Ouch.

Finally got to review my results with my mentor... and boy nothing else could have spoilt my day even more spectacularly.

"You failed your MCQ badly... really bad..." Dr. Chan revealed.

"I expected it Dr. Chan..." I responded almost immediately, but couldn't help wondering how one could fail "badly"... what's worse than failing? *wonder*

"You didn't fail marginally, you failed by quite a lot..." he said very simply, and focused on my face.

Shit. My heart felt like it dropped off from the thoracic cavity.

Then he went on and on about what strategy I should to be taking for my professional exam. But I couldn't really listen. Even though I knew I did the paper really badly, and that I never expected to pass, the reality of it hit me hard just now in the tiny office. That's the kiasuness setting in. I was thinking where I would stand in my batch of 28.

"But you scored so well in your OSCE, MEQ and long case... you even got a distinction in your long case..." he said, in a tone that sounded like he was trying to console me, but at the same time having a rather baffled look.

Knowing even that the 3 papers combined helped me pass the whole posting, and belittling my disastrous MCQ, I was definitely not comforted and not happy.

It's one thing to fail, but another to fail "badly". It's also embarassing? There must be a reason why my mentor chose to highlight my MCQ first, yes?

Then Dr. Chan went on and on about how MEQ and OSCE and clinical showed that I had good practical knowledge, but maybe lacked theory knowledge and stuff. And even worse, he tried maybe, in the last minute, in the last desperation, to try to alleviate my demoralization... said that "good" students usually don't score well in MCQ because they read "more" or "too much" that they tend to overanalyze... compared to "average" students who usually could answer without thinking over the answers too much.

I shot him down by saying that I was neither. I've never even came across some of the topics that were asked in the MCQ. Simple. And he just kept quiet. :)

It's ok. It's part of a medical student life. I'm kinda bummed, but I've learnt to get over these things pretty fast. I just need to be able to focus on the positive things... and of course I need to thank God for passing this very traumatic posting...

And now what I need is lots and lots of motivation and will power to just survive these final 4 months... God please....