The guardian angel on my right shoulder and the stunted devil on my left

I had a very interesting encounter with Dr. Padmini yesterday. We bumped into each other in the elevator as I was returning the LCD and laptop at Level 3.

"Hello Sharon!" she beat me to it you know... she's very sharp for her age. And also I was very tired after the marathon day of lecture, and also very frustrated thinking about what my colleagues must have to go through in the hospital with Dr. Annuar (which I wasn't attending, and was afraid that he might lash out at them because of my absence...)

Will get to that later...

About Dr. Padmini... so she looked very happy to see me, and she said, "Are you free? I have been wanting to talk to you..."

My heart skipped a beat. Is it my results? I flunked ke?

"Yes, I'm free... I just have to return the LCD and laptop to Level 3."

"Please come and see me at Level 9..."

I felt a lump in my throat...

"Ok." I answered weakly... also because we were sharing the elevator ride with some 5 strangers...

I quickly returned the equipments and hastened my steps and made myself to Level 9... she wasn't there.... so I paced around until another lecturer saw me and asked me to sit down at the sofa in front of the entrance...

So I sat and took out a book to read...

Less than 2 minutes later, Dr. Padmini emerged from the corridor of the elevator and walked towards me... I nod and gave her weak smile... I suddenly experienced palpitations.

So we made our way into her office and...

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Ok, I better cut the story short....
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She asked, "So Sharon, what do you plan to do after your housemanship?"

I was taken aback a little. *puzzled*

"Umm... I can't say right now...."

"Oh I see..." She responded... "I thought you were set on doing Forensic Pathology... I saw your poster and also talked to some lecturers and I had the impression that you were really interested to do Forensic Pathology...."

"Oh I am interested, but I'm not sure if that's what I really want to do for the rest of my life..."

She looked relieved...

"In this field you don't get to see live people very much, and you tend to see the dark side of life... I was thinking that would be a waste... so I must tell you that you have good people skills..."

"It would be quite waste..."

Then she explained about how she thought that I would be more of an asset in the other fields, but stressed that she wasn't giving me any pressure.... but just to tell me of my "strength" and that I should think properly and thoroughly about going into Forensic... but of course if in the end I'm interested in it, by all means..."

I was very surprised and speechless and at the same time I was very touched, touched that someone cared, cared enough to spend her time to tell this to a nothing student like me....

"Actually Dr. Padmini, I would say Forensic is my second choice.... I'm actually more interested in Paediatrics.... but..."

"Oh, it doesn't matter whether it's surgery or paediatric or internal medicine... I'm very sure you'll do well in them..." she responded and waited for my reaction...

"But, but, I'm not good enough... I can't remember the things that I've read, and really I don't have very good results..."

"No, no, don't worry about that... it's because now as a student you have so much to cover, so much to know... of course it's difficult to remember everything... once you focus on something later, I'm sure you can do well... It's not about just getting the highest in MCQ or OSCE or things like that...."

Wow, that was really something... I couldn't believe that I was having that conversation with Dr. Padmini.... it's like she's Godsend... an answer to my prayers for some sign that I'm alright, that I'll survive my final months before I embark to another very challenging chapter of my life...

I guess the content of the conversation wasn't the essential thing for me.... it's just the thought that someone cared and of course, AFFIRMATION...

How could I have forgotton that.... it's been only about 2 months...

I really don't give a damn what I do next time... I just want to be happy, not to feel crappy all the time and die too young (but of course don't live long enough to get some form of cancer....)

Anyways...

I was actually looking forward to my weekend except that tomorrow my group's ORDERED to go to the wards to do catwalks.

I'm very tempted not to go actually because I still have 5 immunities! :)... the mother fucker didn't turn up yesterday evening, to the dismay and relief of my groupmates... dismay because they were super tired and waited like idiots in the ward for him, and he didn't even make any eye contact with them when he make a transient appearance in the ward.

All this cat-and-mouse game is quite stressful for me.... killing my brain cells and my menses is 1 week late! And my abdomen is feeling so bloated...

Yes, I admit part of my frustration have a causal association with PMS.

But it's fine.... I have control over my actions...

Enough for tonight... happy weekend!