From my album: With Miko, my neighbour's cat, who visits me very often. He loves to hang out with me and sleeps on my couch until his mum calls for him from the apartment 1 floor below. Dad took these snapshots of us on his webcam.

I'm so happy to be home in Kuching for a couple of days. It was a last minute arrangement but whatever, the outcome is a couple of blissful days of home and mum's cooking. :). Happy to be with my family and of course, to see my Pheobe again, who just 10weeks ago before I left Kuching on my last trip sustained a spinal injury that rendered her paraplegic. It's really a miracle to see her running and able to control her bowel and bladder again, and most importantly, to see her wag her tail again.

I was more heartbroken than anything else in the world this morning when I received a text from my dad during my morning ward round with the team that Federer lost his 6th consecutive Wimbledon crown to Nadal. In a 5-setter some more. :( Even more devastating than my bad call. The call that caused me not to be able to watch this year's epic finals. The call that was so busy that I didn't get even a moment of sleep. The call that 2 patients died during my watch. The call that the day after was also a bad day. How can fate be so cruel to Federer? The grace and class of tennis, lost to the power and brute force of the game, that had become so dear to me?

From my album: Taken in Sibu, the night scene of Ku Tien Garden from across a lake.

I'm enjoying working in the hospital again. It's surreal that I get what I want so quickly. But the early mornings, long hours and emergencies have slapped me silly on the face to the reality. It was a little overwhelming being the newest member of the all-male surgical team on my 1st two days of work, and I have to admit for a transient moment, I felt a pang of regret for the transfer. But when I started getting referrals and given more opportunities and encouragement from the team, I felt like I was getting my "groove" back. It is true that experience, and entrapment (haha) make one a better (meaning having more common sense) doctor.

From my album: One of my happiest moments. I was speaking to a crowded auditorium about the autopsy findings of suppurative brain abscess in a 30-year-old man. Taken during my 4th year of med school in my faculty auditorium.

I'm driving my new housemate mad! Haha! I made her figure out one of my favourite fruit in the world. I asked, "What fruit is bigger than an apple, very juicy but not crunchy with thick skin, and has cultural symbolism?" We were having a heated debate about it in the restaurant over dinner. She finally guessed it after we got home 2 hours later, by method of exclusion. So slow. :D We went for another movie after work! Yesterday we thoroughly enjoyed Kungfu Panda, but a little disappointed with Indiana Jones today. But we decided that it was a must to watch for old time sake. :) I thought Harrison Ford didn't age as gracefully as Sean Connery or George Clooney. :)

From my album: Slimy but yummy "sayur midin". To celebrate my love for veggies and colours! Taken at Kuching's Petanak Market.

This weekend is special. A turn-over weekend. A new chapter of my life. My transfer is through, so am starting work in the surgical department on Tuesday! I went for a little tour with a future colleague last night and felt a little nervous because I've not been in the wards for 5 months, but nevertheless very excited at the new prospect. Am starting tagging for 2 weeks, will be missing Wimbledon then, boohoo. And then I have a new apartment mate. Was wrangling with the internet router cables this morning so that both of us can be online. And to celebrate our "renewed" collaboration (we were housemates during internship in KK), we binged on Japanese and cheesecake for dinner last night! I have so much to thank God for you know, besides the obvious. Have a great weekend everyone!

From my album: Always looking for an interesting subject for my lenses, spotted this scruffy but rather elegant-looking dog from the backseat of my moving car, back home in Kuching.

The aircond is back in the clinic, not surprisingly just in time for state medical director's visit. A new man for the post, but such a dull and unimpressive character. Wanted to ask him about their policy on posting new MOs in the district. Why did they choose to post us in the exact places that we didn't apply for in spite the fact that those places are in dire need of MOs, and, on top of that, they posted other MOs who didn't want to be at those places we want? And, if they didn't intend to bother to entertain our application, why did we have to fill in so many application forms? I'm being querulous making this issue a big deal, but SO WHAT? I've reached this stage in my working life that I don't give a damn about the admin or its policies. I'm just concerned about my vocation, my patients and my experiences. How can I be wrong if I'm doing my work well without having to play dirty or worse, "kipas buntut". I'll do anything to maximise the fun and the learning experience. So I'm bitching just for fun. Hehe. Will be bitching about little things some more next time. It's fun not to be coherent. :D

From my album: This was the makeshift "shower" place that we used during one of the medical camps in the interior of Sabah. One can't feel more naked, exposed and vulnerable than showering in the middle of the wilderness, sheltered only by an "alang-alang" orange canvas. :)

The aircond in the clinic has been busted for the past 2 days, so work has been terribly uncomfortable, now more so with the flu season. Children coughing into my face, and their sweaty chests giving the sticky feel on the diaphragm of my stethoscope as I auscultate them. And strangely there has been more patients hanging around the clinic these 2 days than others despite the humidity, and the crying and wailing of the babies and toddlers echo in harmony in the halls of the maternal and child clinic. But really the worst thing is that I'm all cooped in the clinic, at my desk for hours. So I really looked forward to my evening swims.

