It's tough, but I'm happy.

I'm alive and well here in KK.

Hey, I really, really miss you guys!

I don't have my internet connection yet in my apartment, so now I'm in an internet cafe in Centre Point, one the more happening malls in KK.

So many things happened in my 3 weeks here, but I guess what I care to share are those things that affected me the most.

I want to believe that I'm changed, and humbled by my very traumatic first 3 weeks as a medical intern.

Had my very first call (on-call means working 8am through the night until the next day 5pm) early this last week and my 2nd last Friday. Scary because I'm all alone manning the male surgical ward of about 40 patients, and currently I'm famous for being the "hottest" intern so far. 6 admissions on my call and 4 of them ended up on the operation table the same night. Didn't sit down the whole night, and needless to say, I didn't even sleep for a minute.

One came in with an apparent infected drain site from a previous laparatomy, so I was asked by my MO (Medical Officer) to just off the suture... and guess what, some 40ml of faecal material burst out and I had to quickly collect it in a sterile bottle as proof, just in case my MO thought I was cracking under pressure. Faecal peritonitis is really, really bad news.

One 21-year-old got admitted around 3am for acute abdomen. But on further examination, we suspected him to have infective endocarditis, and was in heart failure. So I was asked to take blood for culture 3 times, half an hour apart, from 3 different sites, 4am, 4.30am and then 5am. But after the first blood-taking, my patient disappeared into the hollow corridors of Queen Elizabeth Hospital. I was so afraid that he might just collapse somewhere in the very desserted hospital compound so I went looking for him. Nada.

Around 9am after my morning rounds I called the ward and found out that the patient made his way, on foot, back home, and refused to go for any treatment. Aiks. Is it because I gave him the green needle? It's faster mah. If I give him the blue needle, even though smaller, and apparently less painful, I have to poke him longer mah.

When I started, I had 2 weeks of tagging, which was a really tough period for me. 6.30am to 10pm, 7 days a week. Tagging means that I tag onto a more senior intern and follow him/her around and observe the trade. So I was very lucky to get a really, really nice tagee... a great teacher too. Let me do all the procedures, and he had this really great calmness in his voice and his actions... so I never felt nervous manouvering a chest tube and inserting a CVP line.

But now I'm in a new ward, no more tagee, and no more tagging, meaning real responsibilities. Whatever I write in the patients' files and whatever I write in the drug chart, they matter. So it's all very denerving at times.

My other friends who came with me to KK was constantly sharing their burdens with me, so I guess that helps because I don't feel so alone. And true to my true self, I managed to find myself a crush in my 2 weeks of tagging, a young surgeon, who became the main reason how I could drag my body out of bed every morning to make in to the wards before 6.30am every morning.

But later, after my tagging I found out from an unreliable sorce, that he might already be married. So I decided that I couldn't live with uncertainties, and I couldn't ask him directly whether he was married or not, so now I'm slowly weaning off him, so now I'm in another ward, and I don't get to see him that often anymore. It's really hard.

My friends were asking me to scout among my fellow interns... but I can't la. I like older men, period. Hehe. And I want to find a guy with doggies, so I can play with them. :)

And the ther day, this really mean MO from Medical Department made me cry. Sounds silly but he was merciless. It was my first time referring a case, and it was another senior HO who asked me to refer his case. So the MO grilled me on the case and later wrote nasty thing about me about being rude for not reviewing the case before refering it to him and wrote my name in bold and caps in the patient's file. He even misquoted me, but in the end my tagee said to just suck it in, and move on. Many more shitty times to come.

I get. So I move on.

Another thing I still struggling to get usedto is being called Dr. Sharon.

I'm staying at this really nice apartment complex with 2 other friends, fully furnished, with a washing machine, thank God. So now I'm quite happy and all eventhough I feel I don't have much life other than my life as an intern.

I have just, yes, after 3 weeks, made my way, alone, and quite courageously too, to the Likas Sports Complex to check out the indoor swimming pool. It's gorgeous. Will be going there this evening! Yipee! I'm sure I'll be feeling more confident too now in my suit now that I've shed off a couple of kilos since I started working. :)

Courageous I said because it's really confusing to drive here in KK, and now with all the construction going on with the new flyover. Oh ya, my parents sent over the old car to KK, and my new Myvi is in Kuching! :)The other day when we were moving to our new apartment, I got lost and ended driving over 50km around KK, only finally reaching our intended destination after we asked for direction in an abandoned road. Aiks. And by the way, KK drivers suck! Big time!

Excuse me for my lack of structure in this post. I need to key off for now. Have a buy a couple of things for the apartment. Will get internet access soon. Till then, take care people. I really miss you guys!