and with each call, I could sense he trusted me. That was a bonus.

Great news! I've finally weaned off my very married (and father-to-be) Dr. V! Because I've found a new target! My friends are disgusted with me. How can I unlike someone so fast?!

Not so easy la bitches. It takes so much courage and many episodes of shortness of breath to finally accept the fact that I can't like him (and can't have him) because he's very married.

My new target is my very new MO, who just joined the surgical department from casualty department. Such a gentleman! And such a great teacher as well. He could tell that I was still kinda blur, especially the other my first time in the OT. And my first time assisting in a thyroidectomy. He took time to tell me where to get the forms to fill, what to prepare, etc. Later in the ward, he taught me how to write a better review, and the important stuff that should be included. And I could see how my understanding of what I'm doing in the wards day in and day out increasing exponentially.

Now I get my role as a HO. We are quite important after all.

Let's call my new crush Dr. Bear. :)

Maybe I just like nurturing guys. And he's such a gentle person! And he speaks so calmly too! *dreamy* The funny thing is that physically he's so completely the opposite in terms of physical attributes to Dr. V. Dr. V was beanpole tall with very serious expression on his face. Dr. Bear just has a very purposeful and kind face, and he's not that much taller than me, and has a heavy built, but I wouldn't call him fat. Just like a cute Teddy Bear.

The problem is, I don't know his "status". So what if he's married kan, some of you might say, if I just want to have a crush on him. But I can't. It's just my thing. I have OCD in many aspects of my lifestyle, and this is just one of them. :)

I flying home for a short break end of the month! Can't wait! Miss my family and my doggies at home, and my cousin Cynthia just got herself a Bull Mastif puppy she named Pepper!!! My dad sent me a picture and I thought he was adorable! I can't wait to squeeze him and kiss him! I can't post the picture now though because the internet cafe terminals has a weird OS... can't use the My Computer part... so I can't save anything into my handy drive and open any files from the it either.

I'm absolutely tired now, but I don't want to "waste" my weekend by sleeping because by 6.30am tomorrow morning, I have to be in the wards again. I have 15hours left to do non-work related things.

After this I want to get something done with my hair, haven't quite decided what. Yes, maybe I'll colour my hair, maybe streak it. :) I want to pamper myself a little because I start looking like a mess, usually half-way through my week, and I'm on call again this coming Thurs and Sunday.

Have asked my mum to make an appointment for a facial in Kuching for me when I get back.

And when I get my pay, I need to do some serious shopping for clothes!

I forgot to mention that the real reason why I'm going home end of this month is to attend an old schoolmate's wedding reception! People, Joyce Ho is tying the knot!

I don't know whether to cry in happiness for her or cry in despair for myself. Ehehehe. So I guess I'll be crying in happiness. :)

There's this one spinster doctor that everyone hates in the hospital. Even she is dating, OH MY GOD.

Ok, better key off here. Thank you guys for all your comments! Miss you all! I've been to your sites, but am not leaving any comments for now. Take care!