It just dawned on me

I didn't really sleep well last night because it dawned on me that there's this impending finals that would mean leaving medical school forever and ever. I don't want to be stucked here for any much longer. Though I feel totally ill prepared, I wish that the exam is tomorrow and by Friday, I would be so liberated from the burden of constant self-doubting and horrid, horrid feeling of inadequacy.

And yet the clock is ticking as painfully slowly as before.

But I remember, "Happiness is a habit". It's been working so far. I try to wake up in the morning and try to talk to my dad (usually we all keep eerily quiet in the mornings) and play with my cat, and get ready to go to the hospital. And I think my decision to join the guys was a good one because it's something new and refreshing. Like what Chris said about being taken for granted if we keep clinging on to people that we're too close with or spend too much time with.

And the emotional support that I get from her and some of my other friends have been invaluable. I don't know how I would have been able to pull through without just knowing that I have people who are journeying with me.

And I in the evenings I let out some steam by doing my skipping and boxing. Even at night after a long struggle with my revision, I imagine myself whacking the punching bag, and imagining myself getting my own bag and my own pair of gloves if I have to be relocated. My bag and gloves would be red ones. :)

Dad has been teaching me some techniques and how I should relax more and concentrate on my breathing. It's really, really fun and in a way, it's a father-daughter bonding thing. It used to be football, but since I've been too busy to follow, I've let that go. When I was younger, we would spend hours in front of the TV watching tennis matches or rugby games. It's a world neither my mum nor my sis could enter.

Did I metion that my new skipping rope has a counter? It's Adeline's idea. And it only cost me RM7.90/-! Got it from Saberkas. Now I don't need to count, instead I concentrate on intermitent speed jumping a full one minute each cycle for about 15 to 20 mins. I'm planning to wake up early in the mornings to skip before my activities of the day. Don't know whether that would materialize.

So ok I may be having a hypomanic spell now with all my yakking, so having a blog is really one of my greatest decisions in life! :) I rarely feel down nowadays. Once they all let out here, I feel a ton of my shoulders.

Paddle on people!

p/s: No idea what a word cloud is... but here's one of my blog.