It's not surprising that I'm hooked onto Miami Ink and Tattoo Wars. :) Yeah, I know I'm a bit slow to join the bandwagon. Haha. Now I'm itching to get another piece, maybe a coloured one? I know my initial idea was to keep the theme of all my tattoos (both present and future) black in the native motives, but now that I'm more "exposed" I'm so impressed by the vibrant coloured pieces and even the shaded ones. If only I could get a piece done by Chris Nunez... I made a pretty interesting observation while watching the show. The part where customers would come into the studio and one of the artists would ask the customer, "How can I help you today?" is so like how I would would greet and approach my patients in the clinics! So funny! And the way they would intently listen to the customers... so uncanny! I'm going to embark on a journey of "discovering" my next piece.

I was watching ER just now. Saw the episode where Lizzie gave an overdosage of magnesium sulphate to a patient because she read the label wrongly as 5 instead of 50, after working 36hours straight. The patient went into cardiac arrest. Gave me an adrenaline rush watching that 40-sec scene. :) Call me an adrenaline junkie or a sadist but I wished I was there resuscitating the patient! And yesterday afternoon, I spent 6-suppose-to-be-boring-hours-in-locum reading my wrinkled ABC of Major Trauma book from med school, covering primary survey to head injuries to burns. And my hours just flew by! I'm anticipating my inevitable transfer to the hospital! My transfer has been approved! And I'm so excited! Hard work and lots of heartaches ahead, but I'm psychoing myself to face what I think would be much worse than my internship. Some people questioned my sanity for ditching my comfortable postion in the clinics and for going through the messy process of admin work for the transfer, but I just tell them that if I don't take the opportunity now and make that change in my current situation that I'm rotting away in, I might not be able to forgive myself next time. I want to dedicate this post to Bren who's been so open about her internal struggles with her job.

Happy Father's Day!

Spent the whole day listening to a HIV/AIDS update in the hospital today. It was pretty heavy especially when it got to the drugs and the management of the opportunistic infections in a HIV patient, but I was very engaged with all the sessions and was strangely very excited especially during case discussions. I could feel my thoughts racing through my mind. Ideas after ideas, and stuff from medical school. Haha. But I felt that above every detail that the ID specialist presented today, all he really wanted to emphasize was that HIV/AIDS is a treatable disease, and that no patients should suffer or die from it. Just shifting my own mindset from AIDS being a death sentence to it being a treatable disease completely change how I would approach future patients.

I had the heaviest lunch ever, period, today. Mun Foo was down from Telupid attending a course in Sandakan so I brought him for a scrumptious seafood lunch. Needless to say both of us felt so lazy postprandial because of the excess load. And also because of the non-stop chatter in our extended 2-hour meal. The last time we saw each other was 5 months ago after we parted in Ortho posting to go for our respective district posting. But it was so enjoyable and because I do miss chit-chatting with a familiar face. I went for a swim later in the evening with the delusion that I would be able to burn off lunch. :) By next weekend I would have another familiar face with me here in Sandakan. My old housemate from KK will be transfered here, and she has accepted my offer to share my apartment. It was a no brainer because I'm comfortable with her. She had been an "uneventful" housemate. This weekend I would be completely occupied, thank God. I'll be attending a HIV update course the whole day tomorrow, then on Sunday I'll be trying out horse-riding! There's a ranch a couple of miles away from my place that is run by an Australian lady and her daughter. I met her last weekend at the yacht club and she was telling me about her animals in the ranch and also about her giving riding lessons. I'll just have a visit first on Sunday and see whether I'm comfortable with the horses. Can't help thinking of Christopher Reeve.

Good morning! What a beautiful day! It's been raining the past couple of days which has kept me at home. So today after work I'm either hitting the gym or going for a swim! Can't wait! I've even woken up early today (6.15am) because the sunshine was penetrating more strongly than usual through my white bedroom curtains. I spoke to the hospital director where I'm applying my transfer to yesterday and she sounded very nice and accomodating. She sort of pleaded with me to join the surgical or obstetrics department which were in dire need of MOs at the moment. But I expressed my desire for casualty experience, but of course wouldn't mind to help out in surgery for a couple of months then get transfered to casualty after that. Surgery would come in handy too for my future forensic work. Obstetrics... I'm not so interested. But seriously anything I don't mind because I'm itching to leave my 8-5 office desk job at the moment. :)

I've decided to get the ball rolling in changing my present work situation. I've been contemplating it for a while. I found another doctor in the hospital who wants to get a transfer to the outpatient clinics, where I'm posted to now. So it's a win-win situation for the both of us. Now it's just up to our final decisions and the admin side with all the red tapes. I'm so very bored in the clinics, and 4 months of it have rendered me rather unmotivated and uninspired to go on. At times it's very unkind to the self-esteem. What's worse is that my learning experience has reached a plateau, and life feels so routine for my age. I'm placed in this lifetime, in my present situation, with all the available opportunities for a reason. It's really up to me to cease the day! It's exciting just thinking about working the hospital again, the calls, the emergencies... like returning to my roots.

I'm down with the flu since yesterday at work but thoroughly looking forward to the weekend because of the French Open finals. The flu hindered me from attending a wedding reception last night not because I felt that crappy but because I couldn't stop coughing due to my irritatingly itchy throat. And the whole day in the clinic I was battling within myself whether or not to medicate myself. Anti-histamine or not? Many people who know me are baffled with my reluctance to take a paracetamol or an NSAID for a headache or period pains or an anti-histamine for rhinitis. The last time I took antibiotics was in Form 2 (some 13 years ago) for my acne problem! It's an obsession of mine not to have my body be dependent on medicines to fight a minor symptom or infection. The other day my neighbour's kids, ranging from 2yo-6yo were running around the apartment complex when I bumped into them. They were running away from their poor mother who was struggling to keep up with them, and keeping them from hurting themselves. When they saw me they were shouting excitedly, "Cheh-cheh! Cheh-cheh!" (Big sister, big sister). Them mum caught up with them and scolded them in chinese and squeezed their ears, "What cheh-cheh? Auntie la..." and looked at me apologetically... "Sorry they call you cheh-cheh ah..." What made her think that I minded that her kids thought I was young enough still to be called cheh-cheh? Kids don't lie.

Christina & Jason's Garden Wedding in Keningau

These are my healthy lungs and pretty-looking heart. Hope they stay that way for a long time. Had a very denerving experience today at the antenatal clinic. An 18-year-old girl apparently had a miscarriage and was bleeding for 2 days but her vital signs were stable. I scanned her with the clinic very fuzzy ultrasound machine and found what I thought was her uterus which appeared to still contain some POC (product of conception), and concluded that she had an incomplete miscarriage with active bleeding. At that time it was already lunch break (but I was working through 8am-2pm non-stop), so the clinic operator was out, so I couldn't call the Gynae MO in the referral hospital, so I ordered for the patient to be sent anyways urgently. 2 hours later, the oncall Gynae MO called me in the clinic and asked me why I did not inform her of the patient because the patient actually had an ectopic pregnancy, and was being prep for a laparatomy as we were speaking! But she was very understanding of my situation when I explained what had happened. She was nice enough to explain that the bulky structure that I saw was blood collection in the Pouch of Douglas (the pocket between the bladder and the rectum)! Honestly I've never seen such a huge POD collection. But the patient was ok. But I felt so momentarily shaken because in ectopic pregnancy, the patient could have just collapsed and die. But after several seconds, I had to pushed that out of mind because I still had a dozen more patients with problems for me to solve.

Yes, I admit. I have a bad habit of admiring and arranging my toiletries. I'm having a long weekend because of the harvest festival here in Sabah, but am using my time doing a little locum for some pocket dough, just in time for my trip to Keningau on Tuesday to attend Christina and Jason's wedding, which can come handy. It's so weird that despite my wardrobe bursting with clothes, I can't find a thing that would be suitable for a garden wedding. Probably because mainly that my clothes were mostly in pitch black and casual. But Chris has assured me that the whole thing would be simple so I need not worry about any dress code. So I may just wear something I wore for my sis' wedding more than a year ago. Will see.

Imagine my delight just now when I spotted my favourite local "Sabah" vegetable outside the nearby sundry shop that I frequent EOD to get my foodstuff. I absolutely have no idea what it's called but it's has a silky, slippery texture that tastes absolutely delicious stirred fried with garlic and ikan bilis. Today work was crazy. I had to scan about 50 pregnant ladies, insert 3 IUCDs, manage a few bleedy miscarriages, and a handful of pregnant ladies with high blood pressure with impending fits. Luckily I brought home the some 300 PAP smear results to review last night or else I wouldn' have time to get to it today. But the great thing about my situation is that everything comes to a hault at 5pm. In spite of the workload, I would't trade it for my former internship days when night or day was immaterial, so were personal hygiene and basic human needs. But I do miss the wards and procedures. Another of my favourite cosmetic product is TheFaceShop lip colour pallette, especially the pink one. Sweet.

I'm obsessed with these at the moment, to the point that I wash my hair eventhough it's not due. It's just so yummy the smell, and my hair gets really soft and shiny after it's blown dry, and the afterwash frizz is surprisingly very minimal. Even my very expensive Loreal shampoo, conditioner, hair mask and leave-on conditioner are no comparison. I'm getting very bored in the outpatient clinics. I feel like my learning process has reached a plateau. Currently I'm manning both the children and antenatal clinics by myself because of the shortage of doctors. I see a lot of patients a day but it's so routine and dull, and I'm left out there to fend for myself. I don't have somebody to supervise me and teach me new stuff. I'm contemplating of applying for a transfer to the hospital. I belive it won't be hard to get a placement because they are also terribly short at the moment. I'll give it more thought after my trip to Keningau next week to attend a dear friend's wedding. Have to fly to KK and make 2-hour road trip and return to Sandakan in 48hours. Couldn't get more days off.